Going Through A Bad Phase..

It’s 2:06am and I’m awake with nothing but the thought of you and I. You keep me up at night which is ironic because during the day the thought of you does nothing but make me want to sleep so I can forget about you for a little while.

B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

My days and nights since last week! 

Too pretty 🙆💁

The finishing touch on being #GRAMMYs ready? A pop of color, fabulous makeup and a fun, feisty attitude. Good luck, COVERGIRL @katyperry!

Hello again.

It has been a while since I have blogged and ranted and vented my emotions, feelings and thoughts. Although not much has changed, a lot still has changed. 

To believe I would graduate after three years without any problems or bumps along the road was very naive of me. Reaching the end of my third year of uni only to find out I have to resit an exam, resulting in me not graduating with my friends has shattered me. I have not much to say about that apart from how disappointed I am at myself. However, this has also shown a lot about the people I thought I had surrounded myself with. The people I thought that would always be there for me, proven to be very wrong indeed. I have met some amazing friends along the way and it has taken me 3 years to realise how shit I am at making and choosing friends. I had not learned how to do this up until the end of my third year of uni. I don’t regret anything. In fact I am glad a lot of things happened the way they did, otherwise I wouldn’t have met the love of my life and I wouldn’t have met the most amazing friends in these last couple of months. It is very cliche indeed but life sometimes has to be full of cliches and cheese for you to realise how good life can be. 

I have been through a lot and many people do not know that about me. The family I thought would stand by me in difficult times could not be part of my difficult times because of their narrow mindedness and shallow mindedness and their greed and love for reputation. I have always and will always adore my parents but they have let me down so much lately, sometimes even to the point of not being able to come back from it. I have endured a lot of wounds and suffered a lot through the words that had been chucked at me by my sisters and parents but it has only made me realise.... 

You find your soulmate, your love, your life, in that one person, and everything else does not matter anymore. Every heartbreak, every let down, every pain, all can be forgotten with just one moment with that one person. That one person I can call at any time of the day and he will always stand by me. And that is what I have realised... you lose a lot of people, you fall out, you stop calling your home “home” but you gain that one person, who you want to spend the rest of your life with. He or She will become your home, your shelter, your life and I can honestly say, I have never felt so safe in my life before as I do now with him by my side. I’m proud to be his. 

Its the time where you have to think about what you really want! Do you want to live to please others? Go out there and find your soulmate, find your love, find your life and live it. To the fullest. Everyone deserves a better life, only a few know how to make their life a better life. You will get there. In time. 

xoxo

∞ Are You Satisfied? ∞

A year in life...

Oh it’s been so very long since I last wrote. I needed time. I needed to experience my first year “out there” so that I could really write. Write about everything and I’ll make sure not to leave anything out. 

A year ago, my last blog, was about my family’s dismissive behaviour towards the love of my life. A year ago, my dad was the only one left in the dark about this because I was looking for the perfect timing. I knew the outcome. I knew it a year ago and at last after a year, I was only proven right. Ultimatum set by him, choose the family he says and leave him. Choose him and leave the family. So which is it going to be? I have thought about it, many many many times only to go around in circles. Why cant I have both? Why is it so easy for my father to give me such an ultimatum and why can he not consider or take into account anyone but himself? Enough with the questions though, perhaps I have the answers, yet deep down I do not want them to be true therefore suppress the truth. Because everyone knows, the truth hurts. So much that at this moment of time I have decided to play along as a happy family because for now, the hurting can temporarily be postponed. And even if it is for a short while, I rather be happy with the family before I make them aware of my decision. 

The decision of my life so to speak. Its all set, I have done so much thinking in between changing jobs and working full time, and welcoming my beautiful niece to this world as well as keeping my parents happy and him happy. I have been flooded with so many emotions that really, I did not even have to even decide myself but life decided for me. And maybe that is the best of ways. I know from here onward I can count on him, fall back on him, love him and be with him. We have chosen each other through all that we’ve had to go through and still have to go through, we have always chosen us. And that is what made this decision so easy ( well i keep referring it to decision, but really its a choice).

So here it is for a shortened version of my year, I promise I will write more and more often again. I nearly forgot how good it feels to just write and lets the words write themselves. 

Have a good summer!

xoxo

Hello again.

