Do You Think Beast Atsushi Has Nightmares Of Akutagawa With His Neck Slashed Open

I'm aware my art isn't very popular or anything lol but please pick which kid you'd want to see me draw the most<3 (I'm also aware every kid on this list beside Kenjikyou's would be biologically impossible but uhh let's say there's just some ability user or whatever who can let two men have kids or smth, idk I'm here to draw not to have logic mk 😔)

I'll also name the kid and give them a bit of a story when I end up drawing whoever they are :>

When I look at the number 88, I get war flashbacks. This isn't a joke guys.

we literally saw his “oh….oh” moment it was just and then……AND THEN….

what if Atsushi kept the coat. What if after all of this he tries to hand it to Akutagawa, who just swats it away and hugs Atsushi tight. What THEN

I'm rereading bungou stray dogs, and I noticed that when Dazai shoves Atsushi into Sugimoto, Atsushi accesses the tiger just enough to stabilize himself and pin Sugimoto to the ground. And he does so in a specific stance, one knee braced, one hand pinning Sugimoto's hands behind him.

His resolved pout, firm grip, and poised stance are very much unlike how he confronted Tanizaki during his entrance exam or how he reacted to Higuchi when she emptied a clip into Naomi.

But, I did recall another instance where Atsushi similarly pivoted into seemingly confident resolve— when he tried to shoot Akutagawa shortly after Akutagawa arrived on scene. He seemingly dives Akutagawa, only to grab the gun near Akutagawa's feet to shoot him. This is silly; Atsushi's tiger is most adept in close quarters, and Akutagawa has already shown that Rashoumon is a range weapon.

But, Atsushi hasn't yet learned to tap into his tiger's strengths, nor does he know how to fight— which means he doesn't know how to evaluate how Akutagawa is fighting either. So, he doesn't clock that Akutagawa is maintaining physical distance, that Rashoumon extends out, that Akutagawa is frail and coughing. Instead, he snatches a weapon, launches himself at a distance from Akutagawa because he's scared to stay too close, and shoots him.

And, despite not knowing how to fight, clearly having little clue as to how to approach Akutagawa— Atsushi has a resolved pout, a firm grip, a poised stance.

Atsushi has never shot a gun before, and each time we've seen him encounter a situation in which he's felt uncertain, he's fallen apart. Even when he's brave (like covering the "bomb" with his own body during his entrance exam), he trembles and screws his eyes tight or stares, frozen. What made him even think to go for the gun, having never shot one, and whose expression is on his face, if not his own?

Like, sure, in the moment before he acted he'd remembered Kunikida telling him he was part of the Agency, and to not besmirch their good name, but that explains why he became brave, not why he went for the gun, or looked so sure doing so— oh, wait!

I do recognize that resolved pout, firm grip, and poised stance, actually. From earlier in the same volume.

And, regarding the Sugimoto pin— Dazai knows that Atsushi will be fine, that he's built to grapple, and that he can regenerate if shot. It made sense to throw Atsushi, a tank, at Sugimoto because even though Atsushi doesn't know how to fight and is a bit of a coward, he can take damage as well as he deals it.

But Atsushi doesn't take the damage— not like he does later, when he learns to fight to his strengths. Instead, he accesses his tiger, not to take the hit or use his speed to escape, but to push Sugimoto into a pin that looks too polished for someone who's never pinned anyone before. But he has seen someone be pinned, and he's been pinned too. Quite recently, even.

Each time, one handedly. And so, when he's thrown into Sugimoto—

His expression isn't his own because he's not protecting himself— he's protecting others, and he can't rely on himself to do that yet. He's too weak, too cowardly, and too uncertain of how to be someone in the context of others yet.

That's where his tiger becomes useless. Atsushi's tiger is raw, single-minded force. Its sole preogative, the sole reason it exists, is to keep Atsushi alive. And it's kept Atsushi alive by barreling him forward, negating what would kill Atsushi so that he can tear forward no matter what comes for him. His tiger is starving, enormous, and seemingly indomitable because it's carved from Atsushi's basest desire to live.

But where the tiger keeps him alive, it doesn't make him brave or steadfast or purposeful. And it's certainly not something that knows how to protect other people. Because a desire to live is not the same as the will to live or a reason to live.

And before Atsushi could articulate a reason, before he could recognize that he could exert will over the tiger, he relied on Kunikida's instead.

Kunikida knows better than most that relying on one's desires (such as his desire for a good and ideal world) can be manipulated and countered. Fyodor attempted to do so during the Cannibalism arc, Jouno during the Hunting Dogs arc. But as Ranpo said, Kunikida is the noblest, strongest member of the Agency. It's evident when instead of choking on the perversion of his own intentions, he continues to act, to save the next person if he couldn't save the last. That's not raw or instinctual. It's discipline, motivation, and will.

This is why he's their heart, their wrangler, their compass, their sincerity, and the template for what they should do when they're overwhelmed by who they are or who they could become. Because good is not who you are, it's what you do.

Look! They're in love

remembered this line from Beast and now I have to kill myself