Even A Forehead Kiss Would Have A Maladjusted Freak Like Me Bricked The Fuck Up. To Be Honest

Sent my friend my unpublished, unfinished House MD fic and they don’t watch House MD so the fact they asked earnestly me to send them my fic after I talked about it instead of telling me to stfu makes my head swim a little

But then they actually read it and complimented my writing and said that I needed to put it on ao3 because it would get so much love and now I can hardly breathe and all I’ve been thinking about is writing more not just bc writing it would give me satisfaction but because I want them to read it

Like I usually do most of my writing for myself but this fic…it’s for myself and them

its OK 2 B Ugly AF & get no Game

The most intimate experience I’ve ever had with another person has got to be when my friend and I drove around for over an hour and she just patiently listened to my rant about House MD and Hilson even tho she had never watched it and it also wasn’t the type of media she engaged in. And half way through the drive she started constructing a playlist specifically of songs that were so Hilson coded “for inspiration” and once there were a few songs on the playlist we started taking turns explaining what exactly in the song FELT Hilson coded and it’s the closest I’ve felt to being understood

Went to a zine fest and took a picture of a bumper sticker that said “honk if you love old man yaoi” so I could show it to my friend and as I was trying to text her a picture of it SHE SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE BUMPER STICKER and the caption was “this you?”

hyperfixation so bad people associate it me with it

I see you tagged this post with Leroy Jethro Gibbs…that man is the opposite of bitchless (both in my head and in canon)

Watch ur mouth…

leave him alone that's my emotional support grumpy middle aged white man with a layered past and zero bitches who's also really good at his job

Currently making a list of male actors (specifically how they looked in the 90s) that I both want to dominate and also view as transition goals and the list is EMBARRASSING so obv I’m going to share it:

1) James Spader but specifically him in the movie Crash (this is a VERY new development)

2) Robert Sean Leonard (I swear this is NOT connected to my House MD hyperfixation trust me bro)

3) Thomas Gibson :)

4) Robin Williams in The Birdcage (his wardrobe and mustache are everything to me)

5) Richard Belzer (rip)

Pls rb with suggestions and ridicule

Ok ok so yes angst that builds over the course of the narrative and ends with A and B fucking absolutely NASTY is fun and all but consider:

The arc *starts* with A and B fucking nasty once or maybe even a few times (because what else would be a better inciting incident?) and it catches the reader off guard bc isn’t this supposed to be angst? What’s the plot? Is this just self indulgent smut (which is still fine but not what the reader was expecting)

Bc A is happy about it, thrilled even. Feelings have been acted on, things are looking up…even tho they went from 0 to 100 with B it feels normal.

B on the other hand, is a disaster. Repression with a side of pride and a dash of comphet for good measure. It wasn’t until they were literally in bed with A (or a closet, or the back seat of a car) that they even considered A to be an option. At least consciously.

THATS where you get the angst, babie! The angst and the new build up comes in the same way. Arguing, distance, confusion, manipulation…but instead of it being “will they, won’t they” it’s “will they ever again” which is just so DELICIOUS!!!!

Like every time their fingers brush or there’s lingering eye contact or an absentminded comment is made it is colored even worse because THEY’VE ALREADY DONE SOMETHING! SOMETHING HAS ALREADY HAPPENED! A and B both know there’s something there because they broke the bed (or the closet door, or the car seat) so of course they wouldn’t be rejected…right?

And of course after thousands upon thousands of words of angst and slow burn and self destructive behavior they fuck nasty AGAIN but they don’t pull away from each other after

Fic over! Boom! Done! Give me your wallet!

Manic episode has taken on a new phase in which I have taken on the terrible parts of the fictional characters I have been hyperfixated on and now Icannot stop making strange jokes, laughing crudely, or having lustful thoughts about those around me

a wonderful ao3 author note