My Favourite Pass Time Is Cursing Tolkien For Being The Little Prat He Is For Killing Off My Beloved

if skyrim followers complained about me as much as i complain about them

'she just ran on ahead so i followed and got stuck in a bear trap. turns out she has that sneak perk that means you don't set off traps. and she didn't mention this to me gods damn it. i'll have these scars for ever now. both mental and physical'

'so i stood there zapping the bandits while she crept around in the back looting all the chests and barrels she could find. didn't even thank me. didn't give me a share of the profit. she gave me a pretty neat sword she found but the moment we returned to whiterun she sold it'

'i have never seen anyone this addicted to alchemy. straight up dropped like five soul gems and a pair of boots so she could carry more cave mushrooms. like i know i'll never see the profit from any of these valuables but it grinds my gears so much'

'she went straight up a mountain. like a vertical rock face. in the time it took her to struggle to the top i'd found the path not fifty yards away. oh yes and yesterday she just straight up yeeted herself off a cliff. said something about being able to reload if it didn't work. honestly i wouldn't care but she's the fricking dragonborn and i'm being held responsible for her safety'

'she keeps going into sneak mode and then back again in quick succession apparently just to confuse me. turns out she finds it amusing watching me bob up and down trying to copy her. gods damn it she's a literal child'

'that time she ran headlong into a cave full of bandits and then hid behind me when they attacked. said something about it being fine because i'm essentially immortal. i didn't feel immortal when it was done'

'those times when i do most of the fighting while she hides, only for her to run in last minute, do one of those hideous shout things, and take all the credit'

'i'm carrying five swords and a delicatessen's worth of cheese and then she hands me an entire fricking dragon'

'she laughed at me because i can't swim very well. she didn't have to swim across the river when there was a perfectly good bridge right next to us. also if i looked like i was drowning it's because i was. there was a slaughterfish'

'when she hired me i didn't even know she was the dragonborn. i just thought we'd have a jolly to a couple of caves and then part ways. but no. 67 caves, several trips up to high hrothgar and a metric f*ckton of dragons later and we're still going. i do not get paid enough for this sh*t'

For those who say Terzo would look terrifying if he smiled, I counter you with this clip:

Sugar Plum Queenie: I HAD THE BEST IDEA AT WORK TODAY: THE MERLIN CHARACTERS AT DISNEY LAND. IMAGINE THE CHAOS: LITTLE GIRLS HOUNDING MERLIN BECAUSE HE IS TOO PRETTY NOT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A DISNEY PRINCE; ARTHUR STRUGGLING TO LIFT THE SWORD IN THE STONE IN FANTASY LAND AND ALMOST GETTING KICKED OUT BY SECURITY; THE KNIGHTS GOING WILD ON THE SPINNING TEA CUP RIDE; MORGANA AND GWEN BEING MISTAKEN FOR THE EVIL QUEEN AND PRINCESS TIANA AND AWKWARDLY STANDING FOR PHOTOS WHEN THEY JUST WANT CHURROS

the poor, overworked employees, looking on in silent, wide-eyed horror at the party of armored men screaming their hearts out on the teacup ride, at this man and the two ladies who are most definitely not a face character yet very reluctantly posing for photographs with a few dozen little girls, at the asshole literally trying to pry the goddamn sword out of the goddamn stone: 

Hc that if you look into a Dovahkiins eyes deep enough you can see Akatosh.

"Wait...they're ALL shipped together??"

"Always have been."

The way I've become so attached to Copia as the first papa who's alive while I'm in the fandom, I hate the theories where he's gonna die. Cause of course he's gonna die. But it still hurts to theorize about it and i just physically hurt inside at the thought of this stupid little rat man dying a sad death yk

another gravity falls animation! :3 hope yall enjoy!

Eyewitnesses claim they are capable of things other than cruelty and destruction. The discovery had experts shitting themselves.

I love how some books have a low rating when the sequel books have astonishingly high ratings. Like, the author wrote that first book like that to make you hate the life the mc has or how things are where they live, to help you understand the mc's need to escape. But some of you are like I hate how the author pictured the mc. They are such a weakling. They have no backbone to defend themselves whatsoever. The world around them was disgusting, I don't want to read more about it. I mean yeah, if the book triggers things for you you shouldn't continue. But then again, you should've checked the tws before starting it and then giving it a low rating. If it's not the triggers, then I'm sorry to tell you that you're a prejudiced piece of shit. You want to escape that world so you stop reading it and spit your hatred in reviews, then give it a one star. But if you had continued the series you could've seen that the mc is not the weakling you thought them to be. You missed out on all the good parts of the story. And I'm happy you didn't read the continuation because you don't deserve to read about such awesome characters. Go be miserable in your hatred-filled life.