You Don't Understand, I Want Jason And Cass To Resent Each Other.

Tim: Duke, you're an optimist. Try to see the bright side.

Duke: The bright side is on fire, Tim.

Tim: And it's warm! See, that wasn't so hard. Now you try.

Duke: .....

Duke: I suppose it's kind of pretty.

Tim: That’s the spirit!

Bruce [voice far away]: Are you two insane! The building is on fire! Get out!

I want you all to appreciate the effort I put in to refining my Cassandra Cain thoughts into something vaguely coherent because most of the time when I think too long about her it sorta devolves into me blubbering like a baby on the floor and mumbling something like "ooooooooh she just... she just cares so fucking much... so deeply mannn."

I want Bruce and Oliver to be so petty. Like when Lex does an evil scheme they make remarks that only he will know are about him and hang out and if he tries to crash it they post stories abt their boarding school days. Cause it will help with their secret identities but Lex will just be embarrassed af and his stocks will go down while the others go up.

Okay imagine this; Cassandra with the same exact upbringing but the family somehow doesn’t know. She learned to talk and did the whole Shiva thing before meeting Bruce, and she knows Shiva is her mom.

Batman (talking to an assassin who he had to track down because for some reason every big name is staying away from Gotham, not that he’s complaining, but he’s worried); why is everyone staying away from Gotham?

Assassin (small enough to be scared but big enough to have helped train Cass); I am NOT getting near that psychopath! I don’t know how she got away, there, or even learned to talk! No way am I taking that risk, fuck off Bats, I’m more scared of her than I am of you!

Now the fam is even more confused. Everyone is trying to figure this out, Cass is laughing in the corner. (Maybe with Dami)

A few days later, Talia storms into the cave and bitch slapped Bruce, she turned and hugged Cassandra.

Bruce (holding his cheek because that woman has a mean slap); what was that for?!?

Talia; not telling me my daughter is okay! I should do more than slap you! My poor daughter, I’ve been so worried, so has Nyssa. I should have murdered him and taken you as my own the second we met. Of course, father would be furious, but you are much better than him. I assume your mother knows, considering my beloved is still breathing.

Cass; yes, mother knows, approves of Bat. Says it good branching out, got away, yay!

Talia; I did not expect that. Anyways, if you have trouble with your grandfather, just call. You left fair and square, I shall protect you, not that you need it. Be good, my child.

Cass preened under the praise and watched one of her adoptive League mothers leave. Talia and Nyssa were always nice to her, wanting to help but not being able to, she loved them. She refused to answer questions.

Jason should have come back to the manor post-lazarus pit and revealed himself as Jason Todd but not told the rest of the family that he’s also Red Hood. can you imagine how fucking funny that would be.

Nightwing: honestly! my family is fucking INSANE! i swear the only good one is my little brother, he died and came back and decided to ditch the vigilante life.

Red Hood: oh shit really?

Nightwing: honestly probably the smartest one out of all of us, he’s reading in bed while we’re all out here on stakeouts!

Red Hood: interesting. tell me more about how this brother is the best of all of you.

~

Red Hood: so what are you guys getting the smart handsome not-vigilante brother for Christmas?

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

~

Batman: now i need all of you to have an equal share in the clean up-

Red Hood: yeah sorry, you aren’t MY dad, so i’m gonna dip. have fun cleaning!

the funniest part is when Dick and Tim decide that since Red Hood and Jason are so similar and Red Hood CLEARLY seems to like what he hears about Jason, that they should try to set the two up.

Jason, calling Roy at 4am: i need you in Gotham within the next hour so you can dress up as Red Hood and we can pretend that I’m sleeping with myself.

Roy:

Roy: i’m gonna get caught sneaking out of your bedroom with lipstick on your helmet

Jason: this is gonna be the funniest thing we’ve ever done.

