Vent Blog - Blog Posts
How many times I’ve said I love you this week: 5
How many times he has: …
“He didn’t pass as a boy, and he made for a terribly ugly girl.”
fuck.
“You’re such a twink!” no sorry I’m literally just a trans man who doesn’t pass
Me: “okay the day is finally over and I can finally go to sleep”
My brain: “hey what if they drop nukes”
Plan A: transition, marry my bf, get better at writing and turn it into a job
Plan B:
sometimes i wonder why i even bother with writing lol
How the idea of randomly posting a goodbye message and offing myself starts to feel past 12 pm
Realized today that I jsut genuinely do not remember the majority of my childhood (…only stuff I remember is trauma tbh)
Most of the happy shit that I know happened was what I’ve been told happened
Do I have any recollection of that??? Noooo
genuinely what the fuck is the point
“Oh I’m so excited for my friends birthday pool party!”
My arms/shoulders: 😈
when is it my turn to not be exhausted and in pain 24/7 tho
When you sit next to a classmate bc there are no other free seats and they scoot away the second they see you
Like damn I’m sorry I’m so fucking revolting that u can’t even be near me for five minutes
I’m not allowed to go to therapy and i needed a void to scream into so this blog came to be
About me
- he/him
- I’m a minor, nsfw blogs fuck off
- I’m not as emo as i seem (usually)
Asks are open for vents or advice (tho I might not always be able to give it, I’m here if you wanna talk)
There’s gonna some be fucked up stuff on here yall. Have nowhere else to yap abt it.
Gonna tag triggers as best I can but lmk if I miss one ever pls
i wonder who i would be if i kept my hair cut short
i wonder who i'd be if i actually transitioned socially
i wonder if i'd be happier as a boy
i wonder if i stuck to using he/they pronouns i'd feel better
i wonder who he would be if i let them stay
i hate being recorded or having photos taken so having a 5 minute long video of me trying to dance to legally blonde out there for everyone to see is making me want to kms
i've discovered i have a new hidden talent ✨
I can sing and cry at the same time! super cool right?
how do i know this?
well every fucking time i have choir on a bad day i break down mid song and just silently cry my eyes out whilst singing "Video killed the radio star"
every day repeats and nothing gets better
I never feel happier
I'm trapped in an endless cycle of feeling nothing and achieving nothing in my life
Distancing yourself from your friends so it will hurt less when they inevitably leave you <<<<
one of the main things I've noticed is how tired I always am
like last year I could stay up until 3am having fun, doing work and just relaxing
and now I'm desperate to get to sleep
because i prefer being asleep and i'm so fucking tired I can't imagine wanting to stay up to do anything
laying in bed at night knowing she doesn't miss me as much as i miss her
she doesn't cry every night, begging for it to end
she doesn't lash out at everyone around her because she's so upset and angry with the world
she isn't in therapy because we're not friends anymore
She doesn't want me back and she never will
i hate feeling invisible when I'm surrounded by people
it's like i'm not even there, everything I say is ignored
no one notices when i'm trying to talk to them
i wish i actually was invisible at this point
"you've been really quiet recently, what happened? Why don't you talk as much anymore"
maybe because everytime i get excited and start talking to you, you say I'm being too loud, shut up omg, to calm down and "wow you're really talkative aren't you?"
like what do you want from me at this point???
cough cough my ex bestfriend who acts like she's never met me before
i hope you feel like shit without me <3
honestly don't know what to do anymore
feels like every time I talk i just upset my friends or add little to the friendship
but if I don't talk i'll eventually drift away and lose them
sooo wtf do I do?
you when you get those question on like mental health positivity things where it's like, "make a list of people you trust" or "list all the things you like about yourself"
wtf do you actually write
people I trust: my mum? sometimes? maybe?
things i like about myself: my eyes, my...uh teeth???
like that just makes me seem more pathetic than i already am
I wish I was religious
I love the idea of truly believing in something or someone higher than me, having someone to dedicate part of my life to and look to for guidance.
Unfortunately at like age 5 i woke up one day and decided I don't believe in anything except science
but religion can be such a beautiful thing and I wish i could push myself to actually believe in anything