The Adventures Of Bennie And Signal, Vol 1

One time the bat kids hung out in the cave while B was at a JL meeting. The whole place was covered in pink glitter and silly string by the time they were done. The only person who didn’t have glitter on them was Cassandra, no one knows how.

They don’t even try to clean it and just fr owned it.

Bruce comes back with the JL in tow to a pink, sparkly batcave and almost has an aneurism.

Oliver and Dinah is laughing their asses off and the JL is shocked.

Oliver; remind me to get them Prada for Christmas.

Bruce;…

Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin, Spoiler, Black Bat, and Signal chose that moment to reenter the room.

Oliver; good job!

Hood; thanks uncle arrow!

Hal; what’s wrong with B?

Signal; wait for it.

Bruce; THE BATMOBILE TOO!?!

The Oracles of Gotham;

Cursed to be all-knowing. Cursed never to be believed.

I think Oliver Queen would find out Batman's secret identity mostly through vibes...

When he was ten, his parents tried to get him to strike up a friendship with Bruce Wayne because it can’t ever hurt to know the richest man in the country but Bruce is just so fucking weird and morbid. He drags Ollie into his room and starts showing him his anatomy books and taxidermy and has he seen Taxi Driver? Because Travis Bickle inspired a real attempted assassination. But also maybe he had a point? And then Bruce is taking down his books on the Zodiac Killer and explaining how he thinks he’s cracked the cipher. And Ollie is just scared out of his mind. He thinks Bruce is going to vivisect him or something.

At the end of the night, he tells his parents that he spent the whole time with Bruce but he was actually hiding under a table somewhere for like two hours.

Then after that he tries to avoid Bruce at all times. Which isn’t hard because they’re ten and they live on opposite sides of the country. Until Oliver gets an invitation to Bruce Wayne’s 18th birthday party which is supposed to be a very big, very expensive bash. He doesn’t want to go because it might turn out to be weird but all his friends are going so he goes anyway.

… And it turns about to be pretty cool. (It’s a very big, expensive party with a lot of really drunk, really rich teenagers but it’s cool by Oliver’s standards) But no one actually seems to see Bruce there. He doesn’t make a speech, they don’t get him a cake or sing happy birthday, he doesn’t take over for the DJ, nothing. There are no pictures of him anywhere. Nobody gets any pictures of him. No one says they saw him. It’s like he wasn’t even there. 

But everyone insists that Oliver must be wrong. Who would throw a party and then never show up? Creepy Bruce Wayne, that’s who.

For the next several years, Bruce is supposedly out of the country doing an indulgent world tour. Hotels get booked out for him but they can’t say if he actually check in. People claim to have seen him but they don’t have any proof. It’s always so-and-so told so-and-so that they saw him here. He’s kind of like this fun cryptid. The richest man in the world is somewhere in the world. The late night shows do a spoof of Carmen Sandiego about it.

But every year, Bruce supposedly shows up to his birthday bash except Oliver goes every year and never sees him. There’s photos that circulate around but Oliver’s met Bruce and these are just some random other dark haired guys. He puts together that every year the crowd unknowingly selects some random dude to be that year’s Bruce Wayne, sometimes there’s two or three or four.

One year Oliver even dyes his hair and he gets to be Bruce Wayne for the day. 

It’s fun. But the real Bruce? He’s up to something. 

When Oliver comes back from his sojourn on an island and is deciding to clean up his act and maybe start dressing up in green and shooting people with arrows, he finds out that Bruce is back in Gotham. He’s gone from a guy who nobody knew what he looked like to one of the most recognizable faces.

Every week the gossip rags have a new crazy Bruce Wayne headline. 

“Bruce Wayne accidentally schedules two dates with two models at the same time, at the same restaurant. Models proceed to fight over him and wreck the restaurant, forcing Wayne to buy it.” There’s a viral video and everything. Except it’s not hard for Oliver to find out that the “models” are actually amateaur professional wrestlers.

“Bruce Wayne trips and knocks ice sculpture onto newly elected Gotham mayor.” Nobody bothers to mention that getting absolutely clobbered by an ice sculpture is what saved the mayor from being shot by a political rival.

