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Latest Posts by khaasi - Page 2
You have something that belongs to me.
The world was shaking within a void of Glowing Green as the Justice League was listening on what John was explaining that the Infinite King that supposedly is a Protector has been gone off the rails in straight panic for the past 4 months straight because something very life or very death Important was taken from him and he been on a rampaging hunt throughout the multiverses, literally tearing and reforming them as he went, as John described the tip from Deadman.
Unfortunately, what was important to the Infinite King is on this earth. John immediately cut off Bruce as trying to fight him all together even with Superman that Infinite King would easily squish Superman like a mosquito with only just a tiny breath.
Just let the Infinite King find what he is looking for and pray that it is safely unharmed so we may survive afterward.
That was 3 hours ago after Batman went back to gotham, as Batman stared in horror of a larger then Life elderitch being had both of his arms deep in Jason's chest.
"You have something that belongs to me." The Infinite King hissed.
Just hearing the hitched Gasp in Jason's voice was reeling in the terrible flashback of that night that triggered his fight instinct, only for the very shadows seemingly holding him back by literally force.
Only for the Infinite King to pull out a tiny lararus Pit coated goopey naked 4 year old girl sobbing out daddy with her arms stretched out, doing tiny gimme hands toward the king.
"Oh Ellen..."
Jason's body was seemingly unharmed, beside the raspy breathing that was slowly developing into a hyperventilating hysteria after being chased like a hunted rabbit from a savage starving wolf for three hours straight by this elderitch being in Crime Ally.
The Large humaniod Elderitch being with several glowing green eyes that was a nightmare fuel, mixes together with stars, galaxies, and secrets untold slowly shrank more and more becoming more human in a gruesome fascinating way that would Haunt Bruce's nightmares for years to come.
the Infinite King was now a Teenager with glowing white hair defying gravity, tanned star coated skin, large teaey icy blue eyes in a black winter suit with a DP symbol delicate, holding the whimpering little goopey girl close to his chest, covering her with a star covered cape now blanket as he kissed her forehead looking at Jason.
"Jason Peter Todd, I am sincerely thank you for letting my daughter possess your core after she accidentally went off on her own and accidentally dipped into the deep end up Tainted Ecto portals. Your core will be healing in a few months after Ellen had kept using yours to save her own destabilizing."
"I must go now before she began to destabilize more, but here is my contact ritual." The infinite King disappeared into a clearer glowing green lararus Pit portal after a good bow, leaving behind a note on Jason's lap.
The coms were suddenly back on as Tim's voice could be heard.
"So the reason why Jason was all Trigger gun happy was cause he was accidentally pregnant with the infinite king's daughter?"
The general rule for courting a royal ghost like Pariah Dark is going at them and beating them. Just, beating the absolute shit out of them.
While Danny's fight with him was heavily assisted with the help of other ghosts, and he'd needed to use a suit, he had still been the primary fighter in that fight.
This puts Pariah Dark in a...very odd position after he gets out of the Foreversleep again.
Because this is a baby ghost. This is a child.
Officially, for all intents and purposes, Phantom is engaged to Pariah Dark. He has permission to utilize Pariah Dark's lair, command his servants, use the Ring of Rage or the Crown of Fire, and essentially act on Pariah's behalf when Pariah is out of commission.
Phantom. A child ghost in both form and age.
Pariah may be many things, but a cradlerobber is not one of them.
However, in ghost culture, if he were to turn Phantom away that would be a huge mark of disrespect towards Phantom, his lair, and his Fraid. Phantom would be marked as a target for other powerful ghosts to hunt down, and his Fraid would be hunted for sport, all for the crime of just being a child that was unfamiliar with their customs.
Sure, ghosts are already hunting Phantom for sport, but Pariah Dark does not want turning Phantom away to add to it; the boy's Fraid has remained relatively safe so far. He doesn't want a child ghost to be beaten into his core or that child's Fraid to be shattered because that child ghost happened to be, legally, a runaway child bride. Which is...a whole other disgusting thing and title he refuses to let any child have branded on them courtesy of him, Pariah Dark.
So he changes the rules.
He's Pariah fucking Dark, what, like he can't? Who's gonna stop him?
He decrees that defeating a royal doesn't mean earning a place as their spouse, but instead earns a place in their Fraid.
He decrees Phantom his son. As Phantom is now his son, that means that the Fentons are his kin by extension, and Amity Park/all of Earth a haunt that belongs to his own kin.
So he begrudgingly extends protection over all of it, as well as actually starts doing boring meetings and shit because his new son has, apparently, made a lot of powerful friends in the Zone, and he doesn't want to show discord to the outsiders.
So he'll respect his new son's contacts and alliances.
For now.
But news travels slowly, and Justice League Dark doesn't hear the addendum when they research new hero Phantom.
They find text regarding the old rules.
Just after they've found text essentially confirming that sightings of Phantom in the past were the result of time travel, just after Phantom himself slipped up and said he'd only been dead one year.
To say Diana of Themyscira is furious is an understatement.
She's ready to start a war.
For those who do not know, Wonder Woman is a member of Justice League Dark in it's current member list.
It’s always “evil Superman!!!!” this, or “villain justice league!!!” that.
I want an AU of villain! Bruce who’s absolutely dog-shit at being evil.
Firstly: The worst thing he can think of doing is not donating to animal shelters or charities . immediately feels so guilty he throws up.
Secondly: The second a child cries because of him, he’d freeze up. Stand like a statue, unmoving and petrified. No more evil, but just today.
He ends up helping the city by accident more often than not, and to his immortal disappointment, Gotham loves both the Bat and Bruce Wayne.
“alfred come look at my evil plan”
“Yes, sir, “ Alfred is very indulgent. He does his best to pretend it’s actually good. “ ‘Don’t say please to the barista’. Getting bold, are we?”
EVERYTIME He and Clark meet and Bruce monologues about pulverizing him to dust, Clark (and the League) looks at him like this:
“I can make him worse,” GOOD FOR YOU!!! Clark can make him into his malewife and adopt his 7 evil sidekicks who actually know how to villain. Especially the little one.
I love the idea of Dick being all the Batkid's favourite sibling but in violently different fonts.
Jason: Dick and Jay canonically have a pretty solid relationship but i'm partial to the Jason was around for Dick's rebellion stage and so Dick doesn't think he has to worry about the pedestal thing bc Jason has absolutely seen him violently hungover before he was legally allowed to drink font of this
So by the time Jason comes back and is no longer trying to murder Tim (except psychologically) Dick decides... Well he's evil sometimes but also I can finally tell someone all the Titans drama. So him and Jason meet up like once month if they're in the same city and get progressively drunker while shit talking their teams and Bruce.
Also I hate the Dick and Robin!Jason didn't get along. They absolutely did, Dick was like 0.5 seconds away from taking Jason to live with the titans permanently.
