Latest Posts by grey--scales - Page 2
A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd
If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.
Tim has to be fed and watered daily.
Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.
Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.
Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.
Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.
Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.
Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.
DO NOT LET DUKE RUN MISSIONS. HE FORGETS THAT THE REST OF THE TEAM IS MORTAL.
Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.
Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Makes sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.
Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.
The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.
Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.
Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a deathwish.
Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.
god it took me AGES but it’s finally done. Happy Batman Day!
[SOURCE]
surprise pizza party at wally’s
a real interaction I once had while eating pineapple pizza
Dick: Uh, Tim, why do you have a gold sticker on your arm?
Tim: Jason’s handing them out.
Damian, showing his arm off proudly: I got the most.
Dick: Um, that’s nice?
Tim: We each get one every time we punch someone in the face on patrol.
Dick: Okay, less nice…
Steph: Jason decided the best way to show his displeasure towards Bruce was to be as petty as possible.
Tim: B said it wasn’t necessary to punch everyone we saw committing crime in the face.
Dick: A bit hypocritical, but continue.
Steph: Jason saw the opening.
Damian: And I won.
Villain: “You and I are very much alike, you know.”
Hero: “I realize that.”
Villain: “Doesn’t that trouble you?”
Hero: “Why would it? I share most of my genome with sewer rats.”
“wow it must suck being the only teen titans member without superpowers”
tim drake, with an unlimited number of memes: “are u kidding”
Really wanted to draw little Dick Grayson after too much work stress and ended up going on a binge. Bonus stupid commentary.
Some things never change lol (esp when these two aren’t fighting)
I don’t have an explanation or anything to try to back this up but Jason Todd should own a guillotine
I've always wondered how Jason would be publicly integrated back into the family without it seeming suspicious as fuck (because let's be real, legally reviving your son who turns out to not actually be dead is gonna be real hard to explain to the public)
So instead of going through all the hassle of paperwork and a cover story, what if Jason just sorta...popped back into the family without any explanation whatsoever?
But instead of explaining his reappearance, Jason just doesn't fucking say anything and acts like the once dead Wayne kid suddenly being alive isn't the biggest fucking deal in Gotham right now
and when someone tries to approach him he just looks at them wide-eyed and says in his most startled voice "...you can SEE me?"
and then the second the person takes their eyes off him he just ✨disappears✨ (because bat powers obviously) and it freaks everyone the fuck out
and when the other batkids get interviewed they just put up their best act of pretending they have no idea what anyone's talking about
Reporter: Mr. Drake, what do you have to say about the impossible return of your late brother?"
Tim: Who?
Reporter: ...
their performances range from straight up ignorance to dramatically bursting into tears whenever someone brings up the topic
Reporter: Do you have anything to say about the recent events surrounding Jason Todd?"
[Cue Dick letting out the most obnoxious wail possible and crying all over the reporter]
Reporter: Oh-I didn't mean to upse-
Dick: I just wish I was there for him more when he was alive, yknow?
Reporter: Ah, well-
Dick: And sometimes I wonder what he would've been like now...All grown up and going to college...[more fucking sobbing]
Reporter whispering under their breath: What the fuck is going on
everyone stopped asking Dick after that.
these shenanigans get so ridiculous to the point where Jason's even started standing RIGHT NEXT to his siblings whenever they're in public and they just pretend like he isn't even fucking there
it's come to the point where ghost!Jason (?) even has his own wiki page where people just talk about his weird ass appearances and the possibilities of him being a cryptid
and oh yeah this all happens during the span of one week while Bruce is (conveniently) off world
when he comes back he's just met with half of Gotham in hysterics over his dead son and theorizing if the Waynes are being haunted and he has absolutely zero clue about what the fuck is going on
he first finds out from an interviewer asking him how he feels about his ghost son and how any of this is even possible
but I imagine that Bruce's brain kinda short circuits and the only thing he's processing right now is that Jason is back in the family and he just starts tearing up like, "My son is back in the family? He loves me? 🥺"
and everyone in Gotham is like Mr. Wayne did you miss the fucking part where your DEAD son is just ALIVE again and just chilling around the city??
anyways you CANNOT tell me Jason wouldn't use this opportunity to pull the biggest prank in Gotham history like that boy LIVES for drama
police commissioner jim gordon editing this on MS paint: this is going to absolutely demolish crime
and you better watch out when he steps in
I FILMED MYSELF READING THIS TWITTER POST AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO STOP LAUGHING
Edit: I know I said INT wrong, the words were really small so I read “INT traditional” as “international”. Just figured I’d clear that up cause a lot of people pointed it out LMAO
“Jonathan, dear, he’s brooding out on the tractor with that awful music on again — are you sure it’s just a phase?”
Happy Batman Day!!!
Lads, he's back at it again
I love Alfred and Tim’s reaction to Dick and Bruce about to fight.
Comic: “Batman: Gotham Knights #1”
father daughter bonding
WIP I wasn’t kidding about those Dick+Donna covers 👁👄👁
we agree that bernard has contributed to at least half of the dcu’s “third robin x reader” fics right??
do u think superman ever had sky sex. u know. just whipped it out while floating a couple hundred feet over metropolis
starfire and her boys.
'just take the picture robin'
Batman: Gotham Knights #22 // Detective Comics #796 // Robin (1993) #127-128
I want more of Steph and Bruce's dynamic so bad 😭😭
Jason comes back to life but instead of the Pit being rage, it travels with him as a very murderous but also slightly helpful voice in his head. (A lá Venom)
Pit: kill Tim.
Jason: No. We don’t do that anymore.
Pit: … kill for Tim?
Jason: Sure. I can get on board with that.
———
Pit: Drink water!
Jason: I’m busy.
Pit: You have not drank water in 6 hours and 42 minutes. Drink water!!
Jason: ugh. Fine.
———
Pit: Death. Death comes. Death comes to those who dare be insolent before us.
Jason: No.
Pit: Yessssss… let us eat our enemies.
Jason: omg NO. We are not eating Dick because he stole a cookie.
Pit: You are weak. You are a coward. Let us tear the cookie from his innards.
Jason: No. Remember how we stopped eviscerating two months ago. Dick is keeping his intestines just the way they are.
Dick: I’m sorry, but what?
Robin: *does a Quadruple Summer Sault*
Baby stalker Tim Drake: Richard you have girlbossed a little too close to the sun
What a strong kiddo!
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