Latest Posts by jellomortality - Page 2

Doot doot

Ack! Away with thee foul calciferous being! Away!

...Where is it, where is it... aha!

Wizard Attack: Jellybones!

Plot twist: the Fae of the Well was once part of the same trade, but their mother took home the other child. The Fae was not shocked at being "outwitted", they were shocked to see a mother who could easily tell the two apart, yet loved both children despite the changeling's "quirks".

Two identical infants lay in the cradle. “One you bore, the other is a Changeling. Choose wisely,” the Fae’s voice echoed from the shadows. “I’m taking both my children,” the mother said defiantly.

I, apprentice wizard JelloMortality, support my brethren in the skeleton wars!

I JOIN THE SKELETON WAR ON THE SIDE OF THE WIZARDS

NYOHOHOHOHOHO~✨

LINK TO SKELETON WAR GUIDELINES

LINK TO SKELETON SIGN UP (HARRUMPH)

LINK TO OUR SPELL BOOK

LINK TO A COOL DOG

HOW TO PARTICIPATE

1: IF YOU WANT SKELETONS TO ATTACK YOU, COMMENT ON THIS POST ABOUT HOW BLAND AND DULL THEIR ARMOR LOOKS

2: GO OVER TO THE SKELETON SIGN UP POST, INVADE THE INBOXES OF ANYONE WHO MINDLESSLY COMMENTS, AND CAST A SPELL ON THEM (YOU SHOULD USE SPELL SUMMON BEAR)

3: POST ABOUT THE SKELETON WAR AND USE TAGS #skeleton war #skeleton war 2022 AND ALSO #wizardposting #wizard council

4: (OPTIONAL) BLAZE ONE OF YOUR SKELETON WAR POSTS TO ATTRACT MORE RECRUITS. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU LINK TO THE GUIDELINES IN YOUR BLAZED POSTS

I have ruined it improved it.

dp bitches are so starved for content we'll see a poorly drawn green circle drawn on ms paint and reblog it

Okay but how many students were recording this for posterity? How many people wanted proof that "Uncle Fruitloop" was a real live person and pulled out their phones to record? How many wide-eyed undergrads now have video proof of Vlad "THE Rich White Guy™" Masters bickering with a twenty-year-old, implying yandere levels of stalkerdom towards said twenty-year-old's mother, and then driving off with him as if this was perfectly normal behavior?

Within 2 days of the argument, "Uncle Fruitloop" goes viral. There are vicious debates over whether or not the videos are real. Business moguls are suddenly very interested in the boy Masters apparently wants as an apprentice. "Motherfucker wannabe" becomes a meme.

When asked about the conversation, Vlad Masters claims his nephew is simply overdramatic and refuses to acknowledge further questions. Naturally this only raises further questions.

I can’t stop thinking about how Vlad is like the DP universe equivalent of some strange queer crossbreed between Elongated Muskrat and Jefferham Bezos AND he’s also Danny’s shitty uncle. But you would never even consider the two know each other, because Danny is just some guy, nobody would ever make a connection between him and Vlad unless you were close enough with either of them or you lived in AP. Imagine being Danny’s college roommate. Imagine how shocking and chaotic that would be. There’s some random weird ass kid from some backwater town, that you can barely remember the name of, sharing a room with you. And like, he’s chill for the most part. Weird as hell at times but easy enough to get along with. He brings up his uncle sometimes and the guy sounds more and more insane each time your roommate describes him. “What kind of pathetic old man gets into a prank war with a teenager?” “What do you mean he named his cat after your mom?? ” “Why didn’t you call the cops on him when he spiked your dad’s drink at the New Year’s party so he wouldn’t have to listen to him?!!” Your roommate’s creepy gross sad lonely uncle becomes kind of an inside joke between you and your friends. That’s why, when your roommate announces that his uncle is coming to pick him up and drive him home for some important family event, you all gather near the parking lot to finally witness this myth of a man in real life. It’s also why you nearly faint in shock when Vlad fucking Masters steps out of a car to greet your roommate who, without missing a beat, immediately calls him a bitch.

I'm not gay, but I AM asexual. If I wasn't targeted for supporting queer people, I would be targeted for never dating (if she's not interested in men, she must be hiding an interest in women! Gasp!).

no i'm a filthy socialist, get your facts straight

I usually use "I literally give no fucks", but yours is also excellent

i was trying to explain asexuality to an acquaintance and in the heat of the moment i summarized it as "it's like different strokes for different folks, but some folks prefer fewer-to-no strokes."

and then i had to stop and process what i'd just said

Day 25 Favorite Monster Girl. Nagas. Who knew they’d be so fun to draw? Especially with their colors. Also I really like doing the henna designs.

