fauxrubies
jennie kim! she's a rebel since youth, but a woman, when needed. at the golden age of 26, she has much left to experience. she is broken but happy to live. sad, but in love with life. & you will never forget the moments you had with her.
30 posts
Latest Posts by fauxrubies
“I don’t want to be a piece of art. Nobody touches artwork. They just look from afar and move on.”
— Azra.T (via 5000letters)
jenrubyjane
03.03 / 16:13kst
blinks 🤍 i’m writing this post just in case you guys might get surprised. while taking this small break i’ve been looking after my health, eaten well and slept but while i was exercising, i took a wrong step and fell down and got a small injury on my face 🥺 i hoped it’d heal quickly so that you wouldn’t worry, but it’s still in the process of recovering so i think i’m going to have a band-aid on my face for a while. even if i look dumb, please understand ☺️ i want to put on a good show for everyone and i’m sorry. promise i’ll get better soon so don’t worry, see you soon.
03.03 / 16:19kst
you reallyreally don’t need to worry ☺️
03.03 / 16:24kst
that’s why… i can’t really take much pictures these days and i’m getting treatment everyday 🤦♀️ i’m sorry blinks 🤕🤕🤕
03.03 / 16:25kst
but now that i’ve told you i’ll try to take pictures even with the band-aid on 🙊🙊🙊
a long week.
jennie rarely lies, unless it causes less concern for those in her surroundings.
hence she lies to her managers when they drive her to the hospital, it’s an accident — tripped on the treadmill again. melodic warmth in her voice but no smile to match it, because the slightest movement of facial muscles causes skin to tug over the open wound and .. it hurts, even if she audibly won’t admit it.
you’ve been through worse, she coaxes herself into thinking. perhaps the issue is that she got nowhere to reach for comfort, when surroundings are filled with guesses and misconceptions, and she has no patience for explaining the long story of why, or how. likewise, jennie prefers accepting her mistakes as her own, and dislikes not being able to show her best side to those important in her life. acting, at its finest.
it’s tuesday, which also becomes the last time she sees him. until this moment it had merely been subtle bruises on an arm, from conversations that had gotten too direct for his personal tastes. (how come your friend taka says that you’re.. married..? why don’t you find me pretty anymore?) jennie asking too many questions, wanting the clarity, reassurance — anything. things once a given between them, reasons his initial lays permanently inked on her skin - a vast difference from the promises not kept and the reality he showed her.
it backfires, as always. he says he is scared, damaged, lust isn’t important, it’s only her for him, and she believes it.
until this time.
because jennie no longer loves this man.
———— under the uncomfortably florescent hospital lights alison peers over towards jennie, unamused with the sight, perhaps wondering if the idol did this to herself. it wouldn’t be entirely faulty of a guess, there are certain things one shouldn’t entertain, not even in the name of love. but jennie does.
contrary to popular belief it isn’t an act of harming herself, that can be done without painting it under the illusion of something as inspiring as love.
‘i called your mom.’
silence. jennie hasn’t managed to appease her family yet as the aftermath of her scandalous mishaps still hang over her head. now living in her own apartment instead of with them she has simply been unable to find reasons to see them, excuses of tours and being busy helping with just that. so her mother, hearing of this?
pitiful, and hard to swallow. not only because of pride. it reminds of that time in 2017 when jennie dated a very famous man, cunning and manipulative, and the reason she knows her family would stand by a reputable man rather than their daughter. it stings — but maybe not as much as her cheek and eye-area.
‘that was unnecessary..?’ she musters after a moment, gazes no longer meeting because jennie fidgets with her own fingertips as if it would be the most fascinating thing in the world.
‘she’s going with us to malaysia.’
head raised now, an unspoken why? ‘it’s not like i’m going to kill myself.’ slips with a sigh of defeat, possibly annoyance. neither of her parents came to their seoul concerts for what could be the girl-group’s final tour, she would’ve been happy with them being there - not with this.
————
about a day to go until another concert, she should have thought of an excuse for when people sees her in public again but the night is spent awake out of concern for jiho. she can’t put a finger on it, yet somehow jennie feels at fault and saddened by that scenario ; still there is nothing in her might that can fix it, unless he lets her. ironically that helplessness drowns out the own struggles.
on the way to the airport it hits her that she cannot hide this from her surroundings anymore. but she is going to try.
it wouldn’t be the first time she fell on a treadmill.
but preferably the last.
jenrubyjane 03.03 / 16:13kst blinks 🤍 i’m writing this post just in case you guys might get surprised. while taking this small break i’ve been looking after my health, eaten well and slept but while i was exercising, i took a wrong step and fell down and got a small injury on my face 🥺 i hoped it’d heal quickly so that you wouldn’t worry, but it’s still in the process of recovering so i think i’m going to have a band-aid on my face for a while. even if i look dumb, please understand ☺️ i want to put on a good show for everyone and i’m sorry. promise i’ll get better soon so don’t worry, see you soon.