Tim: 'Oh Jason is Tims Robin, Oh Dick betrayed Tims trust.' in the name of the orange dude y'all elected twice W R O N G. Tim Drake used to watch VHS tapes of the flying Graysons routine. He wasn't even a batman Stan first. That came after he saw Robin do a quadruple summersault. Tim is a Dick Grayson fanboy first Person second. Like Tim canonically saw Jason die and went lmao skill issue, imagine not being like Dick Grayson i'm better. When Dick first started training him, he'd consistently excuse himself go to the other room, hyperventilate over Dick Grayson teaching him how to train surf. Dick is not just his idol he's also a pretty substantial part of Tim's support system. He calls Dick when he's going through something or is stuck on a case. And he knows that Dick will always have his back. They have like the unrealistic adorable sibling relationships from Tv that don't exist irl. Tim also does that awkward shuffle thing after fights bc they're still siblings and Dick just pretends the fight didn't happen until Tims calm again
Damian: You have to understand Damian thought he'd have to basically do the league all over again. He lands with Bruce and those ideas are soundly rejected and he now has no trust or respect and he has to adjust. And Bruce is doing his holier than thou, you should know better 10yro who literally was brainwashed as a child act, like Tim didn't have to pull him away from straight up becoming a villain and Dick didn't have to put him in his place with his fists a couple times a year (we love Bruce really). Then Bruce gets Time-streamed, Tim runs away and now the circus freak is BATMAN. Except the circus freak is also a sadistic bastard to criminals, despite being made out of marshmallows to you. Dick hangs people upside down off high buildings for information and cackles as Nightwing. He also listens to Damians worries and helps him deconstruct his bias view of the world. Dick canonically set the standard for child heroes and is among one of the most beloved and trusted heroes despite being marshmallowy and refusing to murder people. Dick is kinda like Damians stand in non pretentious moral compass until he learns his own one later on. Hence why Damian adores Dick Grayson more than anyone really.
in summary support my agenda that Dick and Jason are gossipy drinking buddies, Tim absolutely had a Dick Grayson Shrine as a child and Damian calls Dick to double check that he still cannot kill Timothy (its now entirely a joke.... mostly)
Dick fakes a polite charming laugh that all the Batkids have gotten wise to, and they consider it major bragging rights to be able to trip up Dick's façade and get him to break into a bone-chilling hyena cackle, particularly in front of rogues.
Everyone knows Batman using Brucie Wayne’s voice while in the cowl, I give you Brucie Wayne using the Batman voice.
Brucie Wayne, wearing a half open very elaborate expensive tailored suit suddenly going ‘Step away from the fountain’ in the deepest voice anyone has ever heard in the entire world and his kids immediately drop what they’re doing and jump away so fast it’s almost comical and the girl and guy in Brucie’s lap just look at him in bafflement and the entire Gala falls quiet. Then Brucie goes ‘ohhh emmmmm ggggggg! Why’d everyone stopped tawwlking!!!” And they continue on like nothing happened but it goes down in history.
Okay, but, realistically speaking, Bruce Wayne has got to have a low alcohol tolerance. He’s a lightweight.
Like, think about it—this man rarely drinks. Most of his “drunken” shenanigans are done stone cold sober on account of the Mission, and all. If you get more than two glasses of wine in him he is fucking gone.
Which is part of what makes family dinners at the Manor so entertaining. Assuming that such events are one of the rare times Bruce truly relaxes, it’s not a stretch to think he might indulge in a glass of wine or a bourbon; and this is fine and all… until the Batkids persuade him to have another round with them or, God forbid, do a celebratory shot.
After that? Bruce is wiped.
His kids think it’s hilarious. Drunk Bruce is a trip. He’ll drop insane Dad Lore about his time in the League or a wild JL space mission or something, but then proceed to list in meticulous, clinical detail all the things that annoy him about Hal Jordan, and then all the sudden get super excited and start detailing his latest Superman Contingency Plan using the salt shakers in the dining room table. He switches moods and topics so quickly that his kids would get whiplash if they weren’t laughing their asses off.
And you know the +1, singular, solitary, time that Bruce got drunk in front of Clark will go down in history as the best day of Clark’s life. Bruce spent the entire time baring his soul, praising his children, and describing his world travels… but he also kept getting distracted by Clark’s abs and called him “sexy” no less then fourteen times. (Clark left that bar wheezing with laughter and had to disentangle himself from Bruce and force him into a taxi because Bruce kept trying to make out with him. It was fantastic.)
Another Clone Danny au, but the twist is he's basically reincarnated. CW shoved his core into a soulless LoA Damian clone to keep the halfa from completely dying after his original human body was destroyed in his og dimension. Danny is currently mute, too. Be warned, this is long. Might make a part 2
Danny had become completely aware in his new body after about a month of barely processing what is happening. The trauma of everything that's gone wrong in his life putting him in a disassociative state while his body's creators train and test him for something. It takes a while for him to realize he's not their first clone, but is the first to not be a soulless husk. These people talk too freely around him, but rarely each other, confident in his inability to understand anything outside of orders. So he decides to play along, learning about this hell hole and what little of the outside world he can. He takes the latter with a grain of salt, he can smell how delusional his creators are.
"Hmm, something is defective with this clone." A tall, beautiful woman says while glaring at Danny's eyes, "Damian's eyes are Juniper. This thing's eyes have been fading to a bluer colour every time I see it. Someone has made a mistake.... no matter. Beloved and my son shouldn't notice it's eyes are pine if we send it now. It is ready?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good. Give it its instructions and get it out of my sight."
And this is how Danny learns he's been made to attempt to kill his template or die trying. He gets the full feeling that they expect him to die, like the, apparently, dozen before him. (He hides his amusement when realizing he can truly relate to Dani now.) Too bad for his creators, he's not like the rest and fully intends to not do any murder once he's out of this godforsaken lab.
Keeping himself from reacting gets a whole lot harder when he realizes they intend to put him in a crate to ship him to some place called Gotham, but he stays as blank and relaxed as possible. It's only once they unload him, inform him of his Template's whereabouts, and ditch him in the middle of what he assumes is Gotham, does he finally grimace and shake off the shitty shell persona he had going on. As he stretches out his limbs and thinks on how he wants to play this, he takes in how absolutely drenched in the smell of death the city is. It reminds him enough of Amity that he knows his ghost half would never go hungry here, but what to do with his human half? He wonders if his Template and his father would care for another sibling. He caught the tall lady and her father saying insulting things about how many strays, he assumes kids, his Template's father adopts, it's usually over how pissed they are that his Template isn't treated like God's gift for simply being blood related.
So with a bit of hesitant hope, Danny heads towards where he was told his Template was. He's hit with a wave of weariness when he finds a kid of the same colouring as him decked out in a hero costume and arguing with a giant man dressed as a.. bat? Danny has no idea what he's looking at and is a little scared of how aggressive his Template is. Aggression means he's probably going to have to at least dodge a lot.
Danny's awful luck strikes again when before he can even decide on how exactly he's going to approach this, he hears a light crunch that has him bolting several feet in the opposite direction before he whips around and into a defensive fighting stance.
"Shit, sorry, BB." A blonde woman dressed in a purple hero costume says to a small figure that looks like a creepier verson of the bat dude. Purple is standing where the crunching sound came from, and scarily, "BB" is almost exactly where Danny had been. "Shit. He looks like Demon Brat.."
