Latest Posts by kienokoru - Page 6
“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?”
— Danielle LaPorte (via amortizing)
“am I supposed to be grateful to have survived this?”
— Brenna Twohy, from “I Know It’s a Little Late,” Forgive Me My Salt (via lifeinpoetry)
If there’s a male character I care about (when I’m writing), there’s like a 50% greater chance of him crying at some point because in this house, we support normalizing men and boys being emotionally expressive and vulnerable and we will never shame them for it
“we’re all killers. we’ve all killed parts of ourselves to survive. we’ve all got blood on our hands. something somewhere had to die so we could stay alive.”
— if memories could bleed, if dreams could scream | m.a.w (via dvoyd )
this girl is functional now. still a teeny bit wip but functional.
@wilyacme. ( x )
“Well, I WAS.” Her voice is wheezy enough to match the sort of nightmarish screeches she just produced. However, their dingy motel room failed to reflect the girl’s urgency.
There were no signs of a struggle or anything else that could cause distress, besides maybe some moldy walls. It was just Vanx with a seething look of betrayal.
She sniffed as she hugged onto his side. Even though Vanx was tall enough to dust off the top of Shiro’s head, she hunched over enough to more or less tuck herself into Shiro. Her face was sour and a little wet, but Vanx’s grip was like a vice. “I didn’t know where you were.“
“ i-- ” he began, only to cut himself off immediately while sliding an arm around vanx. GUILT washed over him in violent waves as he dropped the bags from his other arm, the contents of which no longer felt as important as they once had. swallowing, shiro pulled vanx in closer, wrapping himself around her securely in hopes to calm her and make her feel SAFE once more, and... perhaps part in apology.
“ sorry, i just ran across the street to grab us some food and a couple other necessities. i... thought you’d sleep through it. ” though he’d worried that she might not. pursing his lips, shiro rested his head atop vanx’s and slowly started to run a soothing hand up and down along her back. he hadn’t MEANT to cause any distress, he’d just wanted to take care of a couple chores, but... maybe he should have just waited until the morning. it wasn’t as though they couldn’t go TOGETHER, going alone just... sped the process up a bit.
“ you seemed like you were in a deep sleep, so i--- ...sorry. i didn’t mean to scare you. ”
I’ll trade you one bad memory for a summer day full of mint.
promo art by thefusspot
template
vagasbonds.
❛ SHIRO – i missed you ! ❜ without room for protest , an arm is thrown around shiro’s shoulders ( well , shoulder area … the height difference kills it ) , ❛ ya didn’t go anywhere. just missed ya. how’s it going ? ❜
&& . @kienokoru / take the clingy goblin child
“ because i was on the other side of the room for two minutes? ” though his tone is flat, there’s a lilt of AMUSEMENT to it which matches the look on his face, an eyebrow quirked as he peers down at elias. really, it’s hard to be annoyed by when it’s such a clear show of how far they’ve come since their first meeting.
“ we MIGHT need to talk about attachment issues, ” he teases, wrapping an arm over elias’ shoulders in return. “ otherwise, it’s going just fine. ”
bc i’m weak for these things. snagged the link from @vagasbonds, make ur own here.
sentences from the youtube series , buzzfeed unsolved . primarily taken from season 5′s supernatural investigations .
