Quick Editing Tip: Passing Time

Quick editing tip: Passing time

Hey all, here’s a quick tip about showing the passage of short amounts of time in a scene. I see a lot of beats like this:

She hesitated

He paused

A few seconds later

There was a long silence

He waited for her to answer

She didn’t respond

Instead of telling us there’s a brief moment of silence or pause in your scene, try showing us by creating the feeling that time has passed through action, description, or inner monologue. Here are a few examples.

Before:

“Are you coming or not?”

He waited for her to answer, but she didn’t respond.

“Clare? Did you hear me?”

“Huh?”

After:

“Are you coming or not?”

Clare scrolled through her phone, her face illuminating with a eerie blue glow.

“Clare? Did you hear me?”

“Huh?”

Before:

Jared lingered at the suspect’s front gate. If this guy didn’t answer Jared’s questions, he was screwed.

“Hey you!” a voice shouted. “Get off my property!”

Jared hesitated. Finally, he turned to face the man. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

After:

Jared lingered at the suspect’s front gate. If this guy didn’t answer Jared’s questions, he was screwed.

“Hey you!” a voice shouted. “Get off my property!”

Jared patted his holster. He had a gun, but he certainly didn’t want to use it. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the man. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Not only does creating a pause instead of describing a pause allow your reader to feel the moment more vividly, it gives you a chance to explain what exactly that pause is about. People hesitate, pause, don’t respond, etc. for all kinds of reasons. Give us as much insight as you can into your weird quiet moment.

Of course, you don’t need to do this every single time. Sometimes it’s fine to say “he paused” or “the room was quiet for a moment”—it could be the best choice for that scene. But look back through your draft and see if you’ve used those “telling” descriptions more often than you needed to. If so, try to create the feeling of a pause—perhaps one that gives the reader a bit more information—using these techniques.

Hope this helps!

More Posts from Superherosweet and Others

6 years ago

fun ideas for things to do for fun that are free:

- Play “don’t let the balloon hit the floor” with multiple balloons while at the same time playing “the carpet is lava”

- play hide-and seek in a mall or large public place

- dress up in elaborate costumes to do normal things like go to walmart

- play hide-and-seek or something in walmart without getting kicked out

- get on youtube with friends and try to learn a new talent like juggling or dancing or something

- look at the ingredients in the house and google what you can bake with them

- go to a park you’ve never been to before and walk around like you’re an adventurer discovering everything (“I do say! This here looks like a leaf! What an interesting specimen!”)

- just go to a park in general. I mean, they got slides and swings and crap. Get all over that (but don’t be a jerk. kids are awesome. let them play first).

- dig up toys/games from when you were a kid. Try to play Nintendo 64 games on your hi-def TV. Feel yourself get cut by the sharp, pointy pixels. 

- make a super tacky music video to a song that you thought was super cool when you were in middle school

- draw with chalk, blow bubbles, jump rope, ride your bike around your neighborhood

in general, just stop pretending you’re too cool to do the fun stuff you did when you were 10. 10-year-olds don’t have money to spend on entertainment, and yet I notice that they have more fun than anybody. Have an awesome summer, everybody.

6 years ago

My First Try!! :)

Thanks for the prompt @grab-an-idea!

Prompt: “Who are you? Show yourself!”

The job had gone wrong. It was supposed to be a small break-in. Get in, grab the artifact and leave. They had practiced it multiple times, and it had gone flawlessly. It all went wrong when they did it for real.

They had found the window, gotten into the house, and found the artifact. Or where it should have been.

“Where is it?” Chief whispered. “We’ve been watching this house for days, and no one has touched it.”

“What do we do now?” Clara asked. “Do we leave or look for it?”

Chief paced back and forth fiddling with his hair. 

“Chief what do we-”

“Shh, I’m thinking.”

Clara nodded and sat down on the floor. Chief kept pacing, switching between fiddling with his hair and his belt.

Clara sat for what felt like hours before Chief stopped pacing.

“Did you hear that?”

Clara stood up. “Hear what?”