"Calm.." "BB"'s voice is soft and feminine, and she(?) seems to be trying to project "we're not going to hurt you" and "let me near" with body language alone. Which Danny finds impressive but doesn't trust, Purple is too tense and is too ready to attack. So when his Template and his father climb onto the roof, apparently seeing a commotion, and they too look ready to fight, Danny just bolts. He's not dumb enough to test if he can fight 4 unknown trained fighters. He can see why all his predecessors instantly died if they just automatically started fighting and trying to kill people.
The fact he ran seems to surprise them and gives him a few seconds headstart. He ducks and weaves, avoiding everything they throw at him to the best of his ability without tapping into his ghost half. He REALLY doesn't want to out himself as a freak just yet.
"Kid! Get back here! I'm sorry for scaring you!" Purple yells, slightly out of breath and somewhere behind him to the left.
"I demand you stop running!" His Template sounds pissed and directly behind him, so Danny quickly rolls to his right, dodging a tackle. Which apparently BB was ready for, because she's right there and grabs ahold of him, taking them both to the ground. He's scared, trying not to hurt her, and absolutely stuck in her hold without his powers. He lets out an inhuman whine as he struggles. He hasn't spoken a single word in this body yet, he doesn't know if it has the ability yet, and something he hadn't realized would complicate this situation in the way it has.
"Safe" BB tries to soothe, but Danny can't be soothed, not when he can see and sense the rest of his pursuers closing in on them. BB seems to realize this and snaps at her people in annoyance. "Back!"
Danny flinches and trembles in her hold, not knowing if they'll ignore her and ... he's not sure what, but do something to him. But to his endless surprise, they listen and back up several feet. Close enough to help her if she needs it, but far enough Danny relaxes a fraction. It's not a lot, but it's enough to get his anxiety down to a more manageable level. And even though he thought she'd start questioning him now, she simply waits. He's still confused and scared, but slowly relaxes in her hold, an odd sort of trust forming against his will at her calm and "Please trust I won't hurt you" vibe she's yeeting at him.
"Safe." She says and releases her hold just enough to free one of her arms. She gently runs the hand through his hair and rubs his forehead and cheeks, just softly petting him. It's a gentle affection that reminds him of Jazz. He can't remember the last time he was touched kindly, and it's enough to make him tear up. She wipes away any tears that escape. "Safe."
Once he finally stops trembling and he's emotionally spent, she finally fully releases her hold and moves to sit by him so he can sit up. He feels so awkward when he realizes his Template's father and Purple are staring him down while his Template looks like he's trying to pretend to not be interested, but is glancing over too frequently to be believable.
Danny takes a shakey breath and gives a little wave, unconsciously trying to lean towards BB when he sees their body language all sharpen and focus harder on him.
"Who are you?" Bat dude demands, and Danny can see the resemblance between him and his Template, even while he's panicking to figure out how to communicate without his voice. He ends up pointing at his Template with a nervous energy. "Are you a clone?"
Danny is so relieved at the yes or no question, he almost forgets to be nervous about frantically nodding yes. Almost.
"Can you talk?" Purple asks next and he's trembling again as he gives a hesitant no. "Yes or no questions it is!"
He nearly jumps out of his skin when BB starts rubbing his shoulder in a soothing manage. He tries to subtly self-sooth by rubbing his thumb along the middle phalanx of the pointer finger on the hand hidden between him and BB. It's the first time he's done it while not completely alone. He's not sure what the LoA would have done if they'd seen, but he can't imagine it going well for him. He stops self-soothing at the thought. BB's vibes turn very sad next.
"Based on your outfit, the League of Assassins sent you, yes?" His Template growls menacingly at him and Danny winces for the guy's poor teeth the way he grides them at Danny's nod. "To kill me?"
Danny wants to bolt again, but BB is already pulling him into a hug, trapping him. The spike in anger at his nod sends him into a panic, but BB's hold is inescapable, so he ends up "hiding" in her arms. He curls up as small as he can while pressing his face into the front of her shoulder. He feels like a scared little kid.
"Geeze, kid..." Purple sounds sad.
"All of the LoA clones have been nothing but mindless shells. Why are you so different?" His Template doesn't actually sound like he's talking to Danny, but even if he was, Danny literally can't answer that with some sort of aid. Though, Danny doesn't trust these people enough to explain even if he could. "Father. I believe we should take him to the batcave."
Danny tucks himself deeper into BB. She's petting his hair and back the way you would a cat. "Safe."
"One more question." Bat dude says. "Are you planning on going through with your orders?"
Danny can feel BB get defensive on his behalf, even as Danny pulls away to look Bat dude in the face as he frantically shakes his head no.
"Honest. New brother?" Something seems to change in them when BB says this. Amusement and resignation are as easy to read as their weariness. He can't blame them. He's far from their first LoA clone, just the first to not be a mindless murder machine.
"Hn."
"Tt. Really, father?"
"Hn."
"Tt!" Danny blinks in fascination at the weird monosyllable conversation between his Template and his father. BB gets up before pulling Danny to his feet. She keeps a loose hand on his wrist, probably in case he tries to bolt again, but it's still nice. It does get awkward when she keeps her hold as they climb off the roof, and Danny needs a little help getting down with only one hand.
He tucks himself half behind BB when Purple decides to ask him a random assortment of questions while they wait for something called "the batmoble". He's a bit intimidated by her energy, it's so much like his parents'.
'Do you have a favourite food?' No. He hasn't actually eaten food yet in this body, just iv-ed nutrients. 'Favourite animal?' No. He doesn't know this dimension's animals. 'Flowers? Or plant?"No. Same problem. 'Are you hurt in any way?' Shrug. He's a little scratched and bruised, but it's not even in the top hundred of hurt he's been through. He's actually pretty happy this body doesn't have all his scars, his ghost half will have them, but his new human half is basically a blank canvas, and it's a glorious reprieve. 'Have you been anywhere besides the LoA and Gotham?" No. 'Did you at least stay somewhere nice in the LoA?' No? Does the lab count? It was a pretty nice lab all things considered.
Danny nearly jumps out of his skin when a black, sleek car shows up without a driver. He clings to BB when they climb in. He's nearly in her lap.
He can't help but wonder about how out of character he feels. He wonders if it's because this body is, at most, 2 months old, or if his time as only a ghost core kick started childish instincts, his ghost half IS only about a year old, or if the trauma of everything that happened caused a mental regression. He vaguely remembers Jazz talking about age regression as a coping mechanism, not enough to understand if that's what's happening right now, but it sort of feels like it. At least BB doesn't seem to mind having an overgrown toddler using her like a security blanket.
The drive is pretty smooth considering the speed bat dude is driving. Danny looks around "the batcave" in wonder when they pile out.
"Who's that?" A cheerful man in black and blue bounces over. Danny hides behind BB again and wishes he knew literally anybody's name. Currently, he just knows his Template's non-hero identity as Damian Al Gul. BB's hero identity of BB definitely means something, but all he has is what Purple called her.
"New brother!" BB chirps. Blue guy thankfully stops a few feet away while a tired guy about Purple's age wonders up.
