You can never explain how painful it is to say goodbye to someone you love.
3 am thoughts (via suspend)
theprodigalsoldier:
jaxon tucked his hands into his leather jacket, a Marlboro Red cigarette hanging from his lips, as he waited for tate outside McCormick’s. the text and the request came somewhat as a surprise to him, especially considering tate’s history. he’d always regarded the man as a serial monogamist. and he was pretty sure tate agreed. after the heartbreak of his high school sweetheart that dear john’d him, tate hadn’t ever been interested in going out to bars with jax. but now… he was. jax was trying to be optimistic about the night, rather than worried about what it really meant that tate was going out just to get laid.
“ hey, man, ” jax smirked, taking the cigarette from his mouth and reaching out to grasp tate’s hand. “ want a cigarette? ” he offered, wanting to feel out tate’s vibe before they headed in.
@tatemcallisterr
Was Tate maybe a little too intoxicated for his own good? Now that he was on his way to meet Jaxon at the bar, he was realizing that he was very, very much too intoxicated for his own good. In the past, Tate had never been one for hookups. But everything in his life was shit right now and dammit, he wanted to get laid. Is that such a crime? He shouldn’t have to explain himself. Every other guy on earth goes out to bars and meets women only to spend one night with them. Deep down he knew this wasn’t him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about much of anything anymore.
“Hey!” Tate dragged out his greeting, a small smile on his face as he slapped his hand against Jaxon’s instead of shaking it like a normal, sober person. Nodding in response to his friend’s offer, he smiled. “I would love one.” He held out his hand.
shvdykiid:
“Fuck– I’m really sorry and hopefully it’s not broken?” He spoke with a sheepish tone.
[ @tatemcallisterr· ] liked this for an intro starter.
“Fucking hell --- “ Tate cursed, picking up his phone and inspecting it for damage. “The screen is broken. Piece of shit phone can’t even take one fall.”
dannie: ha. i feel that.
dannie: not much changes for me in terms of that shit.
dannie: were you around for that crazy storm?
tate: i don't blame you for that.
tate: yeah, i was. i walked around in it for a few hours. until jaxon found me, then he made me go inside.
he can’t outrun the sentiments that poison his body. they make him sick, vulnerable, w e a k. they rot him inside-out.
( && )
how do you heal from such internal damage? in reality, he knows he can’t. ——— but there’s no way he’ll be eaten alive by his own conscience.
he resorts to drugs, to alcohol. to the numbness it gives him no matter how temporary.
I scrub and scrub until my body bleeds, convince myself I'm coming clean, forget and ignore who I used to be. That kid is never coming back.
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