“ it doesn’t matter because you’re dead ”
“ it’s not impressive , no one’s impressed ”
“ the spot of your death is now a lovely gift shop ”
“ as god as my witness , he snapped him in half ”
“ i seriously want you to throw something right at my face ”
“ you can live in the cave ”
“ i’m a big fan of your name ”
“ the fact that you steal , that’s really funny to me ”
“ that’s the greatest thing to steal : a man’s joy ”
“ because i’m a masochist ”
“ i’m going to regret this ”
“ i’ve lost the ability to feel ”
“ they’re gonna fucking murder you ”
“ the way you shushed me was quite rude ”
“ cowards , all of you ”
“ i’m strange and off putting ”
“ i should not feel confident in the face of any man ”
“ here you are , smiling in the face of the devil ”
“ i hate bats ”
“ bats sometimes carry rabies and that’s a thing i’m afraid of ”
“ not today devil birds , not today ”
“ i think i’m blacking out right now ”
“ i don’t think i’m going to remember this moment ”
“ i think i’m gonna cry ”
“ i keep forgetting there’s ghosts in here ”
“ if you know me and my debilitating fear of bears , this is my worst nightmare ”
“ i’m standing on an altar alone ”
“ maybe you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and eat your cat ”
“ i’m so glad that’s over let’s go eat taco bell ”
“ were you making horse noises ? ”
“ in case any of you needed a reminder this place is a twisting nightmare ”
“ there’s a good chance i’m gonna fart in here ”
“ well this is horrifying ”
“ let’s do each other a favor and not show ourselves to each other ”
“ if you could do me a big solid and not do anything that would be sublime ”
“ this is just as horrifying as i thought it would be ”
“ you talk to hide from the silence ”
“ do i look like the kind of man who could give advice ? ”
“ several bad choices have lead me to this moment ”
“ let’s play look at the ceiling tiles ! 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 … ”
“ i just wanna know if you think they have belly buttons ”
“ i did meet some of the most insufferable people but they also met me ”
“ if it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck ”
❛ I mostly post pictures of my dog, he’s more interesting than I am. ❜
as a teenager, shiro was actually on the scrawnier side. when he was a younger cadet, he was shorter than a lot of his classmates and it wasn’t until he was about seventeen that he had something of a late growth spurt which steadily put him closer to his final height of 6′2. the growth spurt helped put a bit of his bulk on too, but it wasn’t until he started working out regularly, also conveniently around the age of eighteen, that he really began filling out. wasn’t until he was twenty that he reached peak ‘tall & built’ status.
headcanon: because it’s sinday…
shiro is a homoromantic sex-repulsed ace. this isn’t something that he hides, and it’s something that he makes sure his partners are aware of — he’s had relationships where it felt like he was disappointing a partner for getting uncomfortable as intimate moments escalate, and it sucks. he tells partners up front that sex just isn’t something he can offer.
he can, however, grow more comfortable with some things over time and exposure with someone. actual intercourse is still incredibly unlikely but, for example, over the course of his relationship with adam he became comfortable with sleeping naked together, with some certain more intimate touches, and with spreading kisses ( and bites ) across different parts of the body.
if suitably comfortable with someone and given understanding and patience, it isn’t impossible that he could one day be comfortable with ( and enjoy ) getting a partner off/having a partner getting him off with hands. oral is more of a stretch, anything that involves insertion is where he struggles the most as far as comfort, but there is some potential for him to grow more comfortable with certain aspects of sex.
shiro cried a lot as a kid. he’s always been a very emotional person, has always felt his emotions strongly, and as a boy he had little handle on controlling them. he’d get overwhelmed easily and when frightened, worried, anxious, sad, and even when happy enough, he’d often start to cry. it wasn’t until he was in his teens that he finally started managing to control these sorts of reactions.
Melina Marchetta, The Piper’s Son
Anne Carson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides
All I ever wanted to do Was some good in this world And I did try God did I try.
Worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could, and it still wasn’t good enough.
Praise this body For nothing has killed it yet Even my own two hands
— Jill Khoury, from “Litany for Survival,” published in Inverted Syntax
I do. I did it. I did. I had to. I have to. I have to live.
— Aisha Sasha John, from “I like it when we give the world to itself,” I Have to Live
Pain changes people, it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out.
the undercity is a world created entirely by ghost / @grimesucker. i recommend checking out his blog if the setting interests you because it’s incredibly well developed and full of amazing ideas and characters. i won’t be explaining details of the city here, only how shiro fits into the world. for more info and explanation on certain aspects, you can find that all on ghost’s blog.
age: 17+
nickname most know him by: fifteen (given to him by dox; because he’s missing a hand, he has fifteen fingers & toes instead of the usual twenty)
original level: med-lev
after the death of his mother, shiro ran from the home for orphaned children — something he now recognizes as a dumb mistake.
while trying to survive on his own, he accepted help from someone who worked for 5liip, though he had no idea, and once this was found out by authorities, shiro was marked and sent down to the Undercity as punishment.
within his first few days trying to survive on his own down THERE, shiro stepped in to a fight in order to protect a stranger. this resulted in the majority of his right arm being cut off.
both his being cast down to the undercity and being so injured were actually planned by 5liip and executed at his order. shiro is seen as a perfect way to get at dox, who has a weak spot for kids and the ability to heal. though he’s unaware of it, shiro is a tool for 5liip to attempt to weasel his way closer to dox for his future plans.
a slumbrat finds the bleeding shiro and brings him to dox, who heals the injury and thus saves the boy’s life.