"Why does he look like Demon Brat?" Tired guy sounds grumpy and on edge.
"The LoA apparently made a new clone of me. This one seems defective. Simply trying to run away and escape when Black Bat and Spoiler spotted him watching father and I." The new people tense, and Danny fully ducks behind BB, while Damian continues, "He did not throw a single punch and showed true panic at being caught. As you can see, he's been glued to Cassandra's side since she calmed him down."
"Likelihood of this one trying to kill me?" Tired guy asks. "I'm tired of new siblings trying to kill me."
"Unlikely. Kid ran like a scared deer the whole time we were chasing him." Purple, no, Spoiler? reasures tired guy.
"Well, if you weren't so stabbable." There's a teasing tilt to his Template's voice. Danny kind of wants to know what THAT means, so he peeks curiously at them. Tired guy just looks more tired when their eyes meet.
"Damian and Jason both tried to kill me, multiple times." Tired guy explains with a tone that'd be more fitting for a conversation about a sibling stealing a favoured toy in the past, not admitted homicide attempts on one's life. Danny's eyes dart at blue guy and Damian, wondering if they'll try to kill him too. Tired guy frowns before asking, "Do you actually know who any of us are?"
There's a whole lot of squawking when Danny shakes his head no and just points to Damian. Damian is complaining about how little sense it makes to only tell Danny a kill order. Spoiler is embarrassed and complaining about not realizing. Bat dude is giving off embarrassed vibes, even if literally nothing changed in his stance or face. Blue guy, tired guy, and Cassandra all seem very amused, but blue guy is also stressed and tired guy is just resigned.
"Okay, so introductions. I'm Timothy Drake-Wayne, just call me Tim or Drake. My vigilante name is Red Robin." Tired guy says before pointing to each of the other people. "Stephanie Brown is Spoiler, call her Steph. Dick Grayson is Nightwing. Cassandra Caine is Black Bat, call her Cass. Bruce Wayne is Batman. Dam-"
"I am Damian Al Gul Wayne. I am the current Robin and the only blood son of Batman." Danny's Template cuts off Tim.
"Can't say you're the only blood son if we keep the clone," Tim teases and gets a knife thrown at him for it. He easily dodges it and continues talking to Danny. "There's also Jason Todd, who's not here right now. He's Red Hood. Barbara Gordon is our eye in the sky, better known as Oracle. Duke Thomas is Signal, he's our Day shift so he's asleep upstairs currently. And Alfred Pennyworth is the real head of the house and pseudo grandfather, even if he says he's just the family butler. There's more, but they're who you'll most like to interact with anytime soon."
Danny must look as overwhelmed as he feels because Dick(? Why is he named that?) steps closer, hands where Danny can see them. "You okay, little buddy? Do you have a name or something you want us to call you?"
Danny gives Damian, Steph, and Mr. Wayne a panicked look. Steph comes to his rescue.
"He can't speak. We're unsure why he can't, but he hasn't even tried to say anything. Only made a whining noise when Cass pinned him. We'd think it was another Cass situation, but he can understand everything we say."
"Oh.. Maybe he just never learned?" Dick wonders aloud before asking Danny, "About how old are you?"
Danny points to Damian. He's pretty sure his body is the same age as his Template's, who is about as old as Danny's human existence. Unlike Dani, who was made slightly younger than Danny in body, but is currently only a year old in spirit.
"No, I mean, how long have you been alive?" Dick corrects gently. Danny blinks and figures the correct answer is how long his clone body has been alive. He can explain later when he can communicate better, if he feels safe enough to do so. He holds up 2 fingers. "2 years?"
There's grimaces when he shakes his head.
"2 months?" Danny cautious nods and startles when Steph gasps loudly.
"A Baby!" Danny pouts at that, but can't exactly refute it. He does move so Cass is more between them.
Cass unexpectedly decides to remove her creepy mask, making Danny stare in wide-eyed surprise at her short dark hair.
"Oh! The baby hasn't seen our faces yet!" Steph is delighted and pulls her own mask down. The rest of the group unmask, minus Tim, who's already in civilian clothes. Danny looks at them before circling Cass so he can see her. She's very pretty, some sort of Asian, and giving off happy and calm vibes. It reminds him a little of Jazz when they could just exist, no parents, school, or ghosts to worry about. It's nice. He likes that his new big sister has that peacefulness.
"You see?" Cass smiles and clarifies, "Language of body?"
Danny brightly nods. He had to learn to read body language or die the rest of the way. It wasn't a failure to read it that nearly got him killed.
"I'll teach you to read it even better and to hide your own." Danny is startled by Cass speaking a full sentence before he excitedly indicates he wants to show her something. He can see how absolutely horrified they all get when he slams his body language into the soulless husk both labs of horror he got stuck in wanted. He turns lifelessly to each person, taking in their reacts to it, only breaking character only when he turns back to Cass. He beams excitedly at her, wanting her opinion. "That was very good. Almost no one would be able to tell."
"I can see how the LoA wouldn't know you weren't like the others if you just behaved like that the whole time." Tim hums, seemingly more fascinated than horrified, unlike the rest. They look ready to jump him, so he goes back to hiding behind Cass, deciding right now that he's staying with Tim and/or Cass, until he either runs away or they're all more comfortable with each other.
"Be nice." He can hear the scowl she's giving everyone, but Tim. Tim edges closer with a fancy piece of technically that Danny's never seen before. It almost looks like a clipboard at first glance, but is clearly a sci-fi computer thingy. Danny noticed technology is far more advanced in this dimension, but hasn't had a chance to figure it out.
"Do you know how to work an ipad?" Tim doesn't give him a judgmental look when he shakes his head, just steps closer with clear intent to teach. "Okay, I'll show you. You can read, correct?"
Danny nods and cautiously steps towards Tim so he can see the device better. The others start to wonder off and change into civilian clothes while Tim gives him a crash course on everything Danny can do on this iPad. He does explain there's basically a child lock on it to keep Danny from accidentally going on an unsafe website. It's more for his safety as he learns. Danny accepts that reason, despite knowing that's definitely not the only one, because the other reasons don't matter. He's probably only going to be using it to look up everything he doesn't understand in this dimension and communicating with whoever is in front of him, at least for now. He feels a lot like a toddler with how out of his depth he is, which is honestly a good thing right now. Really sells the "I'm a harmless baby, protect me!" thing he has going on.
"Now that you can answer." Tim smiles a little, "Is there any you want to be called? It's okay if there isn't just yet. Finding your name can be difficult."
[Danny] Danny excitedly shows Tim.
"Danny? Not what I was expecting, but it suits you." Tim's easy acceptance is wonderful, too bad his Template ruins the moment.
"Absolutely not. You need a proper name. How about Daniel? Or maybe the arabic version? Danyal?" Danny throws his most disgusted face he can pull.
"That's a no." Tim sounds like he's barely concealing laughter.
"He needs a proper name. How about Dante?"
[It's better than Daniel, but I still don't like it.]
"How about we come back to this later? We can look up names that Danny can be a nickname for and he can pick from those once he's settled in." Tim basically orders when Damian opens his mouth. "Danny should shower. I'll grab him som-"
Danny grabs his sleeve. Cass isn't here, so Tim is his current security person. He doesn't feel safe with his Template yet.