“Bruce Wayne lets child ward drive his car. Kid accidentally puts car in reverse instead of drive and backs into and wrecks Lex Luthor’s custom McLaren.” That one just seems intentional. The kid even looks behind him as he’s backing up.

Sure people change over the course of 18 years, Oliver has certainly changed but he just can’t square this absolute buffoon with the kid who bragged about how he was already studying calculus. And it’s just so calculated. Just like the parties, it’s like a facade of being a rich playboy, not the real thing. Oliver knows the real thing. He’s been the real thing.

Then he walks into a meeting of the new, as yet unnamed, coalition of heroes and meets Batman for the first time. The familiar wave of hibbie-jibbies runs up his spine but he’s not a kid anymore so he just smirks.

“So do you still think Travis Bickle was kind of right?”

non-gotham locals think the most prolific bat-villain is the joker, or scarecrow, even the riddler — or any of their assorted highly dangerous deluded rogues.

but a real gothamite knows how big a pain in the ass condiment king is, in fact, urban legend says that the bat kids have formed a pact to not tell batman if condiment king just happens to turn up… at the bottom of gotham harbor.

'Cause I'm stuck with your stories

"I was born a wound"

This line holds such a wealth of meaning. Because it is both - Cass was born to be hurt. Born to be abused and mishandled and made into something that would tear herself open, tear others open. Cain didn't know it, maybe Shiva didn't know it, but they made a child to give her pain.

And. Cain stole something from Shiva, took from her in a singular moment of weakness, and that memory cannot help but haunt her still. Cass is the moment, given legs and arms and a soul, Cass is that pain walking upright, haunting her all over again. The moment Cass was born, Sandra could never be hurt again, not truly, until all these years later where she has one wound she can never guard. Cassandra the thief, the assassin, the murderer, to take first from her mother before she'd take anything else at all.

Cassandra the innocent. Because she would not be a wound if she could not bleed.

Bruce watched in amusement as the new hero, Ghost, made fun of Superman. That was until John Constantine came into the room and stared at the hero with wide eyes. He bowed and everyone was thrown off.

John Constantine was a bastard and everyone knew it, he tricked God Himself and made enemies with demons daily, he never showed anyone respect. So why was he being respectful to this random new hero he never met?

“King Phantom. I’ve been searching for you, it’s an honor.” John said and everyone looked between the confused teenager and mage.

“You must have me confused, my name is Ghost and I’m not a King.” He replied warily.

“Ah, they must have done something.” John said before hitting Ghost with a spell.

Ghost gasped and looked frantically at John.

“How bad is it?” He asked hurriedly and with panic.

“They would have slaughtered everyone tomorrow if you weren’t found today. They don’t care about your rules if the King is missing. I held them off for as long as I could but I couldn’t buy much time. You have been gone for 6 months.” John told him and everyone was on alert immediately. “Go, Danny, before it is too late.”

Ghost, no Danny, nodded before opening a portal. He turned around.

“You will be rewarded and I thank you. I truly love these people and would die against to protect them but my kingdom is first. I ask you to disband the GIW of the United States government, they are who took me and sold me off, they are who hurt my people. The Observants will want to speak to you, I will hold them off.” He left and everyone yelled questions at John.

“SHUT UP!” He snapped, more serious than anytime they had seen him before.

“Constantine. What was that?” Bruce demanded, wearing his most menacing glare and growl.

“No Bats, you don’t get to question me right now. I need everything that you have on him. Mission reports, how you found him, everything. If you excuse me I’m going to shut down a government organization.” John turned around and left in a hurry before anymore questions could be asked.

Two days later the news showed that an unknown man single handed took down a fake government organization that was illegally experimenting on ghosts and torturing them. John came back and read through every single file they had and sighed.

“Congratulations. I prevented the end of the universe.” He said lazily.

“Explain.” Bruce demanded.

Zatanna interrupted before John could reply. Her face was pale. “That was Danny Phantom.” She whispered in disbelief.

John only nodded and she fell onto a chair. She looked up at him with panic, ignoring everyone.

“Tell me. Don’t lie. How close were we?” She asked, completely serious.