Another possibility: what if the accountants' clients were all supernatural creatures of various types, each somehow evading the notice of the rest of the family? A vampire hunter ranting about "pale-faced leeches" while their accountant cousin sneaks away to take a call from "Dr. Acula"

I have a question for the ask game, for the ‘Like, The Worst Family Reunion Ever’. Is the branch of accountants the group that give Danny what he needs to wrangle the rest of the family in, or are they the one part of the family that manages to cause Danny the biggest problem out of all?

Like with the original prompt, there are many ways to go!

For the first, we know that hunters of the supernatural probably aren't completely up front about their taxes, so a good threat could possibly rein them in.

For the second, well, that same fact makes them a real threat, too! Also, we can do fun things like make them accountants for mobsters and such, not just the IRS.

But on the other hand, I think it would also be funny if the accountants' problem was the only one Danny felt neither equipped nor obliged to solve. XD

trying to decide if i'd rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it's tricky

Okay, but I would 100% forget something in the fridge one autumn and have to get a whole new fridge that spring

a complete travesty that humans didn't evolve to hibernate during winter. we could have had it all. we could have had utopia on earth. paradise lost indeed

it's absolutely outrageous to me that humans can't easily reattach body parts. most of the time when someone "loses" a finger (for example) that finger is not actually lost! it is briefly separated from the body but it's usually still THERE in the same room! you should be able to pick it up and pop it back on like a mr. potato head accessory. there should be a time limit--if you reconnect the vacationing body part in under say 15 minutes then that's a freebie, no harm done. i am livid over this state of affairs. i am starting a petition

I have a story for you.

I was at a family reunion (or something like that), and I was 3 or 4 years old. My mom was talking with one of my uncles-cousins-relatives-I-guess (as grown-ups do) when I walked up to ask a Very Important Question (I don't remember what this Question was, but it probably had something to do with cats. I love cats).

Anyway, the grown-ups were not paying attention to me, and toddler me was Not Happy with this. So naturally, I grabbed at the nearest grown-up hand to joggle it like a snow globe. The problem is, said hand was occupied at the time.

With a lit cigarette.

Now, I don't think I got seriously hurt - I sure don't see any scar left over - but at that age I'd cry at a paper cut, so I let out an ear-scraping screech. Naturally, that drew attention from the entire room (unfortunately for me, my Very Important Question was completely forgotten, so I couldn't capitalize on the opportunity).

As my mom soothed me and worried over me, my relative of uncertain relationship frantically asked where I was hurt. And so, with tears in my eyes and a ferocious pout, I presented my reddened, stinging middle finger.

i am sick! and grumpy! and fully of mucus!!! and if anyone wants to buy me some ramen and/or tell me a story of humorously blundering childhood mishaps, that would be most pleasing indeed!

all right so here's the schedule of when dracula daily will be updated, as gleaned from the archives

please share this, it was a pain in the ass

The point of officially naming a pet is not to actually use that name but to have a baseline from which to come up with every conceivable nickname to call them instead.

Ends up with a hyperfixation on walls, because the dart missed the list entirely

picks a new hyperfixation by putting on a blindfold, spinning three times & throwing a dagger at a list pinned to a dartboard

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I’m trying to prove something.

So if I'm reading this right, the family consists of:

- King Dededad

- Zero vacation days Samus

- and Ness

I think this is my favorite post on the Internet right about now! Edit: And I just needed to Edit this Photo 4 TIMES till it worked here… #youarewelcome #tumblrnoob #learnhowtotumblr

The real reason millennials are obsessed with avocado toast

for a brief but not insignificant period of time in elementary school, i conflated the word ’avocado’ with ’bravado’. specifically this happened when i learned the term ‘false bravado’. in conclusion, 8-year-old me spent months vaguely assuming there existed a mass conspiracy surrounding the counterfeiting of avocados, and that this was somehow a huge problem the adult world was aware of and struggling to deal with.

open the sepulchral septum sepulcher with a speculum.

a citrine cistern full of cyanic cysts

Hmm...