24th january, tuesday.
paris fashion week. no, wait.. that was not why they were there this time. but it is the reason jennie faces discomfort, and what has most of her attention.
an invite delivered with a bouquet of flowers, both sent to her hotel room early in the morning the day before, outfit chosen and tailored .. smiles and childish excitement, excuses to be made pretty and expensive clothes still thrill her even after these almost seven years .. seven years ago, that man already loved paris, french erotic movies, french horror, and there had been plans to go there together throughout their 7-month relationship .. irony, but those are thoughts that won't cross jennie's mind for a few more hours. until then she exists in excitement, blissfully unaware.
as an idol she is anything but a stranger to sneaking away or missing out on experiences for love, but on the day of the fashion show she is met by the news that her ex boyfriend is in attendance of the same show. suddenly: the impulsive choice of ditching an important event because this is the love who snuck into her nightmares even years after it ended.
perhaps things would have looked different if it had been her second or third -- bashful glances and corners of lips curving upwards, while knowing it wouldn't go further. no harm besides planned futures which no longer are shared. quite an ordinary thing in life.
but on paris streets roam her first love, a man who taught her that peaceful love and honesty isn't granted only because there is a relationship between two people. him, the creator of now faint outlines of scars on her thighs. and the memories of being disposable, not good enough for his eyes (and hands) to linger only on her. paired with the insults, comparisons, lies. but he is a superstar. and she cannot risk standing there with him, face to face. because he never lost an argument. a proof in itself after he refused to dismiss their years-late rumors of dating, jennie considers it a petty act of revenge, because nothing in this world would tie her to that man by choice anymore. 2017 jennie simply hadn't been as clever and sometimes the consequences come much later. but who ever think they will be followed by the past to this extent?
wine. the chosen poison of the day. not the correct one, but she will call a friend for further assistance, that chanel show is going to be forgotten by blowing a month's rent on shopping.
no one needs to know why jennie bailed on her fashionshow schedule all of a sudden, not even her friend.
“Come over. I don’t really mind whether we talk for hours, get blind drunk, or sit in silence and look up to the stars. Sometimes, the world down here just gets a bit much, and I need to lose myself in someone’s company for a little while.”
— Beau Taplin
♡% . . . ❀ ❜ an au celebrity character inspired by the idol & the many rumors and things heard of jennie kim.
a collection of industry chaos and rich girl problems. by m.
twitter / carrd ( read for plots, disclaimer, stats & about )
“I just want one person to fight for me. To make me feel like I’m worth never letting go. I need someone to fight for me so selflessly and passionately; so much so, I can feel it through the universe. I want someone to hold on tight to me, because they know I’m worth it, the way I know I’m worth it.”
— Treka L. House
15th october, saturday.
the lights go off and she can hear everything, the crowd cheering, curious, anticipating whatever may come next -- and the increased volume when her name is the only thing in lights. she knows, aims for an element of surprise.
i love you and me, ... dancing in the moonlight ...
a lover of the moon, that's jennie. someone who has sought endless comfort on silent nights by pouring up a bath and watching the sky, or walked out to the river to seek an undefined *something* while in company of only the stars and moon. they see her sins and mistakes, yet never leave her.
he was the same for her once, but not anymore. and she is scared that life lacks meaning.
the man who dances with her is in charge, fluid and gentle in his movements, many which are inspired by ballet. it's dark around them, a rendition of the moon there to blind the crowd and for a brief moment only the shadowy outlines of jennie and her partner exist in the world, no one else. he moves like he cherishes her -- she pushes him away, because that lie has been told before. and jennie want it seen, for the world to be aware that she knows she is trouble, without saying the words.
feigned independence is a contrast of red on the otherwise clean and white backdrop. love isn't only bright and beautiful, it's harsh and complex.
the song and performance hits close to home. that was the whole point, in this way she can open up, tell the world that she is scared of what she longs for the most. am i asking for help?
yet she smiles more than she means to, because this, on the very stage, is the thrill she lives for. until the dancer grabs her hands above her head, because she needs that, someone reaching out to hold her. perhaps to forcefully remind her that she is worth the struggle of fame and gossip, that her fears cannot compare to the hold he has on her. reassurance. possessiveness.