"Nevermind, I'll get him showered. Could you grab him some clothes?" Tim adjusts to the quiet demand easily, glancing to Danny to ask. "Any idea of preference?"
Danny glances at the stiff outfit he's currently in before writing [Comfy?]
Tim nods and tells Damian, "You should snag one of Dick's hoodies and one of my fluffy pj pants. Alfred probably has some unused underwear somewhere with how many times a guest needed some."
Damian doesn't look pleased, but seems to follow Tim's lead. He does quizzically eye Danny one last time before he leaves. Tim gently leads Danny to what looks like a locker room. No one else is currently in there.
"I know he seems abrasive, but that was his version of trying to bond." Tim explains, "He's trying his best. Just say something if it's too much."
Danny nods and strips. Uncaring of Tim looking at him as he hops in the shower, he only seems to be checking for injuries, then he only glances over every once in a while to make sure "the baby" is cleaning himself properly and doesn't need help. He doesn't get any creepy vibes from the man. He's awfully familiar with the vibes to look out for since some of the scientists would bad touch him, claiming it's for science. It wasn't. Needless to say, being a labrat kind of murders shyness over being naked in cold blood.
Damian shows up with the clothes Tim requested when Danny is drying off. Danny makes sure to scribble a [Thank you!] and show it to him before taking the clothes.
"You are welcome."
"Alfred will be happy his newest grandchild comes with manners pre-installed." Tim jokes, and adds at Danny's curious glance. "The rest of us were feral. You'd think that I'd be an exception since I'm from high society, but I literally blackmailed my way into being Robin and then made a fake uncle to keep myself from being adopted."
Danny gives Tim an alarmed look, and Damian looks curious.
"Okay, so I used to stalk Batman and Robin every night because I lacked adult supervision. I was just taking pictures because I was a huge fan and had figured out who they were when I was 9. Then when I was 12, Jason died for a little bit." This makes Danny more alarmed, so Tim quickly adds. "He's alive and as well as he can be now, but he was Robin at the time, and Bruce, Bruce was devastated. He was taking it out on everyone. Purse snatchers were ending up in the ICU. So I first tried to get Dick to come back to Gotham, when they didn't work, I showed up on the doorstep with photographic evidence I knew everything and demanded I be Robin to keep him safe. I.. It was a rough time. He hated me with every fiber of his being for a while, but I couldn't let Batman die. We were partners, but not family by any stretch of the word. Then.. my parents died and I couldn't let him adopt me. I wasn't his son. I hadn't had an adult keeping track of me in years, hell, B barely tracked me as Robin, thinking it would make me stop. Jokes on him, I'm too stubborn."
"That's unfortunately true." Damian sounds exasperated.
"I hired an actor to pretend to be my fake uncle to keep Bruce from questioning my living situation. Clearly, that didn't last." Tim chuckles, "Steph compared me to a feral cat a lot during that time."
Danny has to pull up his (Dick's?) sleeves to use the iPad. [Are all of your lives so weird?]
"Unfortunately." Damian sighs, "Every single one of us has a different tale of how we came to be with Father."
"Kid, you're a defective clone that just escaped from a cult of assassins and are actively being adopted by the family of your target." Tim teases. "You fit in perfectly."
Danny flusters at that, but has nothing to say against it.
"I apologize if this is a sensitive issue, but I have to ask." Damian does look sorry. "Why don't you talk? I know a few of the Clones were instructed in the past to say things, so I was wondering why you can't."
[Never talked before. Don't know how to. Wasn't taught before mission. Tall lady didn't like my eyes and wanted me gone.]
"Tall lady? Probably Talia. But she didn't like your eyes? Why?" Tim tilts his head.
[Wrong color. Fading slowly to bluer color. Wasn't perfect copy anymore and getting less perfect by the day. Needed to die faster.]
"She wanted you to die because your eye colour?" Tim and Damian look shocked as Danny nods.
[Imperfections die. Barely good enough to be sent out instead of killed in lab.] Danny lays it on thick, but it wasn't untrue. He ended up seeing other "Imperfect" clones be terminated near the end of his stay.
"Well... actually, what colour do you think they'll end up? Now that I'm paying attention, I can see the difference. You think it's a result of whatever made you different?" Tim seems excited by the idea. Damian just looks thoughtful.
[Unsure. Changed from Damian's color to current in a month. Tall lady was very unhappy by it. Don't know why change happened.]
Danny suddenly yawns. He didn't get much sleep in the crate. Too scared to.
"Alright. We can talk more after you get some sleep."
"Alfred told me to tell you you're cut off from caffeine until you sleep a minimum of 6 hours, Drake." Damian looks a little too amused by Tim's despair over that news, before turning to Danny. "Your new room is next to Cassandra's. She apparently requested it while we were otherwise engaged."
Danny is delighted by the news, hugging his iPad to his chest. Tim and Damian lead him to his new room, pointing out things and whose room is who's while they walk. Danny's dazed look and slowly making a list of things to look up really sells his new role. He's also scared to even breathe on anything. Everything is so fancy.
"Getting you your own clothes and room decor will have to wait until tomorrow." Damian informs him apologetically before the brothers bid him goodnight. And Danny doesn't know what to do with that. He doesn't feel safe in this too nice room. So he grabs one of the pillows and the thin extra blanket at the foot of the bed before cramming himself under the bed. He curls up in a ball under the head, the end tables blocking the sides, making him feel safer.
He wakes the first day to Cass laying on the floor nearby, but not under the bed. It's a very weird day for him, but Tim, Cass, and his Template are very helpful and mostly non judgemental to the mess he is. He does find a moment to naturally "discover" his obsession with space. Thankfully, it turns out this dimensions space is so different that he doesn't have to pretend to be clueless. Everything is so different and Danny kind of loves it. He's gifted so much space themed shit and books on space and alien culture throughout the week, he has to fight to keep from glowing in his excitement. He knows they noticed, but let him pretend to be normal for a bit. It's harder to hide his inhumanity in this body, but he does his best.
Headcanon that Jason hated taking pills as a kid, partially due to trauma from being on the streets, but mostly because he's like 10 and they're just yucky
But he's also a kid with ✨️allergies✨️
And Bruce has tried everything. Bribing, begging, being stern, bargaining, everything.
But one day he gets the brilliant idea to hide the pill in a snack and give it to him then, and what do you know, it fucking works
And that's just how he continues to sneak allergy pills into Jason's system
Until Dick catches him and can't stop laughing because, "That's how you give dogs medicine."
And Bruce is mortified at the realization that he's been treating his son like a dog.. But like, it works, regardless, and it's the only thing that works
Years and a pit later, Jason's an adult and his allergies are acting up again so he asks Bruce if he has any allergy meds, and out of pure muscle memory, Bruce reaches for the snack cabinet before he stops and remembers that Jason's an adult now, so he just grabs the medicine bottle and tosses it to him
And that's when it finally clicks for Jason that everytime Bruce gave him a 'random treat,' as a child, it was deception
And he's never felt more betrayed
A fun little headcannon is that everyone believes Jason to prefer paperback and physical paper but he honestly doesn't care. Maybe it stems from his Robin days reading for hours in the manor library. Or how'd he always tell Bruce to write down the details of the case to solve it faster. Or even that they needed to have physical copies of each file in case the Batcomputer got hacked. It just stuck with Bruce and by extension everyone believes it.