Open the (dismal/gloomy/tomb-like) (thin wall/membrane dividing two cavities or spaces, specifically pertaining to the body) (tomb/grave/burial chamber) with a (medical tool for investigating body orifices. Types include rectal, vaginal, nasal, and oral)

A (golden yellow that may be brownish or orangeish, usually referencing a yellow quartz) (waterproof container for holding liquids, usually either rainwater or toilet water) full of (either blue, or containing the poisonous and flammable gas C²N²) (closed sac-like structures, noticeably different from surrounding cells, that may be filled with semisolid material, gaseous material, or liquid material)

...

Open the gloomy, membrane-covered chamber with a medical device used to view inside your openings.

An orangey-yellow receptacle for holding liquids full of sickly, poisonous flesh sacs

Oh.

... It looks like a pretty tongue twister, but I'm pretty sure it's graphically describing the medical examination of a person with bladder cancer.

you know what is such a nice word? sepulchral. it is just such a pleasing word to pronounce. very soft and smooth. 

You know, I've never really thought about Mother Goose poems in years (outside of references to such), but I'd be baffled and bewildered if someone told me they'd never heard Jack & Jill, or Little Miss Muffet, or Hey Diddle Diddle.

And now that I put this into words, it sounds silly. Of course there's people who haven't heard those rhymes, at minimum anyone who didn't speak English as a child. Now I want to know if other languages/cultures have something similar. Those silly childhood tales that hardly ever get thought of, but almost everyone has heard at least once when they were little.

Huh?

heh.

A mental image that's too good not to record:

A character wearing a mask, either for pandemic reasons or otherwise, who claims to be only mildly ill. They're coughing all day, but wave off any concerns with "just a bit of a cold" or "allergies, you know?". Except... Suddenly they double over with a major hacking fit. When they stand up, there are bloodstains on their mask.

you hear about recovery not being linear (”there are ups and downs”), but actually it’s more like a game of wack-a-mole. this is not a bad thing

you hear about recovery not being linear (”there are ups and downs”), but actually it’s more like a game of wack-a-mole. this is not a bad thing

I͙ͥ̈ͥ͑͑ ̰͎̺̝̏̽͂͛ȁ͍͍̱̓͆ͩ̈m̲ͤ̈ͫ ̮̗͓̤͗ͥ̌ṃ̦͎̦͈͙͆̓ͪͩ̎̊aͥ̐n͚͒ͥ̊ͧ̈́y͚̙̻̝̲͔̬͒́͗ͥ́̓͊

̼̞̜̣̗͔͆̃̒͋̑I͕̝̹̯̽̇ ͇͍͌ͬ̓̒a̠͉̜̮ͤ̈́̅͛ͮ͗̚ͅm̺̭͇͕̰̓̇͑̔̅͆ͤ ̳͚̞̰̣̓͂̿̿ͪr̋ͨ͗͒́̎͗a̦̜͕͇̠͋̒̂ͫͦͣ̈vͧ̊̇ͬͬ̉̚e͖̩̙̞̱̼̒͌̉̂̏ͨ̋n͓ͭͭͅͅo̘͚͕̿u͖̜͖̞ͪ̉̋s͕͉̦̝͇̝̗ͭ͗̎̈

̖̘̞̃̐I̝̜̝̬̪͙ͤ͛͒ͥ̊ͤͣ ̺͓̖̤͈̪̒̇̈́̉a̍̍̾̈ͪͤṃ̭͇̟̤ͥ̚ ̲̬͍͙̥̼̓͐g̮͎͉̮̐̇̔̀́̂̾ ̯͛̈̃e̲̪̦͚͍͔ͭ̃͗̾ͩ͆̅ͅ ͚̲͙̺͍̣̟ͮͨ̋̄̽̓̑l̥̟̹͈̣̩ ̠̱̍̄a͍̙͑ ́̅̏ͯͩtͣ̅̈ͥͩ̔ ͈̿ͧ̽ͧ̅ͧi͗̅̈̔̊̿̓ ̩̹͕̳̓ͭṇ̖̟̻͔̽ͫ̄ͨ̿

New reblog game: run your url through the neural blender and post it

I need this story like I need air.

Actually, I want to see this, but with a toddler or elementary school-aged demon trying its damnedest (pun intended) to act like a real, grown-up Corruptor of Souls, just like Mommy! Bonus points if at least one summoner is genuinely fooled.

in an attempt to summon an "ancient demon," the summoners neglect to account for the fact that demons age at a different rate than humans. hence, they end up accidentally kidnapping a baby

You're thinking too small. Among Us, the hit new animated series! All the gorn of Happy Tree Friends but with even more merchandising opportunities! Collect all 16 Among Us action figures™

super looking forward to the Among Us movie adaptation