Carenjadee - Untitled

emotional night

i begin to think about how lonely nights have felt. im beginning to drown in my own thoughts on how physically im not lonely, i have family and friends who i know love me. but im emotionally lonely, i feel as if im gonna feel this loneliness till the end. it’s frightening because i know is one of the possible outcomes of my life.

list of things I want to be:

mysterious

angelic

enigmatic

ethereal

boisterous

list of things I am:

introverted

tired

sleepy

confused

unproductive

thought

i find myself thinking about you. i’ve thought about what you could be doing, what you’re thinking, or about you being here. and i can’t stop. i find myself thinking about you again and there’s nothing i can do rather than to bury my love for you.

growth

a mind possible of thinking about anything a body fit to run around all day through the fields a age where you feel free to wonder and i’m here reminiscing about yesterday the mind focused on the work the body of a child is all grown up the age where you want to be rebellious and i’m here thinking about today not sure about what to do not sure if you’ll achieve your goals not sure if you’re free to wonder and i’m here wondering about tomorrow ~c.e

cuties

like lovers do - igor oro

I loved the way the sun wrapped around you, like a dress woven from strands of light.

I loved the way you stayed close to me, as we held hands walking the empty streets at night.

I loved the way your eyes glimmered with hope, like a diamond pulled from the earth polished for the first time, or the way your smile could break through the eyes of the blind.

I loved your innocence, untainted by time and inbound by fate.

I loved your curiosity, and how you were cautious enough, enough to know what’s at stake.

The only problem was I was too used to heartbreak.

I became best friends with disappointment and I lost my belief in fate. So familiar with bad timing, I was always at the wrong place, until i realized I couldn’t go on seeing you as just a friend; I got so good at telling lies that even I started to believe them.

So now I’m gonna out my heart on the line and speak from my soul to let you know that your touch is really the only thing I can feel anymore. The glisten in your eyes, is the only thing I can see anymore. I wanna bring you close and whisper in your ear like lovers do, these soft spoken words weighed down heavy with truth.

Because honestly, all I want is to hold you as the sun goes down and not let go until it comes back up. I wanna be that warm connection that you crave whenever you feel a certain touch, I wanna be that rush of adrenaline that envelopes you as you get close enough to the climatic peck of a moment you’ve never felt before, that heavenly moment when you can’t take it anymore, then I want to be arms you fall into as you slip into a peaceful sleep, relieved of all that tension; let your guard down I’ll be your wall of protection. I wanna be the ship to steer you in the right direction, and if ever you should hit an iceberg and feel like you’re about to drown, I’ll be the cocoon of oxygen that surrounds you; Breathe me into your dreams, I want to be the seams that bind all you emotions together, I wanna be your fantasy, your idea of forever, I wanna be the roof over your head to shelter you from the rough weather, I wanna be the guy that sweeps you off your feet; I wanna be the pair of eyes you suddenly meet in a crowded place, I want to be the face of everything you’ve ever though you didn’t deserve, the voice of everything they said you couldn’t achieve.

Because the truth is..

You can become anything you dare to believe.

But most importantly..

I want you to know..

That even though this love of our might not have lasted. I would still walk with you to the end of the world..

And then past it.

message for him--

hey, you’re never gonna see this but i just have to write this down or else it’s gonna kill me on the inside. so me and you have history, i loved you and you loved me at least that’s what we’d say. but i broke it off well because i just couldn’t handle the “school stress” and having the thought i could only see you once a week, i just couldn’t. so at that time of course i thought it was a good idea to end it with you and so you could move on and maybe actually get a girl that is there with you and you can actually see in person. then i texted you because im a coward and said some lame excuse and not actually tell you whats wrong which would’ve been a better idea but i didn’t i just broke it off. then i immediately “liked” someone which wasn’t worth it, then i guess i “moved on”. well that’s what i thought, i was wrong. all the the people i had “feelings” for were distractions. what i mean is that me having those “feelings” for them was a distraction to how i really feel. i feel like im going crazy, because every second im not busy thinking about whatever, im thinking about what you’re doing or what we could’ve been doing at that moment. so all those people i thought i had feelings for were a distraction of how im actually missing you. but yet again im dumb because you’ve moved on and you probably hate how im crawling back to you right now when you’ve moved on so im sorry that my actual feelings and thoughts just hit me now because most of the time i have no idea what im doing. yet again you’re never gonna see this.