“5 hours. If I didn’t find him in 5 hours every person on every planet would be slaughtered. They would not be merciful, they would slowly kill us until he was found, and they would not stop there. It would be 10 times worse than anything you can possibly imagine and no one but him could stop them. You were good to him, cared, no harm should come to any of you. I can’t say the same about CADMUS and the GIW.”

“Why didn’t he go back?” She asked. “You said he cares, why would he risk it?”

“His memories were erased, I gave them back but he didn’t know anything except for the last six months, possibly even less.”

“How did you get them to back off for so long?”

“I blackmailed God once, you know.”

“Yes, but every being is more powerful than him, the weakest is possible 3 times as powerful.”

“They respect Him, even if barely, but they do. So they, in turn, respect me. They know of my reputation and accomplishments, know I can somehow get out of anything, they let me have a chance to find him before they released them onto the universe.”

Zatanna thought about it for a couple seconds before nodding and slumping back into the chair.

A neon green sticky note appeared on John’s lap.

‘Thank you for returning our King. He needs guidance in your realm and you will now be considered his father, uncle to the public. Do not tell the mortals anything else.

-CW’

He looked to Zatanna. “Are you mortal?”

“No, technically not.” She responded and he wordlessly passed her the note. “John, I can’t read this. It’s in ghost speak and I have not died.”

“I am the new father/uncle to Danny Phantom. We can’t tell the mortals anything else.” John said and Zatanna chuckled.

“Does this mean Spooky can’t adopt Danny?” Flash asked and Bruce glared at him.

“Not unless he wants to be Ended.” Zatanna replied with amusement and a smile.

This was going to be interesting.

Amnesia AU

An AU where Danny gains amnesia after getting captured by the GIW. He gets saved by the Justice League just after they discover Superboy, trying to find out if any of them have been cloned. When they save Danny they don’t know that he is a ghost or halfa, not that Danny knows that either, and have him join the Young Justice League. He and Superboy become best friends, Danny often messing with Superman for his clonist bullshit on Superboy’s behalf. They become each other’s pillars in a world that is unfamiliar and against them.

So imagine John Constantine’s surprise to find the missing Ghost King, who’s people he has been trying to keep from declaring war against this dimension to find him, calling Superman “Captain Primary Color Palette” in the Justice League watchtower.

Writings of this AU:

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I think, after No Man's Land was over, Babs was probably the one to go with Cass to get a full doctor's assessment. Bruce probably read through all the files afterwards but Babs was the one sitting in the room with Cass as the doctor explained all the symptoms of malnourishment he could see, the state Cass's teeth and hair were in, the clear signs of trauma she displayed, all the impact almost 10 years of being a homeless child constantly running from her father had on her. And that's before they even got into all the damage done by the years of David Cain's abuse.

Cass wouldn't have really understood what they were saying. Just noticed that the doctor seemed like he wanted to throw up and Babs looked like if he kept talking in another few minutes she would either start crying or get angry. Which is weird because the only thing on screen is a photo of all Cass's leg scars and she doesn't get the horror. Yeah he shot her when she was six yeah that wound got reopened infected when she was nine and on the run and became an even nastier scar after months of pain. She survived and none of it made her a worse fighter so who cares.

I think Babs, looking at this teenager who's now living with her, under her care, so unbothered staring at an x-ray of her skull with visible thickness in certain places where the bone clearly had to heal over large cracks, would feel the weight of a life in her hands in a way she never had before. And it would terrify her.

Bruh I spent more time on the suitors' dead bodies than on Odysseus and Telemachus. But like, have this picture of "I Can't Help But Wonder", and also this took 16 hours, please appreciate it.

when I told a friend that I was a devout member of the “English teacher Jason Todd” headcanon, her addition was: “what if he catches one of his students in a gang or something? He begins to deal psychic damage while beating people up”

Jason: YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO INDENT A PARAGRAPH UNTIL A WEEK AGO, JARED. PUT THE GUN AWAY Jared: *runs* Jason: *yelling at his back* YES, GO CRY TO THE MOM WHO WAS WRITING YOUR ESSAYS UNTIL TENTH GRADE

the gangs start avoiding him because they’ve found out that any of their newer, younger recruits will flee at the sight of him. (By god, how did he know about that horrible test score? That awkward boner? That PE incident involving a stinky shoe? How did he have that kid’s MOM’S PHONE NUMBER???)