but fear.
her hand refusing to take his once free from the hold, a glamorized battle for control, intimacy, and trust. ( the one who gives up control in love is the one left in pain when the illusion is over ) all mixed in with magnetic drive to not let go, being unable to, being drawn in for more. it settles on the hemline of his pants -- her fingertips onto bare skin as his shirt is undone. love isn't only childish and innocent, it's manipulative and dark, dipped in lust. words unspoken through escapades where the moonlight is the only thing illuminating two lovers. jennie finds it vulnerable, a contrast from what many view as easy, because she believes there is truth in each exchange. it has lead her astray a few times, but unspoken reassuance and an acceptance of each other happens even like that ; tangled up in bed, letting someone see your darkness.
the subtle art of attraction.
she sings about liking how he makes her feel, how it puts a something in her days, how she doesn't care about his previous loves because she plans to be his last, and it all feels like an old page out of her notebook, the one she goes nowhere without.
i don't wanna fall, don't wanna play this game alone with nowhere to hide ...
jennie knows the person the song is about never will be back, she's alone and this is a letter to the moon.
maybe someday someone will understand, and still hold her there through the fight. she wants to think she is valuable enough.
“He’s toxic. His smile will poison you. His boyish charm dangerous. The glint in his eyes as he challenges you to do something devious is lethal.”
— (via hellothisistruth)
[ ✿ ] - my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse. eunwoo & jennie.
it looks like something straight out of a horror movie. hair slick to her cheeks, water still dripping from the strands and it's officially autumn now, if eunwoo hadn't noticed before he surely will now as a drenched jennie shows up by his door at 1:58 am. when it rains it pours, not only in the sense that one tragedy is followed by many others, clearly it also applies to the weather. a late-night walk along the river ended up here, after a keycard was lost and a phone screen shattered. she simply tried to drown out the blues, not literally end up looking like someone who had been too close to drowning.
"i lost my room key." silence, "… and wrecked my phone.."
scared it sounds like an excuse she quickly coaxes up a formerly-functional phone from her pocket, showing it for the man in front of her as if it had been the aforementioned roomkey to earn access ; but to his apartment, rather than the hotel room she rents while her family doesn't want to see her. ( refuses to, if painfully honest )
by now eunwoo has progressed why someone is at the door in the middle of a rainy night. jennie ponders about if he also had been up, listening to the rainfall against the windows, let the blues in, or perhaps slept, when he sighs: 'get in, you're crazy.'
fifteen or so minutes later she sits on one of his kitchen-counters in a borrowed tee and sweats, towel over her shoulders to dry up her hair because it is far too late for either of them to start mopping his floors. a yawn stifled behind one hand, eunwoo struggling not to mirror her while unenthustiastically poking a burnt piece of toast in a most questionable mixture that jennie swears is the correct way of making brioche french toast.
'are you really sure this is how—' he chimes in, a concerned glance in direction up from .. whatever that is .. and towards the still half-drenched woman sitting there. her "yes, i googled it!" is quicker than what sounds trustworthy, especially if having heard jennie admit not having cooked much over the past two years, which recently was mentioned on radio, and she hopes he is unaware of that. yet before they have a chance to argue about jennie's former cooking skills it's——
stuck.
until the spatula forcefully gets underneath burnt bread, flinging it off the pan and straight onto the floor … surprise on both their faces, yet eunwoo stares at the pan in absolute disbelief. this couldn't possibly have happened. and mere seconds later the tiredness is like forgotten when soft laughter fills the room.
"let's just order delivery or make ramen instead..?" probably the first good idea jennie has had over the past 24 hours.
SEND A SYMBOL FOR A CORRESPONDING PROMPT/STARTER.
[ ☎ ] my muse calls yours in tears.
[ ✪ ] our muses are stuck in an elevator together.
[ ◐ ] my muse is having a sleepover with your muse.
[ ✿ ] my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse.
[ ◈ ] my muse makes a drunk confession to your muse.
[ ღ ] my muse makes an attempt to cheer your muse up.
[ ✦ ] my muse pushes yours out of frustration/anger.
[ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.
[ ➤ ] my muse accidentally punches your muse in the face.
[ ⌚ ] my muse recalls their favorite memory with your muse.
[ ✜ ] my muse collapses in front of yours, all bloodied and bruised.
[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again.
[ ✈ ] my muse asks yours to accompany them on a trip/mission/etc.
[ ● ] my muse catches yours snooping through their belongings.
[ ☻ ] my muse wakes up in your muse’s closet the night after a party.
[ ✌ ] my muse reaches out to yours after months of no communication.
[ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.
[ ✠ ] it’s three in the morning and my muse unexpectedly arrives at your muse’s home.
[ ☁ ] the entire city is without power due to a storm, and our muses run into each other during a supply run.
anyone 6'0 or taller: stands near me
me: [softly] for fuck's sake
6th october, thursday.
the same hotel ever since returning from usa, it doesn't feel like home.
on second thought, that makes sense. she doesn't have a home anymore. family stern about the issues having to be sorted out before jennie earns another shot at deserving the title as their daughter. and even then it would merely offer a chance of them considering letting her move back in. but is it home? welcoming? no, not anymore. the other home no longer exists either, he is long gone and that is something she feels almost daily. you don't belong anywhere, jennie.
the days have been long and busy, rehearsals for the upcoming tour and she is glad, no one asks there, all concerns drowned out inbetween loud music, focus, and patterns through steps and motion. practice for selling a dream, that they are strong and perfect. worthy of being idols. her manager asks if she wants to come over for dinner late one evening, it's sincere, easily noted in his cautiousness when asking. jennie faces him with tired eyes, the smile polite but with no life in it.
'no, i'm on a diet, remember?'
that earns a dishonest chuckle from him before he merely nods once, repeating the diet part for himself. knows it's bullshit. yet her excuse looks too valid for him to argue with it, she looks drained. much like the times when dieting too hard (or when her heart has been broken, or rumors have been too much, or times when guilt spreads her happiness thin) but what is he to say? she is an adult.
the remainder of the ride passes in silence. by her favourite hotel ( the one with the charming indoor pool that you can see the moon from ! ) jennie lingers with a hand on the door of the car, for an instance he wonders if the barely-heard words only exist in his imagination, but her eyes are a bit sad. no, actually sad. so he knows he heard it --
'.. but thank you.'
the door is shut before any questions can be asked. sometimes he worries that jennie is going to do more than just kill the old parts of herself. they say women with nothing to lose aren't scared of ruin. he has a feeling it will become a fulltime job if she takes the approach her LA friends do, a hedonistic party girl will have a hard time in the eyes of the korean industry.
27th september, tuesday.
jetlag still haunts her with only a few days since arriving back in korea, skipping from LA to NYC left its own mark, and the restless nights lead here ; too tired to be swallowed alive by stress, too tired to run from photo after photo which may make way from her icloud.
life had been eventful, perhaps too much. an impromptu meeting at 5-something am in desperation for help at securing her devices. her manager had recommended the person in question, and that night had been long and hectic. yet in the midst of the mess jennie had considered it almost therapeutic to have her sins exposed to someone, it was the closest to honesty that the situation had offered. and somehow -- closure. this is happening, whether she wants it to or not. and all she can do is cope, be fluid, embrace the speckles of light and the weight of darkness. unsure of what to expect out of their meeting she had kept the man company until early hours, when the sun would make its way over the cityscape of seoul. he had been concentrated, fingers swift over the keyboard, explained what jennie couldn't fully grasp, and once voicing out positivity she had relaxed for the first time since the news broke. and thus? fallen asleep on his sofa. it had ironically turned into the safest spot in seoul.
the moon is at its prettiest in the dark, jennie thinks while getting dressed up in a white mini-dress. one could consider it innocent looking, if not for the fact that it barely offers coverage. ( she thanks yoga and boxing and running for being able to pull it off ) but her styling team positively chimes that this ! this is the dress which will soften her appearance after all the ongoing rumors! it takes more than a dress for that, but her friends abroad offer assurance over the phone-- telling her that this is all like a big tv show, her whole life. and now is the time to play the part.
with how the past days had looked, jennie feels like a fraud. ( perhaps that is why she only makes it through half the event before spilling coffee on the dress .. though some may blame her anxiety, the fear of people and what they think of her .. and changes back into baggy black jeans instead.. )
delicate shoulders are exposed, so she looks as tiny as she is, harmless, dainty. fans still greet her with excitement and jennie once again wonders whether she deserves their patience or faith, hell -- she doesn't even have any faith in herself. only knows that she is in this labyrinth of fame until it is over, however the end may reach her.
[lawyer voice] the prosecution makes a compelling argument, but have you considered this *puts middle finger up*
Tender is the night For a broken heart Who will dry your eyes When it falls apart?
