Jason Todd, But Australian

Who is gonna tell him?

The Watchtower Office

Bruce Wayne/Batman : Jordan you’re going to have to stay late again. You misfiled your case from this week. If it’s not properly filed, it can’t properly be compensated by the government.

Hal: what? No it’s Friday!

Bruce: file it correctly next time. Also Monday we’re having a safety drill at 7 am sharp

Hal: for what?

Bruce: Uhh *checks clipboard* tornadoes *walks off*

Hal: why? We literally have a member who’s powers are tornadoes!

—————————

Barry: I hate staff meetings. That’s why I always volunteer to clean the office kitchen to avoid them. But sometimes, I wonder if I need hazard pay. Some of this stuff is literally glowing and if I didn’t have super speed, J’Onn’s lunch would have actually exploded in my face. It might be radioactive. The fridge is haunted.

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Clark: and that’s why I can’t miss Haybale day in Smallville. It’s a Kent family tradition. It’s also when we propagate turnips.

Bruce: *sigh* how many holidays can smallville have?

Clark: 43. Not counting loamy soil week.

—————————

Diana: I finally left Bruce take me on a date. He solved 3 murders.

—————————

Bruce: I went on a mission with Diana. She’s very affectionate to teammates. I’ll add that to her file. But the mission was a success and we closed 3 cases in one evening.

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Kyle Rayner/ Green Lantern: I caught Aquaman eating salt straight from the shaker at 3 am. He then went for jog. Is that an Atlantean thing?

—————————

Clark: Bruce talks about professionalism but yesterday he flipped me off under his cape so…

Clark: actually I just realized that was one of his kids.

Clark: under the cape….

———————

Oliver Queen/ Green Arrow: I’m in love with Dinah but how do I even ask her out?

Hal: just do it. Go out with me?

Oliver: *very loud across the office* DINAH, GO OUT WITH ME?

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Diana: I would never tell Bruce but he got the flu once and Nightwing took over for a whole week and honestly it was nice. We did mani-pedis after missions.

———————

J’Onn J’Onns/ Martian Manhunter: I think I understand the human mating patterns. The 4th season of 90 day fiancé is quite enlightening.

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Bring your kid to work day

Tim Drake/Robin: I’ve come to a hypothesis. I am in love with Superboy. But not Superman. Thus, I must be attracted to his Lex Luthor genes

(At same time)

Superman: hu

Batman: no

Kon Kent/Superboy: can we circle back to the love thing?

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Another bring your kid to work day

Damian Wayne/ Robin: I have studied the patterns of Superman and Batman and have come to a conclusion that there is a sexual attraction between bat people and kryptonians. As you can see in this chart. Bruce and Clark, Jason and Kara, Tim and Kon, and…

Jon Kent/ Superboy: I will pay you to keep speaking

Bruce: I deny those allegations

Damian: denied. Too much substantiative proof

Hal: I thought this meeting was on safety

Barry: agreed. But now I’m invested and want to see how it turns out.

Hal: same

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Jason Todd/Red Hood/Former Robin: as you can see in this chart, villains use swear words at a much higher percentage than heroes. In conclusion, I must be a villain.

Bruce: and that’s the last presentation for bring your kid to work day. Thank you

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Unnamed justice league personnel: *bored tone* this is a sexual harassment seminar to educate you on types and prevention. Sexual harassment stops with your help.

Clark: this feels pretty targeted

J’Onn: I agree. I don’t even desire humans.

Bruce: you both can look through peoples clothes and I don’t like it

Clark: it was an x Ray of your ribs!

If you could live in one DC city, which one would you choose? Star City? Central City? Metropolis? Gotham? Or a different one?

All of them have their pros and cons

Star City

- Pros: the Arrowfam

- Cons: Ollie's chili

Central City/Keystone

- Pros: more mentally stable Rogues gallery

- Cons: the Midwest

Metropolis

- Pros: not Gotham

- Cons: gotta buy a new car every week the way they get thrown through your office

Smallville

- Pros: Kon

- Cons: corn

Gotham

- Pros: grunge vibes

- Cons: Gotham

thank you sans and reigen for creating the perfect energy for today to happen

drive with all the photos, and youtube version

Dork dad 👶💀

Idea from here <3

less jason todd body horror being attributed to the pit and more because he’s a cosmic mistake whose revival is unexplainable

Humpty Dumpty slander

Clark never felt pain until after he became Superman.

Ask: The 27th of April, Part 2

[Warehouse by Gotham Harbor, Gotham City, 1745 H]

Red Hood: *taps his foot impatiently while he checks his watch for the nth time* Come on, come on, come on. Make the drop, you guys. 