But like he would totally love an eReader with how many books you can fit on it. Audio books are even better because he can listen to them anywhere. The man likes the stories people have to tell. How he consumes it isn't a concern. But of course he has a flare for dramatics so he plays into this misconception.
Steph: Jason, I know you'd prefer a physical book but I got a Kindle that you could use more than me.
Jason who already owns the newest model takes it and chucks it at the floor: Disgusting.
Tim at the Batcomputer: Why do we need to write up a report for Condiment King of all people. Its the third one this month!
Jason: Back in my day we would hand write each and every report.
Dick: No we didn't???
Jason magically pulling out a file cabinet with said case files.
Jason: Honestly we should start doing that again let me go ask Bruce.
Bruce: Honestly if you'd wait five more minutes someone would have come in as backup. You don't need to do everything on your own Hood.
Jason completely ignoring him because he's got books downloaded on his helmet.
Damian next to him knowing what Jason is up to because he did the exact same thing with Ra's.
YES, YES!
i think Jason loves paperback when it is his already favourite books, the ones he knows he loves and wants to annotate and explore — otherwise, he prefers to try books in e-version first. or borrow books from the library if he is in the mood. he strikes me as someone who loves supporting local libraries! plus, listens audio-books on missions and during work-outs, yep, yep.
do other family members have a wrong opinion in that in their minds because Bruce is the "heard my kid mentioning something once, now i think their whole personality evolves around this thing" type of parent sometimes? oh, fucking absolutely. does Jason love to play on the stereotype of "boomer" sibling? yeah— lol.
also, he is a type of kid who would remind the teacher about homework (i think he genuinely cared about this as a kid and didn't understand why everyone got mad, but now he knows WHY, and he will do it EVERYONE'S problem) and combined with him, writing reports on papers, i raise you this:
Bruce, tired by the end of the patrol: Had we discussed everything? Hadn't I forgotten something?
literally everyone but Jason, quickly: no, no, we are fine. ha-ha.
Jason, appearing behind them: well. actually. we all now should write our reports.
Bruce: oh, right.
Jason, smirking: here is mine, by the way. i wrote it while you are all was bickering.
Bruce: so competent! thank you, lad.
Other kids, fuming: -_-
also, the image of Jason blasting audio-books through his helmet is frying me. so, get this:
Dick: Jason is so suspiciously calm for the last few days! like, seriously. proud of him.
Tim: right? it is actually hilarious. Bruce was screaming at him yesterday, and Jason was just staring at him silently, no word, no remark... he was so quiet that Bruce instantly felt bad and apologised. like. master-tecnique. lol.
Jason, who was listening to audio-book all this time, and didn't even hear what Bruce said, just nodded when he started randomly hugging him and murmuring "my baby": whatever.
Adopt a Bat Dad
AKA "Danny becomes de-aged in Gotham and finds the only person he knows who can probably help. Bruce Wayne, the Batman. Except Bruce thinks Danny is a kid mistaking him for his dad??" prompt idea!!
HC that Bruce Wayne and Jack Fenton look super similar. Therefore, Danny and Bruce also look pretty similar!!
I love the idea that Danny already knows Bruce Wayne is Batman. Maybe it's his aura or because the amount of kids Bruce has directly correlates to the amount of bat-themed sidekicks there are. Who knows? Anyway, Danny comes into a small bit of trouble. He may or may not have insulted an immortal witch who cursed him because he's an "immature child, may as well look as young as you act!"
So. Now Danny looks a solid 3-4 years old. It's a good thing that Sam and Tucker briefed him on all he celebrity gossip before he came to Gotham, because he coincidentally knows where the Wayne Enterprise building is. He... can figure it out. Probably. It's actually alarming how many people watch what they think is an unaccompanied kid huff and puff his way in downtown Gotham. (Also, wow, Danny severely underestimated how difficult it is to run after being babified.) But he does make it to the general area of where WE is supposed to be!
His legs are practically shaking at this point, sweating through his toddler-sized NASA hoodie, and searching frantically for Bruce Wayne. Because he really didn't think of it before, but it's Friday afternoon. What if Mr. Batman isn't at WE today? What if Danny gets to WE after 5pm and he's gone until Monday? Would Danny even be able to find the Wayne Manor, much less get transportation there?
Except as Danny's becoming increasingly worried (don't cry, don't cry, don't cry), he spots... his dad?? in the coffee shop windows beside him. No, not his dad. Bruce fucking Wayne! Hell, yeah! Danny smacks open the doors of the coffee shop with single-minded toddler-clumsy determination. Makes a bee-line straight to the coffee pick-up. Bruce Wayne is standing off to the side, quietly speaking on his phone, as Danny practically slams face-first into his knees. Thankfully, it doesn't take either of them down, but it is particularly embarrassing.
Especially when Danny clutches to Batman's pant leg and confidently shouts, "Batman!" Except... he doesn't. A weird jumble of words come out of his mouth that sound more like baba! It's like the world screeches to a stop because, first of all, what the fuck. Second, that bitch witch! She must've made it so whatever he says comes out in toddler-speak despite the fact that he should be able to say somewhat comprehensible sentences, being he's physically 3-4.
That doesn't stop him from trying, though, so he ends up babbling baba, baba, baba in an increasingly frustrated tone.
And Bruce Wayne, who's become used to Damian calling him baba instead of Father, can only stare down at this child who could pass as his clone. The similarities are striking. Even if the toddler is huffing, red-cheeked and clearly on the verge of crying, he looks so much like Bruce that he wonders momentarily if it's another Damian situation.
Regardless, there's a kid crying in front of him, tugging on his pant leg and calling for his dad. And Bruce is nothing if not absolutely weak-hearted against stuff like this. So, he leans down and just... scoops the kid up. Murmurs, "Shh, it's okay, kiddo. You're okay." Pats the kid's back, sways. Completely forgets he's in a crowded coffee (this is definitely going on YouTube, posted under 'Wayne Adopts Another??') and that he's on a phone call with Dick. It's like his Dad Instincts kick in and he's completely focused on Danny.
Danny is... bewildered. Because why is the Batman coddling him?? Except he notices that others have noticed, and have their phones out recording, which is really Not Good. He's not super confident that his parents would be able to recognize him while he's de-aged, but the fact that they might? That's opening a can of worms he can't handle at the moment. So his little string bean arms loop around Bruce's neck and he shoves his face into the collar of the man's suit. Much to his irritation, he can hear several girls next to him coo and giggle about him being such a cute baby. Danny's really regretting not approaching Batman privately now.
And it doesn't end!!
Bruce calms the kid down and then immediately goes to the store manager, asking if any parents have lost their child. He doesn't trust that someone may claim Danny as theirs when that may not be the case. Then, he calls up Gordon, asks about any missing person reports on a child the ages of 2-5 with average height, medium build, and black hair. No hits. Eventually, Bruce makes up his mind and takes Danny home with him. Oracle will likely be able to pull more information than the GCPD anyways.
