It’s Strange Isn’t It. I Love Being Alone But Hate Being Lonely

Choice

They say that the person who cares the least has the power and that must be true. It sucks. The people I care about, I care so deeply for but it’s always more than they care about me. Sometimes I’m the only one reaching.

It may be really selfish but I wish there was someone who would choose me. Someone who cares as much about me as I do for them.

Why I Love Halloween

It’s the one day of the year where you can dress as anything

It’s the one day of the year where you can truly become someone else

it’s the one day of the year where you see other’s creativity and interests

It’s the one day of the year where it’s fun to be scared

And did I mention CANDY!!!!

A Little Happiness

You know sometimes things can feel really bad. Sometimes there doesn’t feel that there’s anything to be happy about. It seems like there’s no one there. But don’t forget to have hope because you never know when someone will send a text and brighten up your day. Just a little piece of happiness

Doubt

I think everyone underestimates just how bad doubt is. Doubt makes you wonder if your friends even care about you. Doubt makes you wonder if your family is annoyed with you. Doubt makes you think you’re not good enough.

It hurts and the source of all that pain is doubt.

Family

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with all my heart but sometimes I just need to get away from them. I feel bad but it’s hard being around anyone all the time. I just need time to recharge.

Oblivious

You ever had the feeling when someone tells you something and it changes the way you thought about something?

Today I visited my grandmother and she asked about a boy I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. She tells me that she thought we would have ended up together because she knew he liked me. She said he always tried to talk to me but I never did. That’s not how I remembered things.

We used to be friendly but I thought he always teased me over everything. He would say things to annoy me but most of the time he just didn’t talk to me as far as I knew. In fact, I thought he didn’t want to be around me. The only thing I could think of that said he might of liked me was when his friend asked me to the dance for him. Actually multiple times over the years, but he always said his friend was joking and he didn’t want to go before I answered.

That’s clear evidence he didn’t like me, right?

She put it in my head though. What if it was true? Am I that oblivious? I watch tv shows all the time and complain how a person can be so oblivious to miss that another character likes them. Am I as bad as that?

For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

Support

Sometimes days are really hard and you feel really sad. When that happens just remember that there are people who love you more than you even know. You may not even realize they’re there but they are. Let them comfort you, let them hold you while you cry, let them support you.

Noticed

I write on tumblr as a way to speak without being noticed personally and it’s nice. I can state honest opinions and preferences. But today one of my favorite authors liked one of my posts and wow just wow! I was so excited and happy! I felt noticed but in a good way.

Loneliness

Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts

Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.

And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.

It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.

It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.