Hmmm, it's been a while since my last blog, and a lot has changed since. For starters: Happy New Year! 2016 will be our year! Yes we may pretend for a few months that this year will be different but it really won't be. It will be better for some, it will be worse for some, and it may stay the same for others. But how much can really change in a year? 2015 has been one of my best and worst years! I've been through the worst break up but also managed to pass another year of uni! See it's not all bad... Plus loosing weight and getting fit after the break up was one of the most accomplished goal of my year! Ups and downs, you grow stronger, you grow wiser and you grow older.. That's all there is to another year! You can make it or break with your own hands. I do not believe in a New Years resolution. Somebody asked me what mine would be for 2016 and I quite frankly told them that a resolution is pointless. I like to think that whatever success, whatever goal you achieve and whatever kindness you do throughout the year is a resolution in disguise. The ones you haven't planned always go to plan. There is no point telling yourself that you're going to get fit because it's a beginning of a new year when you're going to give up in 1 week because you're mentally not ready to achieve this goal. Give yourself time and let it happen when you are ready. This is for any type of goal that you might have. Everyone has been through a difficult time and mourned for a long time without realising how long they have been doing so. There is no shame to be upset about something that you may have lost that was once your everything. To me, he was everything. It pained me so much. 6 months have passed and I still can't believe that it happened the way it did or why it happened the way it did. Sometimes it is best not to remind yourself of the things that you have lost but of the things that you have gained. It will always get better even if it gets worse before it gets better. Keep your chin up and walk through this year with pride and confidence! Be thankful for what you have, stay humble and make the best of it! Until next time! Xoxo

I love myself.

Don't EVER let anyone tell you that you're not good enough.. Too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too stupid, a know-it-all, a freak, weird the list goes on and never ends!! Everything about you is beautiful and you are the only one who can change you! Stay happy, be who you are and enjoy life! Thought of the day... Because nobody is and ever will be perfect :)

Yoga

My first ever yoga session completed. I feel no different than before, just exhausted from what I felt like was an hour of lying down and inhaling, exhaling, and of course the random ‘ommm shanti,ommm shanti’ chanting. However, I would still recommend it! Definitely worth a try to see how you feel about it. I did like the way my mind just went blank for a whole hour and I had nothing but shanti on my mind (shanti means peace btw).

Free yourself.

Xoxo

Family

Things get out of hand a lot. Some days there are moments where I wish to varnish into the thin walls of our old build house. It is very difficult to communicate with a parents who have no intention of integrating themselves into a newer, fresher generation ( maybe even corrupted). Nobody has it easy, I bet! 

It hurts to see your loved ones in so much pain, when you’re always afraid to say the wrong things. The slightest thing sets fire to a normal, yet controversial topic between my parents and I. Its crazy to think about really. There is no day passing by without one of us getting annoyed at the other. What is there to do? Why can’t we be straight with one another? Life is complicated enough to keep grudges and all sorts of arguments to let happen at home. Home is where the heart is! I will live by this quote forever. I love my family. I would do anything for each one of them! Yet it is never simple to get along. 

I am a family person and always will be. Everybody is deep down. I can only speak for myself of course but people seem to always make out that family is such a bad thing! I don’t know, maybe at the age of 20 I don’t meet kind people enough. I always say that if you can live happily with your family then you will always have a kind heart. Of course this is biased but I have not met anyone who is a spiteful-happy family member! However, when I say family I only mean exclusive family members only aka mother,father and siblings if present! Anything outside of this “golden” circle mean nothing to me. Yes I will call them aunt and uncle and cousin but I do not and will not call them family. 

So, ending this blog on a happy note: I probably had the best day by far since a very long time with my parents! And I would do it over and over again whenever I get the chance to. 

I love you mum,dad& sisters <3 

xoxo

The fresh start of a new beginning

There is only that much a girl like me can keep to herself. 19 year old university student with a huge family can sometimes mean ALOT of secrets, backstabbing, tears, happiness and gossip. Entering my 20s soon and starting my second years of study I found a new way to let my inner self speak out! I have no idea how I am going to start sharing everything or where to start.So many things going on in my life (which yes I know is happening in everyone's life not just mine) and I have so little ways to just let loose. Hopefully you guys enjoy my posts and blogs and maybe relate to it a little bit!