Meanwhile, Danny zonks out. Like full on, toddler-sprawl open-mouth drooling, because it's been a long day and he got Batman. He did it! And from the way Bruce is still carrying him, Danny will likely be with him for a little while. A little catnap will do him some good. Maybe when he wakes up, he'll magically have the ability to speak normally instead of hysterically babble.
(Four hours later, Danny wakes up on the couch at Wayne Manor, bundled up in super soft blankets with Bruce talking on the phone with some woman. Bruce smiles at the way Danny says baba again. Danny's ready to throw that witch into Bruce's well-maintained fireplace because screaming son of bitch isn't as satisfying when it sounds like sa-bA-BAH!!")
Cue Danny doing increasingly ridiculous things to make The "Greatest Detective" Batman realize he's not a literal baby and Bruce Wayne so enamored with this little kid that he does not realize.
Damian: Brother, I request the uppies
Dick: okay? *picks Damian up*
Damian: *turns to Tim* Observe and weep, foolish mortal, for I have achieved your greatest dreams with nothing but a mere order. Bask in my greatness and despair, for I will take everything you ever desired, I will achieve such feats your name will be nothing but a footnote in my legend. Fear me, insect, for I have become everything you cannot, I am the superior Robin and, once these imbeciles understand this fact, you will receive what you deserve.
Tim: *drinks tea while leaning on a wall* big words for a toddler that just asked for "uppies"
Damian:...
Dick: now, there's no need to be mean, I'm sure Damian just wanted to make some conversation...
*devolves into argument*
Jason: *sitting on desk* this is pretty much the reason I keep coming to the cave
Steph: *eats popcorn* seriously, this is golden
Jason: ohh~ Bruce is going over
Steph: oho! this is getting good
Alfred: *drinks tea* indeed
batman villains are funny bc they all end up in arkham over and over so its just like
killer croc, painting a beautiful and sensitive portrait representing his inner turmoil: i had no idea (insert plant) was an invasive species in gotham
poison ivy, painting a photorealistic fern: they are! they’re so widespread that its almost impossible to contain, and it really hurts my heart
joker trying so fucking hard not to call them homophobic slurs because the therapist told him he’d get extra joker mush if he behaved for once in his fucking life:
*Timbern because I'm a slut*
—
Bernard and Tim, playing Minecraft together
Bernard: Hey, hey, Tim.
Tim, trying to make an XP farm work: Yeah?
Bernard, snickering: Can we— Can I put my bed next to yours?
Tim, feigning shock: Before marriage?!
Bernard: Before marriage!
They both laugh hysterically, they've been playing for eight hours straight
—
Tim, screaming: IT'S CHASING ME IT'S CHASING ME IT'S CHASING ME
Bernard: What is it!?
Tim: A CREEPER!
Bernard: Aw, man... HIT AND RUN HIT AND RUN!!!
Tim: IT'S GONNA EXPLODE OH I'M GODS WE'RE GONNA DIE I JUST GOT THE OBSIDIAN OH MY GODS!!!
—
Bernard: Hey, uh, Timboo?
Tim, building their house: Hm?
Bernard: I'm lost.
Tim: How did you get lost? You left three minutes ago!
Bernard: I DON'T know, I am in an unfamiliar area!
Tim: I don't see your nametag.
Bernard: I'm gonna die.
Tim: No, no, we just made iron armor.
Bernard: I'll find my way home, someday, my love!
Tim, looking at their cats: I'm a single Mother now...
Bernard: Wait for me! I'll find my way home— oh, wait, coordinates.
Tim: Huh? Oh, yeah.
—
Bernard: I made the sheep gay.
Tim: You what?
Bernard: I made the sheep gay, I used the nametag and did the trick.
Tim, going to the farm: GAY SHEEP!!!
Bernard: GAY SHEEP!!!
—
Bernard: Hey, hey, Tim.
Tim: What?
Bernard: I found wolves.
Tim: I'll bring the bones!!!
—
Bernard: I made you something.
Tim: What is it?
Bernard, placing a cake down:
Tim:
Bernard:
Tim: Marry me.
—
Bernard:
Tim:
Bernard: I wish I could get you pregnant in Minecraft.
Tim: Didn't you make us in the Sims?
Bernard: Yeah, we're on our fourth child.
Tim: Freak.
Bernard: You make good money as a secret agent, my restaurant is doing well.
Tim: Can you make me become a super villain?
Bernard: Absolutely.
Tim: Nice.
Bernard: As soon as you're off maternity leave.
Tim: F#&% you.
Bernard: Dick keeps coming over though, and I think Jason wants to steal our youngest.
Tim:
—
Tim: We've been playing for... Three days.
Bernard, half awake, mining: Huh? Oh, yeah, we have.
Tim: Should... Should we stop?
Bernard: I mean. What would we do?
Tim:
Bernard:
Tim: Wanna go do a village raid?
Bernard: Hell yeah.
—
March for More: Names
MASTERPOST
"...Do you need a pad or tampon or something?"
Danny, Jason's roommate, blinks and sputters in confusion from where he sits on the floor in a pool of blood, "Wh-what??"
Jason pauses, wondering if he had been wrong about Danny wearing a binder around the dorm, but no. He and Danny had been roommates for a while and Jason knew a binder when he saw one. So, why is he... oh shit.
"Shit, are you bleeding out right now?" Jason fumbles to take off his jacket, trying to hurry into the dorm so he can help. "Just- wait a sec, I've got a first aid kit."
Danny only stares, a hand pressed tight to his ribs where he's either been cut or shot and shit, Jason needs to see it to know what he's working with. "I- you don't need to-" Danny tries to say as Jason settles in front of him, but Jason only sets down the kit and glares until his roommate moves his hands.
"Shit," Jason hisses as blood begins leaking out of what is clearly not a stab or gunshot wound but something fucking gruesome and... Holy shit, did someone torture him, what the fuck? Jason shakes off the thought, grabbing antiseptic and stitches and gauze—fuck this is gonna suck.
As he works, Danny sits still, practically lifeless, and if it weren't for the occasional hiss or flinch, Jason would think he'd completely disassociated. And if it weren't for the blood on his hands and the gasping body below him, Jason would probably already be out the door. Searching, hunting, killing whoever the fuck did this.
What Jason is stitching up right now isn't just typical Gotham street crime, isn't a stick-up gone wrong or a hit and run or a gang war, no. This is intentional, like being tied down in a crumbling building and beaten and broken and teased with the salvation of passing out. Jason would know.
He shakes his head, this isn't the same. Danny, sitting in front of him and breathing shakily, is alive. He's alive, and whoever did this won't be soon enough.