Chief didn’t respond, and they both fell silent again. The faint sound of footsteps echoed down the hall. 

“We have to go. Now.” Chief grabbed Clara’s arm and took off running. They retraced their steps through the house.

Once they got to the window, both out of breath, they stopped. 

“What’s going on? Who is that?” Clara knelt breathing heavily.

Chief, still holding onto her arm, pulled her up. “We have to get out of here. I’ll explain later.” 

Clara nodded and opened the window. Chief let go of her arm, and she crawled out. Chief crawled out after her, and they both climbed down to the backyard. 

Chief pointed to the forest that surrounded the house, Clara nodded, and they took off running.

“Clara go to the right. I’ll go to the left.”

“Why? Shouldn’t we stay together?”

“They want me. You’ll be safer if we split up.”

“Who are-“ Clara stopped. She didn’t want to leave Chief’s side he had helped her through so much, finding her on the street after her parents died and raising her like she was one of his own. Tears started to fill her eyes.

Chief grabbed her by the shoulders. “I will see you at home. I promise. I will not abandon you.” 

Chief pulled her into a hug and wiped the tears from her eyes. Chief let go of her and took off running. Clara wiped her hands on her pants and ran in the opposite direction. 

Clara’s lungs started to ache. Not being able to run anymore she sat down on a nearby log. She closed her eyes and focused on getting air back into her lungs.

Who was chasing them? The family that lives in the house was out of town for another week. They would have seen the family car outside and would have called the job off. 

Where was the artifact? It was their ticket out of the city. Chief promised Clara that they would move to the country and live a normal life. 

Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of approaching footsteps. She jumped to her feet. “Who are you? Show yourself!” 

The footsteps stopped. Clara cautiously took a step towards the sound. She saw a large shadow standing in the distance. “Chief is that you?” 

“Nope.” A gruff voice said. The figure started to run towards her.

She yelped and ran. The footsteps were getting closer. Clara, ignoring her screaming lungs, kept pushing forward. 

She wanted Chief to be with her. He said that this guy would go after him, not her. She closed her eyes for a second pushing back the tears that were forming in her eyes. She opened her eyes and jumped over a log. She almost cleared it, but her back foot caught the edge, and she fell hard on her stomach. 

She curled into a ball and tried to get her breath back. The footsteps got closer and closer until she could see black boots standing right in front of her.

“You must be the new sidekick.” A rough hand grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her feet until she was face to face with him. 

“Who are you?” Clara clawed at the hand holding her hair. 

“I was the last sidekick. Until he found you and pushed me aside, now I’m going to make him pay. I thought the artifact would be enough until I saw you.” His lips parted into a wide smile. “We are going to have so much fun.” 

5 years ago

“Glitched”: An Antisepticeye horror fanfiction

image

SUMMARY of “Glitched”:

“Glitched” is centered around August 3rd - when “Kill Jacksepticeye” happened. In October of 2016, Antisepticeye decided to show himself and get our attention. He gained control of Jack and from then onward, has been in control. However, as the months go by, our glitching creation begins to notice the change in the community. With each month, he becomes convinced that we, the community, are to blame for everything - we are the true villains - and Anti will do whatever he can to prove it to not only Jack, the egos, and himself but to us as well. His creators have unknowingly created a monster, and that monster wants revenge.

WARNING: The story is incredibly dark and heavy on the angst, as well as the horror and gore. This is NOT a happy, fun-times story - there is absolutely nothing cheerful or lighthearted. There are numerous moments of characters experiencing moments of despair, desperation, trauma, torture (both physically and mentally), and heartbreak. There are strong themes of abnormal body horror, torture, murder, insanity, and the loss of morality and control over one’s actions. Some chapters contain gore and graphic, detailed descriptions of surgical operations being performed (which I have bolded below), which increasingly get worse over the duration of the story. In a few later chapters, there are mentions of cyber bullying, self-harm, suicide, child murder, and cannibalism. You have been warned.

