— What Is Your Problem? — Who Knows, I Have So Many.

https://youtu.be/uY6dWKpq1Sw

I am troubled and harsh and hopeless. Though I have love inside me. But I don’t know how to use love. Sometimes it scratches like barbs.

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Elizabeth Lowe, from Água Viva / The Stream of Life (via violentwavesofemotion)

Tate McAllister moodboard 001

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” - Norman Cousins

If only hell didn’t feel like home.

intpthinkinginquiet  (via wordsnquotes)

beautifulburnout:

Jonny hands tucked into his pockets and he hummed in thought. He could see the tiredness in Tate’s eyes and when it came to munchies Jonny wasn’t choosy away. He just gave a grin and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah man, I’m good with pizza. And if that’s not enough I’m sure I have enough junk in the house to get us by.” He took a couple steps and paused. “Don’t worry it’s a short walk.” After a couple short blocks they arrived at Jonny’s (and Pono’s) place and he pushed in through the gate rather than using the front door. The backyard was huge. The soft bubbling of the pond seemed to erase all outside sound. It was surrounded in plants, there was a turtle enjoying a leafy veggie and a dog sunning himself on the deck. He hopped up and ran towards them on three legs and came to sniff at Tate’s feet. “We can chill on the deck. What do you like on your pizza by the way?”

Tate nodded in response to Jonny, staying silent the rest of the way to his place. He was tired and he really wanted to sleep, but he knew that even if he tried a nap wouldn’t last long. He had given up on naps a while ago. When they arrived and went into the backyard, Tate could already feel himself relax a bit due to the surroundings. He had only been in the backyard a handful of times, but it only took one time to understand why Jonny and Pono liked it there so much. It was tranquil and quiet compared to the rest of Vegas. In fact, it felt like he had left Vegas and gone to a peaceful island somewhere. When he was greeted by Jonny’s tripod dog, a small smile formed on his face and he reached down to let him sniff his hand before scratching the top of his head. Tate nodded when Jonny spoke up again and started towards the deck, thinking for a moment before he responded. “Honestly, I’ll eat anything. But it’s the best when there’s a lot of cheese. So a lot of cheese and whatever you want, man. I’m not picky when it comes to pizza.” He replied with a shrug before taking a seat on one of the chairs on the deck, letting out a soft sigh.

It was early, even for Tate. But after another night of restless sleep he thought maybe some food would take his mind off things and help him relax a little bit. So he sat at his favorite twenty-four hour diner, pushing the food around on his plate with his fork absentmindedly more than he was actually eating any of it. He had a million things on his mind since he had gotten back home three months ago. Losing his mother, his injury, the end of his career in the marines --- it was all a lot for him to handle in a short amount of time. Rubbing his sleep filled eyes he could hear someone approach him, and just assumed it was his waitress checking in on him for the one hundredth time since he had sat down forty-five minutes ago. “Just another cup of coffee, please.” He muttered.

theprodigalsoldier:

jaxon tucked his hands into his leather jacket, a Marlboro Red cigarette hanging from his lips, as he waited for tate outside McCormick’s. the text and the request came somewhat as a surprise to him, especially considering tate’s history. he’d always regarded the man as a serial monogamist. and he was pretty sure tate agreed. after the heartbreak of his high school sweetheart that dear john’d him, tate hadn’t ever been interested in going out to bars with jax. but now… he was. jax was trying to be optimistic about the night, rather than worried about what it really meant that tate was going out just to get laid. 

“ hey, man, ” jax smirked, taking the cigarette from his mouth and reaching out to grasp tate’s hand. “ want a cigarette? ” he offered, wanting to feel out tate’s vibe before they headed in. 

@tatemcallisterr

Was Tate maybe a little too intoxicated for his own good? Now that he was on his way to meet Jaxon at the bar, he was realizing that he was very, very much too intoxicated for his own good. In the past, Tate had never been one for hookups. But everything in his life was shit right now and dammit, he wanted to get laid. Is that such a crime? He shouldn’t have to explain himself. Every other guy on earth goes out to bars and meets women only to spend one night with them. Deep down he knew this wasn’t him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about much of anything anymore.

“Hey!” Tate dragged out his greeting, a small smile on his face as he slapped his hand against Jaxon’s instead of shaking it like a normal, sober person. Nodding in response to his friend’s offer, he smiled. “I would love one.” He held out his hand.