"Names. Give me their fucking names, Danny."
excuse me but dick's siblings can not read him better than the original teen titans. his siblings might read his body language better (especially cass) but they won't recognize- can't recognize dick's expressions like donna, garth, wally and roy can.
there's no way. the fab five have known dick for an insanely long amount of time, and perhaps the only other person is barbara.
like i know you guys love your sibling relationships, but like seriously? the fab five have known each other for an insanely long amount of time there's no need to pretend that they wouldn't understand dick like he's part of their own soul. because they would. you don't go through so much with some people and not know each other like they're parts of you. because at that point, they are.
as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.
damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.
nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.
whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.
one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.
all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.
After the Nasty Burger incident, Danny went to live with Vlad under the promise that he would change. And he did, for all of two months before Danny discovered a secret basement full of clones. All except one of them were unstable.
Thoroughly betrayed, Danny takes the one stable clone and puts the rest of them out of their misery. Then he heads to Gotham where the local billionaire has a habit of taking in black hair blued eyed orphans. Fight fire with fire right? Or in this case money with money.
I glow pink in the night in my room 💖 ID is in alt text!
"Weird Questions from a Weird City: Batfamily Edition
Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?
Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Dick Grayson: Vampires.
Jason Todd: ...
Tim Drake: ...
Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.
Dick eats his apple after that.
*silence*
Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.
Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?
Jason: Same.
Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.
Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately. Dick, confused: Huh? Why? Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point? Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-
Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him... Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO
Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going? Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen? Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays. Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks. Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad! Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Koran
Tim: Bruce, I’m gay
Bruce: oh
Tim: oh?
Bruce: I mean you being gay sort of ruins the entire edgy thing the batfamily has going on
Tim: what?
Bruce: because you’re gay.. you’re happy..??
Tim: when Dick uses the term gay he means something different than me
Dick, poking head into room: no we mean the same thing, I just didn’t want to explain it to him
Tim: no Bruce, I’m bisexual, I’m into men and woman
Bruce: oh, congrats? Me too?
Tim: WHAT?!
Dick: Superman was my co parent at one point I definitely saw them kiss
Tim: again, WHAT?!
Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.
Bruce: alright is everybody strapped in-?
Tim: -fucking told you to move up- BRUCE TELL DAMIAN TO SHOVE IT
Jason: oh my god did you see Green Arrow eat shit when that guy shot at him?
Dick: Jason YOU shot him
Bruce: Damian you have to let Tim- Jason that was YOU-?
Jason: hey i TOLD him to move out the way it’s not my fault the bullet ricochetted off a lamppost into his leg-
Bruce: i told you to leave the real bullets at home- TIM STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER
Duke: WAIT I LEFT MY IPOD BACK AT THE FIGHT
Tim: how am i the one getting in trouble- HES LITERALLY GOT HIS KNIFE OUT
Damian: i told you if you got in my way during the battle you would regret it and WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Stephanie: shut up Damian you were totally about to kick it, Tim saved your ass.
Tim: THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN?
Jason: who the fuck takes an ipod to a fight we literally have bluetooth in the comms
Duke: who the fuck dies to the Joker he’s literally just a guy
Jason: OI-
Stephanie: *cackling*
Bruce: OK- Damian and Tim, opposite sides of the plane! Duke we can’t turn back now, i’ll just have to get you a new ipod-
Dick: BRUUUUUUUUCE JASONS BLEEEEDDDIIINNNNGGG
Jason: shut the fuck up you fucking snitch!
Bruce: WHO’S BLEEDING?!? JASON-
Stephanie: hey Duke can i paint your nails- TIM GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE
Damian: Father, Grayson has passed out
Bruce: WHAT-
Jason: HAH! I WIN THE BET HE FUCKING OWES ME 20 DOLLARS
Tim: what bet?
Jason: we both got stabbed so we didnt tell anyone to see who could stay awake the longest
Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-
Duke: do you guys even understand how many songs i had downloaded on that ipod? it was fucking engraved, man
Stephanie: Damian stop moving your fucking hands you’re gonna mess up the nail polish
Damian: I HAD TO ITCH MY NOSE
Jason: does anyone wanna see the video of Green Arrow eating shit or what?
Tim, Damian, Duke, Stephanie: YES
Bruce: WE HAVE TO GET DICK A BLOOD TRANSFUSION-
-back with the Justice League-
Clark: *sitting back with his eyes closed, a serene smile on his face*
Barry, whispering to Ollie: what’s he doing?
Ollie: i think it’s a post-battle meditation thing, calms him down
Barry: man, i should really start getting some healthier habits. i never bother meditating.
Ollie: he truly is an inspiration to all.
Dick : so yeah, we should definitely- oh hey jason, do you want to join us? We were planning to go to the movies-
Jason, who's looking down at his phone, walking past them,
Jason : maby another time, dad.
Dick :
Tim :
Damian :
Duke :
Jason, just walking off, leaving them baffled.
Duke : ..what just happend?
Dick : oh no..do I.. look like bruce?..
Tim who's being frantic : did he even notice that he called you- wait what? How-
Damian : does todd think...
Duke : is this normal? Did this happen before?!
Tim : ...no. sure, dick is a great older brother but none of us ever called him dad..
Damian : I'm sure todd ment to say dick, but misspoke..
Dick : do I look like b?!!!
Jason, who recently found out that dick tried to adopt him, and now to mess with bruce, calling dick dad and B gramps.
After Clark tells Lois that he’s Superman—and, you know, the last surviving member of his alien race, no big deal—she starts wondering what is Clark being Clark and what is Clark being an alien. She makes lists and asks endless questions. Clark is (mostly) patient with her. It’s cute.
“Does coffee actually do anything for you? I mean, you look half dead without it, so I assume the caffeine does something.”
“Hurtful, but okay. It’s psychological. I like the taste and it’s part of my routine. I guess I’ve conditioned myself to feel like I need it to start the day.”
“Your music—do you actually like it, or is that just a front?”
“Yes, Lois, I actually like Beyoncé. She makes art. Have you heard the harmonies? She sings them all herself and then layers—“
“Oh my God, Superman’s in the BeyHive.”
“Meg’s great too.”
“Trainor?”
“Thee Stallion.”
“Oh my God, Superman’s having a Hot Girl Summer.”
“Do you eat? I mean…wait, is that food allergy thing a lie?”
“Do I—yes, Lois, you’ve seen me eat!”
“Okay, but do you need to? Also, way to dodge the food allergy question.”
“Under a red sun, yes, I would need to eat regularly. Under a yellow sun, assuming I’m not injured, I’m pretty sure I could go weeks without food. I haven’t tested it, though.”
“And the food allergy?”
“I’m not eating Cat’s deviled eggs at the office potluck, and I don’t feel bad for lying.”
“So your snack drawer at work—“
“Is just a snack drawer. One you shouldn’t even know about. How do you—“
“Hush, let me finish. Peanut butter crackers. Peanut butter pretzels. Peanut butter cups. A jar of peanut butter. What gives?”
“I like peanut butter.”
“Clearly!”
“It’s good protein!”
“Do you fake being startled? Like when people pop up behind you?”
“No. Just because I can hear you doesn’t mean I’m actively listening or always paying attention.”
“So you can hear when people are having se—“
“Can I? Yes. I’m also tuning it out, because ew. Massive invasion of privacy, and I don’t want to know what everyone gets up to.”
“What do you get up to?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yes, Clark, that’s why I’m asking.”