Bruce: Cassandra has done nothing wrong ever in her life

David Cain: she killed a man

Bruce: no she didn't

Cass: I killed a man

Bruce: no you didn't

Bruce, watching a video of Cass killing a man: this is fake.

i’m thinking about the various batgirl origin stories and babs and cass and steph and how to be batgirl means to be distrusted & to try so desperately to be good enough. and the grace babs gives cass and steph in batgirls, specifically, because she has been there. she has been the girl who was trying so hard to help and was told to stop.

they are not trustworthy, they are not prepared, they are not strong enough. they’re too impulsive, they’re too young. idk. i think at the end of the day batgirl is a title for those who are not heard when they try to be anything else.

Ranking the best batman because I'm bored.

Honorary mentions: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Azrael. May you never go near that cowl again for your own mental health <3 Congrats to Damian for handling it in one au without killing people unlike the other three but most of your family was dead in that universe so yeah. You deserve better.

5. Bruce Wayne. Most iconic sure but also the one with the most questionable acts. If I saw his batman coming towards me I simply wouldn't trust it as much as the others.

4. Dick Grayson. Better than his dad although he'd have a bunch of complex emotions if I ever told him that. He's a good Batman but he thrives more as Nightwing so it never felt like a good end point for him.

3. Helena Wayne. Earth 2 Bruce's daughter as Batman with Dick Grayson in a wheelchair as her Oracle and Dick's son as her Robin? Yeah the entire concept rules. I love legacy stories so much. Plus her Batman outfit is my favourite aesthetic wise.

2. Helena Bertinelli. The best Batman Gotham has seen so far. You didn't deserve Bruce's disrespect when you were fighting every day in no man's land while he was off sulking in his money. Carried the no man's land story on her back before Cass showed up to help.

1. Cassandra Wayne. Come on. Look at my blog. There was never going to be a chance of anyone else being number one. There's like 5 million posts here about why Cass is the best Batman but to sum it up: Everything most interesting and engaging about the previous Batmans rolled into one character.

The Batkids play a game called “Guess Who Bruce Is Disappointed In Today” and it is a bloodsport.

It started as a joke. It is no longer a joke.

Every morning, without fail, one of them walks into the kitchen and says:

“Guess who Bruce is disappointed in today?”

And they all take turns guessing based on crime alerts, nightly patrol rotations, and vibes.

It’s become a system.

It went like:

Jason: “I knocked out a senator by accident. My odds are high.”

Tim: “I drank seventeen Red Bulls and fell asleep on top of the Batcomputer.”

Damian: “I released three bats into Gotham General Hospital as enrichment. They were bored.”

Steph: “I called him ‘Brucie’ in front of a senator.”

Cass: Just raises a finger and shrugs.

Then Bruce walks in, dead silent, pours his coffee, looks at no one, and walks away.

Tim: “It’s Jason.”

Jason: “DAMN IT.

Rules:

If you guess wrong, you have to do patrol with Damian and listen to him rant about the superiority of traditional swordsmanship for two hours.

If you guess right, you get to choose the movie on family movie night.

If Bruce is disappointed in himself, everyone gets ice cream. That’s the law.

It got so serious they made a whiteboard. Labeled it: “DISAPPOINTMENT LEADERBOARD.”

Top scores:

Tim (17 correct guesses, possible mind reader)

Cass (14, reads vibes better than Google Translate reads Latin)

Steph (11, mostly via chaos intuition)

Jason (2. constantly thinks it’s him. It often is. But not always.)

Damian (0. refuses to acknowledge he is ever the cause)

One time Dick guessed correctly for the first time in 3 months and everyone clapped.

He cried.

Alt. Version: Guess Who Bruce Is Proud Of Today.

Game cancelled due to lack of data.

dick grayson (5’10” with the body of a gymnast): this is my baby brother!

jason todd (6’3” brick wall of muscle): …hi

***

cass wayne (5’5” with the body of a dancer): little brother!

jason (almost a whole foot taller than her): hiya cass