It Hurts To Fake A Smile, But I Do It Anyway To Prove That I’m Stronger Than I Really Am. To Prove

—  a court of mist and fury, sarah j. maas

theprodigalsoldier:

they’d been through a lot together— overseas, fighting side by side, and abroad, fighting each other. but after years, and months of trying to repair things, tate was coming around, and their friendship had slowly started to rebuild. thank fucking god. jaxon folded his arms on the tabletop, giving tate a quick once over. he knew the look well. on tate, on himself, on other veteran friends. it worried him. but even more, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to help.  “ she looks much better in a skirt than me, i can promise you that, ” he teased gently, trying to fight the sympathy from his smile. tate didn’t need that.  “ couldn’t sleep, because…— ” he trailed off, but the tension in his expression spoke enough. it was the reason jaxon worked graveyard. those nightmares were easier for him to deal with when he slept during the day. but he knew tate’s nightmares manifested worse than his did.  “ does anything help? ” 

as much as tate hated to admit it, jaxon knew him better than probably anyone else on earth. they had been through a lot together throughout their friendship, quite a bit more than a normal friendship could handle. tate knew that jaxon had been through and still dealt with some of the same things he was currently going through, maybe not as intensely but still. he knew it was why jaxon preferred to work at night and sleep during the day. even when tate tried to sleep during the day he was jolted awake by the nightmares. finally setting his fork down he rested his elbows on the table and let out a heavy sigh as his gaze met jaxon’s. “because every time damn i close my eyes i’m back over there. except it’s fucking worse.” he shook his head, putting his head in his hands. it made him angry when he thought about it --- it made him feel weak and god, he hated feeling weak. “alcohol helps. i’m not supposed to be drinking though.” 

bathtub / the front bottoms

theprodigalsoldier:

while there was a large part of him that still really enjoyed fighting… he didn’t enjoy getting “caught”. but he could breathe easy, and his thoughts didn’t feel unmanageable. with all of that, it was hard to regret the decisions he made and the actions he’d carried out. despite the bleeding. jaxon scoffed at tate’s comment, licking at his split lip and screwing the cap back onto his flask.  “ some think th’ blood makes me look tough, ” he shrugged. “ and girls jus’ wanna patch me up. so. ” he chuckled dryly, sitting up a little straighter despite the ache soreness in his shoulders. “ supposed to. and yer not supposed t’ be drinkin’. yet here we are, ” he pointed at, offering up his flask to tate.  “ will it help if i tell you th’ guy was a creep? ”

Tate could understand why Jaxon fought. He probably got about the same feeling Tate did when he got into an occasional bar fight. Relief. Although Tate didn’t have nearly as much to lose as Jaxon --- his job, for one. He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “Or dumb.” He didn’t mean to say that out loud, but it was too late now. He was definitely drunk already. “Maybe I should get in fights more often.” He joked, leaning back on the bench and letting out a heavy sigh at the mention of the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be drinking. “Fair enough.” He shrugged, accepting the flask from Jaxon and unscrewing it. “Sure, I guess.” Tate paused. “I’m the last person who can judge you, man. Fight whoever you want, it’s your face.”

You can never explain how painful it is to say goodbye to someone you love.

3 am thoughts (via suspend)

hiccupbuddies:

Liam Hemsworth surfing (x)