Theprodigalsoldier-blog - ♠ Attente Tourmente ♠

✉ OBVIOUSLY

Jaxon, It’s been a long time since I wrote a real letter and it’s funny when I actually sit down to do this I know that I’m not going to send it. I think this is more for me to figure my own shit out but it helps thinking of it like I’m talking to you. Talking to you always helped. Kinda sucks that I can’t do that now.It was crazy running into you after all these years. Not as crazy as it was for you, though. Honestly when you saw me I thought you might throw up. And you really wonder why I’d think you hate me? Yeah it wasn’t just all the shit that happened, Jax. It’s the shit that’s going on now too. 10 years and somehow it feels like shit has gotten more complicated. Isn’t stepping away from the situation supposed to make it easier? I dunno. Doesn’t seem like time did us any favors, huh?I wish that I could talk to you. I don’t mean just like, text you. I mean really talk to you. Remember when we were kids and we’d tell each other everything? Seems a lot harder now. I wonder if that’s because we got older or if it’s because of what happened. I know you don’t totally blame me for that. I get it. We both made mistakes but fuck, Jax. It still feels like I’m trying to figure out what really went wrong. I know that I had my head up my ass back then but I’m still lost. And my best friend isn’t helping either. Asking me if I wanted to suck your dick only made things soooo much more complicated in my head. Mostly because I know that I was lying to myself when I said no. Do you remember that time we made out? We were really drunk. We never talked about it but…I thought about it. More than once. I figured you thought it was a mistake and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that. Or I didn’t want to have to deal with losing you if things got complicated. Well, shit couldn’t get more complicated could it?And this letter isn’t clearing anything up for me. Not besides knowing that I do want you. And now I have to wonder exactly what makes shit so awkward between us now. Is it our past….or is it the question of what lies ahead? Ha god. I feel like I’m in high school all over again. We really…really just gotta talk. I just hope you don’t hate me after we do. -Jay

tylerbeyond:

“you are a buzzkill, but―” tyler threw his arms wide, “happy birthday! ya big jerk!” he gave jaxon a one armed hug. “whatever, i’m glad you’re still around. mostly for the cupcakes, though,” he teased, bumping jaxon’s shoulder with his own. “eh, my grandfather’s a bastard. hates my guts, thinks i’m a fuck up, whooped my ass way back when.” he licked off the last of the icing on one cupcake, then took a bite out of it. “dunno why mom keeps trying. i’ll be nice when he’s nice.” actually, since he lived on the other side of the country now, he mostly just ignored his grandfather. it seemed to suit everyone just fine, except, apparently, his mom. “got any plans?”

as grumpy as his birthday made him, there was only so much scowling he could hang onto when tyler was beaming at him like that and squeezing around his shoulders. tyler was good like that. and jax relinquished a small smile in exchange.  “ yeah, man. thanks, ” jaxon murmured in response, returning the half-hug. as tyler spoke and explained, jax played with a swipe of icing between his fingers. “ wait, thinks yer a fuck up? how? yer in a signed band. that doesn’t sound like a fuck up to me. i’m with you, man. fuck that guy. my father was shitty like that too. and hell no, ” jax shook his head, licking his fingers clean of icing.  “ not really. havin’ dinner with the family. maybe i’ll go out for a drink. but i’m workin’ in the morning. so i can’t get too crazy. what’re you doin’ tonight, rockstar? ”

Kellan Lutz in Geoffrey Beene Spring Summer 2017 Campaign

tatemcallisterr:

Tate should not be out, let alone going to a bar but at this point he didn’t care. He’d run out of alcohol in his house and his favorite liquor store wasn’t open this late ironically. In hind’s sight, drinking the last of the whiskey in his house probably should have been a sign to just stop drinking. But two glasses wasn’t nearly enough to get him drunk enough to fall asleep. After getting a combined fifteen hours of sleep the last few days, he thought maybe the only way to fall asleep was to get drunk enough to just pass out. Which deep down he knew was a horrible idea and just an excuse to drink, but that wasn’t the point. As he approached the bar and recognized the figure sitting outside it seemed fate was not going to let him get drunk tonight. “Well, you look like shit.” He spoke up upon getting a closer look at his friend. Taking a seat next to Jaxon he let out a soft sigh. “Aren’t cops supposed to be the ones that break up fights?”

while there was a large part of him that still really enjoyed fighting... he didn’t enjoy getting “caught”. but he could breathe easy, and his thoughts didn’t feel unmanageable. with all of that, it was hard to regret the decisions he made and the actions he’d carried out. despite the bleeding. jaxon scoffed at tate’s comment, licking at his split lip and screwing the cap back onto his flask.  “ some think th’ blood makes me look tough, ” he shrugged. “ and girls jus’ wanna patch me up. so. ” he chuckled dryly, sitting up a little straighter despite the ache soreness in his shoulders. “ supposed to. and yer not supposed t’ be drinkin’. yet here we are, ” he pointed at, offering up his flask to tate.  “ will it help if i tell you th’ guy was a creep? ”

Isabel Lucas and Kellan Lutz on the Gold Coast for the premiere of their new film The Osiris Child.

@tatemcallisterr

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tylerbeyond:

there it was. jaxon had a really nice smile. tyler thought it was a shame he wasn’t showin’ it off on his birthday. “apparently, if i’m not making enough money to support myself and a family in a respectable way, i’m a fuck up,” he shrugged. “we’re doing, like, okay right now? but the label does pay our rent ‘n’ like recording fees and whatever.  but, i don’t give a fuck what he thinks so it don’t matter.” he grinned, wiping some cupcake from his lip with his thumb. “what am i doing tonight? uh, celebrating your birthday, duh. where’re you goin’ for drinks, i’ll join you. unless it’s, like, invite only, or whatever.” he shrugged, then cast him a sly, side-long glance. “then i’m definitely gonna crash it.”

“ so basically he wants you down th’ whole bullshit conservative path of get a good job, start a family, live that button up life? does he even know you? ” jaxon huffed in a shallow chuckle. trying to imagine tyler in a ‘normal’ nine to give job was a lesson in futility. the image honestly just amused, and slightly, disturbed him. “ if someone is payin’ your rent and your bills, enjoy it, ” jax laughed softly. talking to tyler always lightened him up and got him to relax. enough to actually eat the cupcake, apparently.  “ oh yeah. fuck no. yer not invited. why would i want you there? ” jaxon replied, with a sarcastic smirk. honestly, not inviting tyler would probably be the smarter choice. the last time they’d hung out together, they’d ended up fucking wasted and on the roof of the bar. but... it was his birthday. c'est la vie, right? 

#NYFWM Ambassador Kellan is smart  Photo by ckscreativemanagement