I do plan to write a sequel to this once it’s done - the last chapter will be left open for that reason. The sequel, I have decided, will be called “Anti/social” and while “Glitched” is more focused on Anti, “Anti/social” will focus more on Jack and take place a week or two after the events of “Glitched”. I’m just letting you all know in advance.

There are about 4 chapters left of the story, so I’ll update this post every time I post a new chapter.

Enjoy everyone! :)

Broken

Save Him

A Storm is Coming

Glitch in the System

Say Goodbye

Stitched Together

Patience

Ze Good Doctah

No Strings Attached

Always Watching

In Your Head 

Soon

Home 

You’ve Waited A Long Time

Good Puppet

Curious I See

Do You Really Like Him That Much?

The Secret Behind the Door

Blood On Your Hands

Coming soon…

Coming soon…

Coming soon…

Coming soon…

Coming soon…

6 years ago

So that was an interesting 4 minutes of a staring contest

What I liked about it was the subtlety, cuz we’re used to somewhat spotable things right? But This was all character and expression work

I mean look at this

So That Was An Interesting 4 Minutes Of A Staring Contest

That change from kinda nice, a small twitch and then we have a not so nice boi looking at us. If that’s not amazing idk what it.

Cuz nothing indicated a change in character apart from that twitch. And like clockwork we immediately knew what was going on, at this point were trained to know on sight what’s going on.

And his words to us, telling us we HAVE to know what happens, WE have to watch to the end. Not because he wants us to, but because we need to see what happens. He’s got us figured out too, and that means we ain’t in control like we think.

We may think we are, but then again if a puppet can’t see the strings it wouldn’t know it was a puppet…

6 years ago

Um I'm dying this is beautiful and haunting!

I love it!!

14 - 12 - 15 | A Or B?
14 - 12 - 15 | A Or B?
14 - 12 - 15 | A Or B?

14 - 12 - 15 | A or B?

7 years ago

Batfam + table manner/eating habits headcanons

BRUCE WAYNE-

In public, Bruce is extremely well-mannered and classy when he eats, even going as far as to use the correct spoons and forks for what he’s eating. At the dinner table at home, he’s still pretty neat, eats politely. Down in the cave he just devours his snacks because Batman is gritty and also very extra.

DICK GRAYSON-

Follows the etiquette fairly well, as far as the others know. Eats in reasonable portions, if a little fast. Saves the class for events, dates, and family meals. Can otherwise be found slumped over at the breakfast table shoveling cereal into his mouth with milk dripping down chin.

BARBARA GORDON-

Doesn’t put much thought into how she eats. Dignified, never really messy. Big snacker, small eater. Very aware of what foods are too messy to eat in public without an accident, chooses her foods/serving sizes related to where she is/who she’s with. Likes to eat her sides before her main course.

JASON TODD-

Can actually be as well-mannered as Dick, contrary to what others might (annoyingly) think. Eats large portions at once, and eats them quicker than most (which Bruce suspects might be a habit from before he took him in, when he had to eat what he could when he could). Keeps napkins on hand always. Only really eats messily when trying to annoy/embarrass Bruce or when exhausted.

TIM DRAKE-

Raised to be, of course, very classy, neat, put-together, the absolute picture of etiquette. Puts on exactly that illusion when in public. When he’s alone, this boy is a mess just because he doesn’t care. Eats without really focusing on eating, which leads to a few messes. Will eat with any silverware that’s available, once ate his soup with a fork. Picks at his food a lot, doesn’t always finish his food.

CASSANDRA CAIN-

Eats very politely, if a little slowly. Sometimes hesitates before taking a second serving. Takes small bites but finishes her plate. Doesn’t use the “proper” silverware, really enjoys sporks. Wipes mouth every few bites even if what she’s eating isn’t messy.

STEPHANIE BROWN-

Gives no shits. Eats how she feels like eating. Will eat pie for breakfast and eggs and bacon for a snack. Is fairly neat with her eating in public and at the manor unless Tim says something, then she will purposefully eat everything with her hands and then chug his drink.

