Some People Here Really Treat Butchfemme Dynamics... Weirdly. Especially The Butch Label.

idk if ur okay with vent, feel free to ignore if you're not

i'm kinda frustrated. i was venting to a white friend about racism, and ever since i did, she pulled away from me. she stated the reason is she feels bad bc she thinks she's complicit by virtue of not being black and benefiting from white privilege, and thus she thinks i deserve better friend than her.

i was just venting. she herself is not racist. the white guilt feels so unnecessary and it hurts that instead of just being there for me, she let her white guilt pull her away from me. it's so excessive. like i guess i get the guilt if it's about her also having unlearned antiblackness and feeling bad for those unlearned stuff, but it's not that. it's purely because she's white that she feels guilty

I was gone delete this because Black, but I think everyone needs this example. I want you to hear me:

Your friend is being racist to you.

Your friend might not MEAN to be, she may be well intentioned. But she is. You went to her to vent about your experiences with racism, believing her to be a safe ear. While I can understand that she is uncomfortable, rather than just being honest and saying "hey I'm uncomfortable with this topic and I don't know how to deal with that", she has decided to center her feelings about your experiences with racism. That helps no one, in fact it redirects the weight of the conversation. She just feels bad, and you're still experiencing racism. These two things are not the same.

Now. If it were ME, I wouldn't want to be this person's friend anymore. I need the people close to me to be on the same page; I can't lean on you if I gotta coddle you about oppressing me 😭. If I came to you to tell you I'm struggling with racism, and you made it about your white guilt, I'm not telling you shit else 😅 I see EXACTLY where the line has fallen, the limit of this relationship. But that's me! 🙌🏾

That said! If you want to mend this relationship and put it on a better path, I think you should tell her how you feel.

"If you want me to feel supported, if you want to feel like an active ally and actually do something to counter that guilt over your privilege, here are things you can do." The PDF is in one of my lessons (3, I believe) but I always recommend White Fragility by Robin diAngelo as baby's first confrontation with white guilt. Maybe hand that to her? Because she's not as "unlearned" as y'all think if this is her response. And if she don't take it, well... Balls in her court! You did what you were gone do.

Girls will be boys

Boys will be girls

Fascists will 💖 be shot💖

I hate that we are expected to compact our opinions, our feelings, our identities, into square, black and white little boxes and then label them and let that label decide who we are and how we’re treated by others. Humans, by nature, are so much more complicated than that, we aren’t perfect squares and so we can’t fit into the square boxes that our society so desperately tries to force us into. We’re more like squiggly lines that are all tangled and intertwined and going in every direction imaginable, like christmas lights after spending a year in the loft; they may all somehow be connected, but when you try to describe or make sense of it, it’s going to be hard and, a lot of the time, it will even be impossible. Human behaviour, emotions, and identity can’t be labelled perfectly, there’s always going to be a part that’s missing or something that doesn’t quite fit into the box. Think of it like trying to fit a trapezoid into a rectangle: there’s parts that are too big to fit, and then there’s areas that the trapezoid can’t fill at all. That is what labels are to humans. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to perfectly fit somebody into a label without changing a vital part of what makes them who they are and that can cause so much emotional and mental damage.

Sapphic/Lesbian music! 💗

• punkrockdyke by Gina Young • play the field by Partner • this is what we look like by Personal Best • I wanna be your joan jett by otto - 15 tiles • blood by Butch Baby • kiss me aphrodite - Oscar the wild

🤡: her father is literally dying stop drooling.

me: Okayyyy?? she’s still fucking gorjus? Let me lust over this woman for five minutes without your bitch ass yapping.

i dont know who needs to hear this but there can be a nonbinary lesbian. not-man likes not-men. stop thinking so hard about it

seeing femmes who hate butches is so hilarious to me because you cannot call yourself a femme if you do not like butches. that’s not how it works. you can absolutely be femme4femme or not want to date butches but i’m talking about femmes who just don’t like butches AT ALL. in ANY way. one of the points of being a femme is protecting all other lesbians, ESPECIALLY butches!! and vice versa for butches protecting femmes!! we rely on each other and always have!! historically!! and more importantly–how can anyone hate butches???? truly baffling.

”trans men are the weakest links of the trans community” my trans male friends and I have lived a lifetime of having our bodily autonomy stripped away to the point of sexual harassment. people talk about our bodies like everyone except us owns them because no one can handle the idea of precious female bodies being “mutilated” by gender affirming care. we are treated like traitors by women and as confused, silly girls by men. we have no spaces in which we belong because even the queer community tries to control our bodies. if we pass as men then we get ousted from queer-friendly spaces, and if we don’t pass as men we’re treated like cringe, theyfab trenders. everything we love is considered annoying. we’re called ugly and sad and “what a shame you guys are men haha”. We have to watch as society uses us as an excuse to ban gender affirming care for young people because our bodies belong to the government, because our bodies belong to our mothers, and because our anatomy is the only thing they see us as. And then we have to sit back as the trans community blames us for these bans. “All of these fake transtrenders are the reason they all hate us” when we’re busy having the women in our lives scrutinise our bodies to make sure we’re not being “infected” by the trans contagion. There’s no space we can belong in. No space that tries to make us feel welcome because either they treat us like women or they treat us like dangerous, cis men.

Every trans man I know has been sexually assaulted. Every trans man I know has been brought to suicide attempts, either due to their families or due to people online bullying them to death. Our struggles are constantly diminished and yet behind the scenes we’re fucking exhausted from fighting attacks from every single goddamn side. How fucking dare you call us weak. We’re going through fucking hell like every other goddamn trans person out there and our bodies are being abused and controlled and scrutinised every day of our fucking lives. Have you seen how TERFs talk about our bodies? How they lament us “mutilating” our breasts, our fertility, our anatomy, all in the name of feminism. That’s sexual fucking harassment, and it’s disgusting. But that’s all they fucking see us as. We’re not human, we’re just defected specimens. Cis women give themselves free passes to harass our bodies because they see us as “one of them”. One of them, but wrong. One of them, but need to be fixed. My mother regularly checks my chest to make sure I’m not trying to flatten it, and she can get away with it because “that’s what mothers do to their daughters.” Even when I’m not her daughter. Even when I’m screaming at the top of my lungs wanting to die because my body doesn’t belong to me. My body stopped belonging to me as soon as I came out as trans, because female empowerment doesn’t apply to me anymore. Female empowerment is now about “correcting” me, to restore my body back to its former glory, because only then was I worth something.

We are not weak. We are strong as fuck for dealing with the shit we have to deal with. And the worst part is, so much of the bullying comes from other trans men. We’ve been taught to hate ourselves so much that the only way to get ahead is to put down our own brothers and treat them in the way we’ve been treated.

There is no weak link of the community because we’re all dealing with absolute shit from all sides, but don’t you ever suggest that trans men are somehow the whiny babies who have nothing to complain about when we’re constantly holding back from screaming our guts out because there’s nothing else we can do.

Nonbinary music!!! ☆

(mainly masc nonbinary) • Alternative Masculinities by Sapphic Lasers • Dead Name by Sapphic Lasers • Burn Masculinity by The Spook School • Binary by The Spook School • Favourite Son by Gully Boys • Gender Binary by Ryan Cassata