19th september, monday.
she doesn't know it yet -- but this is not going to be her week. monday. an iffy day in general according to popular opinion. perhaps not now, when far from the blues and closer to warmth that feels like summer ; LA. that reasoning lasts for a while ... only a while.
right before recording a performance for a tv segment she is nudged aside by the manager. eyes flickering up to catch sight of his face - then and there, without a word, jennie recognizes this is bad.
what's wrong..? her words go by ignored, a refusal for any sort of explanation or even response until they reach the group's makeup room which has been abandoned by the others.
i haven't done anything, i promise--
interrupted.
they have all your photos.
...all?
disbelief. perhaps she is playing dumb, or simply unable to imagine how fucking bad it is.
the way in which his hand leaves her shoulder is anything but reassuring, yet she stares up at him -- as if she cannot risk blinking in fear of what might come next. ( but no way she could hear wrong on this one ) he is only 4 years older than her, a close friend after the many travels and issues dealt with together. thus, the carefulness in the moment is somehow scaring her more than occasionally being lectured, and he is so visibly uncomfortable, more than jennie ; understandable as her gaze remains locked on him and ........
jennie. they're leaking your nudes..
while he still avoids meeting her eyes there is something so sad in how his voice is filled with nothing but defeat once uttering those words out loud. her name itself spoken almost like an apology. in that second jennie fails to comprehend this is about her, and it feels easier to focus on the concern for her own manager rather than grasp the reality.
reality hits hard when alone a few hours later.
somewhere between then and getting the news, jennie had slept, cried, deleted her private social media accounts, changed passwords. had ignored her mother's phone calls, all five of them. alongside the spam of concerned texts. ( the vision of her father never talking to her again after this got her too ashamed to. )
jennie is mourning the death of the image had -- knowing it will never be the same now, the internet never forgets. those pictures meant only for the love of her life, and no one else. but she cannot reach out to him now, and that is where the stress sets in. how do you rely on anyone now that your mistakes are for the whole world to see? she misses him. wouldn't he have told her that they could run away, find a spot where no one recognizes them? bring her wine, or food? walk through empty streets with his arm pressed against hers on nights when sleep was scared off by anxiety?
it was an easier time when relying on him, but that was then. nothing lasts forever - life so harshly teaches her time and time again.
in the unholy hours of the night jennie leaves the rented LA villa. hints of smeared mascara that has been covered up by makeup, phone on do not disturb. she plans to get in trouble, just to feel something else.
25th may, 2022. 22:11.
it’s cloudy. the summer-air outside hot and stuffy, but inside the ventilated apartment she covers up in a cropped cardigan for extra warmth. air always clean, easy to breathe, dogs playing with each other and it’s like she is 14 again.
if ignoring how it has been a month since her last dinner at home, and how it hadn’t precisely gone well. that time over a hair color and the rumors carried home after coachella. now? she’s called into the living room by her father, somehow a similarity with how she got called into the office at the company building. but worse.
….exactly like being 14 again.
Keep reading
24th april, 2022. 18:22.
’he’s angry because this could compromise things for him at work…’
the half-whispered reassurance sounds more like it’s uttered to justify her father, who just slammed a door shut on the way to the in-home office, rather than something meant to comfort jennie.
the kitchen table doesn’t feel like *home* today. or maybe too much like home.
Keep reading
“i think the beauty of nature is something that cannot be replaced. not only from the blue scenery you take in by your eyes, but also from the sound you hear once you step on snow, and that feeling of crisp air. (in moments like those) i feel like everything in me is healing by itself. i got energized by nature and made myself a promise for the new year.”
Q. what was your promise? february is a good time to make some late new year’s resolutions.
‘let’s put more time towards a healthy body and mind.’ that’s my priority for this year. in terms of work, i also have the desire to show more of my growth than last year. but above all i want to see fans and meet them in person as soon as possible.
Q. in life there’s things that cannot be solved even if trying to. sometimes it feels hopeless / like it’s out of your hands, how does jennie handle such a situation?
even in such a situation i tend to do my utmost and try my very hardest, so i don’t have any regrets. if i can’t solve it after doing everything in my power then i have to put significance into my efforts and the process itself, and accept the outcome. even if i can’t just forget it like nothing happened.
Q. is there a specific moment that makes you realize ‘i value this person and we’re really close’? explain jennie’s way of expressing affection
i tend to be very shy. but when i’ve gotten to know somebody we naturally joke around a lot! i also become very attentive and dedicate myself to taking care of them, and generously try to shower them in my affection.
Q. do you agree with the saying that ‘life is short’? time can pass by quickly yet it can also flow slowly
normally the saying ‘life is short’ didn’t resonate with me. but when suddenly entering into 2022 i thought time had been going by really fast. i guess that’s why i keep making promises/goals for myself ; i should do my best so i can live every moment without regret.
Keep reading