from here, shiro takes to crashing on dox’s couch, at first allowed to stay until he recovers. even once he has though, with nowhere to go and very little understanding of the undercity, shiro sort of just… stays. dox never actually kicks him out. he becomes an uninvited roommate but is eventually accepted as actually living there.
he helps dox out wherever he can, part to earn his keep and to try to pay the guy back. in particular, he helps out with the kids that dox watches over.
dox makes shiro a prosthetic arm. it’s low quality, made from spare parts he has around, but it’s functional and shiro is eternally grateful for it.
shiro is regularly sent baskets of food from 5liip, an “apology” for his fate of being trapped in the undercity.
the slumbrats don’t accept shiro in the beginning, as he comes from an upper level, something he catches a lot of shit for. over a long span of time, however, they do come around, as he’s become something of a big brother to them all, helping dox to take care of them and often putting himself at risk for them.
in kind, dox and shiro develop a familial relationship over time. they’re brothers, they mean the world to one another, and will protect one another at all costs.
though it never affected him much when he was on med-lev, as they have technology to suppress and treat such things, shiro is chronically ill. in the undercity with none of the treatment he once had, he is faced with the symptoms for the first time in his life. the disease is one which affects his muscle function, causing them to tense and tighten severely to the point of pain and even difficulty moving the affected part of his body. some days it’s manageable and others he can’t really leave his bed.
overall, shiro remains fairly naive and idealistic compared to most others residing in the undercity — he doesn’t believe that everyone down there is terrible and he often steps in to help others, strangers or not. it’s something dox continues to give him shit for, though it never convinces him to stop.
this is an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE from shiro’s main undercity verse, an offshoot in a different direction which eventually meets with ghost’s ‘inheritance’ verse for dox.
initial events unfold the same, but this verse diverges in shiro being successfully manipulated by 5liip after meeting him face to face in the undercity. shiro agrees to join the gang {black bracket}, believing the things that 5liip tells him about it not being what dox has told him and accepting the help the gang leader says it will provide him.
this ruins the relationship between shiro and dox, the latter of whom hates gangs more than anything else. shiro is kicked out of dox’s home.
5liip replaces the prosthetic dox made for shiro which a much higher quality one.
shiro undergoes training to improve his fighting skills and he begins accompanying 5liip on jobs once he’s shown to be talented.
originally, he’s still little more than a tool to eventually bring dox to 5liip, to put dox in charge of the gang (shiro still, of course, completely unaware of this fact). he proves himself to be useful as much more than his, however, and ends up holding the interest of the gang’s leader.
5liip enforces the beliefs shiro gained from growing up on an upper level, that the people of the undercity (those unaffiliated with the {black bracket} gang, at least) are awful and undeserving of sympathy. this makes it easier to mold him into a perfect soldier.
shiro climbs through the gang’s ranks quickly, eventually becoming something of a third in command.
eventually, shiro becomes a legitimately feared figure, as he’s a frighteningly talented fighter, has become quite ruthless, and, completely trusting in his leader, does whatever 5liip asks of him.
when 5liip dies and passes on leadership to dox, shiro is apprehensive at first. he’s been angry with dox for years for being kicked out and abandoned over one decision, and he’s grieving over the loss of someone who had been so important to him. he still trusts 5liip, however, and thus accepts dox as the new leader of the gang regardless of how he feels about the guy.
it takes time, but the two do make up and start to improve their relationship again.
dox makes shiro his second, but relegates him more to duties around the base rather than sending him on any jobs that require violence, not liking what 5liip has effectively turned him into.
this is frustrating to shiro, who feels he’s far more useful in the field, but he does as he’s told regardless.
tag dump.
≠ ━ 「 lean on my pride; i’m a lion 」 musings. ≠ ━ 「 i’ll morph to someone else; defense mechanism mode 」 headcanon. ≠ ━ 「 though i am bruised / face of contusions / know i’ll keep moving 」 character study. ≠ ━ 「 got nothing but dreams inside 」 visage. ≠ ━ 「 trying to blow out the pilot light 」 aesthetic. ✧ ━ 「 prompt me 」 meme. ✧ ━ 「 prompt me 」 sentences. ↻ ━ 「 answered 」 ic. ↻ ━ 「 answered 」 ooc. ☆ ━ 「 only wrote this down to make you press rewind 」 psa. ☆ ━ 「 spread the love! 」 promo.