DAMIAN WAYNE-

Little Bruce. A bit more dignified in private than Bruce is, though. Very classy. Does, however, eat a LOT. More than any of his siblings, because he’s growing, and because nobody else eats the food Alfred cooks for him because there’s no meat. Takes his time eating. May occasionally talk with his mouth full before correcting himself.

DUKE THOMAS

Average table manners and eating habits. Tries to make conversation during meals, always clears his plate. The person who drinks soup straight from the bowl and will eat cereal out of a cup. Never talks with his mouth open, will make you wait a good minute for a response while he is chewing. Spills things on occasion and makes sure Alfred isn’t around before muttering a few curses.

6 years ago

Ruby Pt. 2

Ruby Pt. 2

Prompt: Slammed into a Wall

Fandom: Original Work

@badthingshappenbingo

Part 1

Ruby was woken up by being slammed against a wall. Still groggy, she opened her eyes.

“W-where am I?” She mumbled glancing around the room. Her eyes, still adjusting, could only see the arm that was pushing her against the wall.

The muscular arm held her by the front of her sweatshirt. A familiar laugh echoed in her mind.

That’s right. Something had happened in an alleyway. Some goon, no someone else, had pinned her down. How was he able to do that? She should have been able to fight him and get away, but something happened.

She grabbed his hand and pulled at it.

“Let me go.” She muttered weakly.

He just let out another laugh. He raised his free hand, and Ruby could feel something cold wrap around her neck. He then let her go, and she collapsed to the floor.

With her vision becoming more clear she glanced around the room again. It looked like a gym, with a climbing rope in the corner and mats lining the walls.

Ruby got to her feet and looked the man in the eyes.

“Who are you? And what is this?” She said pointing at her neck.

The man looked intrigued. “You really don’t remember me?”

“I wouldn’t be asking you if I did.”

He let out a huge sigh. “I am who created you. You only have your powers because of me.”

“I don’t remember you,” Ruby repeated. “I don’t remember getting my powers. I just remember walking to school, and waking up a week later.”

“That’s good.” He said with a large smile. “That was what we wanted to happen.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Who are you?”

He let out his familiar laugh. “My name is Mick, but you called me Doctor Myers.”

Ruby stepped back shocked. That name was so familiar. It filled her with fear, and she remembered many nightmares containing that name.

“What did you do to me?”

“It doesn’t matter what I did. The only thing that matters is what I am going to get you to do. Starting right now. Your powers are good, but they can become better. I understand that you like to run up walls, but you could do something stronger. We have tests and experiments set up that will get you to that point.”

Ruby took a step back as he kept rambling on about the tests and experiments.

“I’m not doing any of that.” She said interrupting him.

Doctor Myers smiled at her. “You do not have a choice.” He pulled out a remote from his pocket and pressed a button.

A sharp pain erupted in her neck. She stumbled forward as her vision started to go blurry.

“What is this?” She asked sitting down on the floor.

Doctor Myers stepped forward. “Let’s just call it an obedience collar. If you don’t cooperate then the punishments will get worse. So I would learn how to obey.”

He stepped closer just as her vision went dark. Again.

2 years ago

Writing Prompt #1959

"I'm done playing nice, little heroes." The villain straightened his back, and wiped the blood from his lip. "So this is your final warning; turn around, go home, and let me finish my business."

6 years ago

in 2019 we will love and respect Robin and his incredible work and not use him as a Jacksepticeye Answer Box.

in 2019 we will stop pestering Robin about ego content because he is more than just The Egos.

in 2019 we will respect Robin and treat him as more than just Jacksepticeye’s Editor.

in 2019 we will give Robin more love and credit for the incredible amount of love and time he dedicates into creating amazing content for this community. we will appreciate him for who he is as a separate person and creator. we will show him that we are here for him and not just because he is associated with Jack.

thank you.

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superherosweet - Superhero Sweetheart!
Superhero Sweetheart!

A collection of whatever I want to reblog :) Main blog of @random-writing-thoughts 😊😊

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