Red Hood: *sighs in frustration as he disassembles and reassembles his pistol in 15 seconds flat for the nth time* Let’s get it over with. 

Red Hood: *peeks from behind a stack of crates for the nth time* I don’t have all day. I promised Alfred I’d make it to dinner on time –

Red Hood: *stares at his ringing phone with narrowed eyes*

Red Hood: *picks it up* Roman.

Black Mask [on the phone]: *chuckling* Jason, my dear boy! How’ve you been? You look healthy. Very much alive, even.

Red Hood: *spots the tiny, hidden camera attached to a steel beam above him (How in the world did he miss that?) and cocks both his guns* Where are your men, ugly face?

Black Mask: Don’t you speak to me that way, you little rat! Before I make you a very D-E-A-… Hm. Forget I said that.

Red Hood: What?

Black Mask: The point is you’ve wasted your time waiting for nothing. So get lost!

Red Hood: Don’t lie to me! I’ve been tracking your every move for weeks and this warehouse reeks of your poisonous, criminal stench – 

Black Mask: *lets out a drawn-out sigh* Listen, just go home, kid. The carnage you were looking forward to today? Newsflash: It ain’t happening!

Red Hood: You don’t tell me what to do, you sick son of a –

Black Mask: I tell you what: You go home tonight – and I mean home – I’ll forward you the coordinates of every illegal shipment to and from Janus Cosmetics within a hundred mile radius. You can blow it all up for all I care. Deal?

Red Hood: And if you don’t? If you lie to me?

Black Mask: *growling* You’ll find them anyway, you always do!

Red Hood: Why?

Black Mask: Hm?

Red Hood: Why?

Black Mask: *plays a vinyl record in the background, sounding more relaxed* Because there are better days to dance our tango, Jason… Da-rum, da-rum, da-rum da-ra… 

Red Hood: … 

Red Hood: Did Batman put you up to this?

Black Mask: *crumpling a piece of paper near the phone speaker* You’re breaking up! *click*

>>> *** <<<

[Safe house, undisclosed location, 1815 H]

Red Hood: *fumbling as he enters the wrong passcode to the steel door for the third time in a row* Crap! Crap! Crap! I’m gonna be late!

Lock: Password incorrect. Initializing Code Red Protocol in three, two, o–

Red Hood: Override the stupid passcode! Activate voice recognition!

Lock: Activating voice recognition –

Red Hood: The Handsome Robin! The Handsome Robin!

Lock: Welcome, Jason Todd. Opening door n–

Red Hood: Hello, Safe House! *squeezes himself in the still-narrow space, then trips over his weapons, armor, and garments as he hurriedly strips himself of them en route to the bathroom*

Red Hood: *abruptly stops in his tracks* What the fuuhhh…

Red Hood: *watches as bubbly, green fluid oozes out of his bathtub* 

Red Hood: *picks up the rolled piece of parchment beside his Batshampoo, unties the ribbon around it, and spreads it open*

Note: “In case you needed more. [signed] The Demon’s Head”

>>> *** <<<

[Crime Alley, 1903 H]

Red Hood: *groans as he realizes that his motorcycle just ran out of fuel* Seriously? 

Harley Quinn: *rollerblading into view* Hey, Baby J! Need a lift? *holds up an extra pair of roller blades*

Red Hood: Yeahhhh no.

Harley Quinn: Come on! It’ll be fun! And I promise I won’t bite cha. *winks*

Red Hood: Oh, what the heck. *grabs the roller blades* So you really just carry around an extra pair of blades, huh? *proceeds to put his on*

Harley Quinn: Nope! But I’ve had this with me for a while now. *takes out a tiny package from the pocket of her shorts and hands it to Jason*

Red Hood: *examines it* Hm.

Harley Quinn: It ain’t poisoned or nothin’! Pinky swear! *holds out her pinky*

Red Hood: *frowning* What is it?

Harley Quinn: *claps her hands excitedly* Open it! Open it!

Red Hood: *gingerly unfolds the bubble gum wrapper and holds up its minuscule content* … A tiny crowbar?

Harley Quinn: Yes! You can open envelopes with it! Stir coffee with it! Hit tiny Mistah J’s on the noggin’ with it –

Red Hood: *chuckles and puts the gift in his jacket pocket* Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks, I guess.

Harley Quinn: *holds her hand out to Jason* Come on! You’re gonna be late! Alfie ain’t gonna be happy!

Red Hood: …

Red Hood: Did Batman put you up to this?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ 

And Jason’s confusion continues, @wingedskyes​ .

See: Part 1, