Those who are heartless once cared too much.
Unknown (via wordsnquotes)
beautifulburnout:
The fact that Tate was having a hard time lately wasn’t news to Jonny, but it was still hard to see his friend like this. He knew that he was lost right now, a feeling Jonny knew all too well. He didn’t totally understand what Tate was going through but at least he could be here for him. Maybe even bring a spark back to him, even if it did involve annoying him slightly.Jonny finished the toast and folded his hands on the table as he looked across at Tate. He could see how warn he was and he had to wonder when he last got a good night of sleep. “Yeah I guess not.” He didn’t want to mention how it looked like Tate could use a good meal because he knew that this could be a delicate situation but he did want to encourage him to eat something. “I know something that would make you hungry, “he gave the man across from him a little smirk as he took a sip of the hot coffee brought to him. He shrugged at Tate’s comment, not at all concerned about himself. “Yeah insomnia is a bitch but it ain’t nothing new for me…” He set the coffee down and grabbed about 8 sugar packets and started dumping them in one by one. “I could say the same about you though. Get up early not to eat?”
A full night’s sleep was something Tate couldn’t even remember. Whether he was jolted awake by his dreams or he just had incredible insomnia, five or six hours was considered a good night’s sleep in his eyes. He had a feeling that next time he went to see his doctor for a checkup she would have something to say about his current state. He was also sure that Jonny had a few things he wanted to say to him about how he looked, but he wouldn’t actually say them. Part of him was glad for that and the other part of him was annoyed that not only Jonny, but most of his friends were treating him so delicately. But honestly he didn’t want to hear them lecture him on what he needed to do anyways, so he should really be grateful. Tate took another sip of his coffee, holding the warm cup in his hands. Arching his brow at Jonny’s statement he could only imagine what that meant. “Yeah? What is it?” He asked, genuinely curious about what he had in mind. Shaking his head as he watched Jonny pour an endless amount of sugar into his coffee he held back a snide comment about the ratio of sugar to coffee in his cup. Letting out a soft sight he shrugged. “I just couldn’t sleep. Which is a pretty normal thing for me these days.”
dannie: hey, look, i know things are hard right now but they will get better. they just have to, right?
dannie: oh, y'know, just staying bitter and angry about the state of the world and the shitfuckers living in it. nothing too new.
tate: i don't see how they could get much worse at this point. but knowing my luck i wouldn't doubt that they will get worse.
tate: good shit. i'm glad at least some things have stayed the same since i've been gone.
theprodigalsoldier:
jaxon sighed at tate’s response— it was the one he expected. and feared. it seemed like no one left the war whole. physically, mentally, emotionally. they were all tainted and damaged, and nightmares fucked with sleep and sanity in a very special way. he wished he had an answer for tate. a way to help make them go away, or even ease them slightly. but fuck… he’d been searching for that answer for two years and had come up with very little. “ hey, man. it’s alright. don’t think i’ve ever met a soldier that didn’t have nightmares. yer not alone there, ” he offered quietly, intimately familiar with feeling weak or broken for struggling like this. fuck, he still felt like that a lot. but it helped… knowing his brothers felt like it too. “ why aren’t you supposed to be drinkin’? i thought you were all healed up. ”
It was hard to talk about, even with someone like Jaxon who could relate so strongly to what he was going through. That was a big reason Tate kept insisting he didn’t need to see a therapist or go to any support groups. Talking about things had never helped him deal with them anyways. “I know it’ll probably never go away completely ---- I just wish it would get better. I’m fucking tired.” Tate knew he wasn’t the first person to go to war and come back having nightmares about it, and he certainly wouldn’t be the last. But when he wakes up at night, alone, in an empty house, it’s hard not to feel isolated. “I am for the most part. Doc just found some problems with my liver when they were doing blood tests. It’s not a big deal.” At least that’s what his doctor had told him, it wouldn’t be a big deal as long as he didn’t drink so often. Which was proving difficult when it was his go-to coping mechanism.
I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth
Ophelia, Act IV, Scene V (via sumiremiu)
I scrub and scrub until my body bleeds, convince myself I'm coming clean, forget and ignore who I used to be. That kid is never coming back.
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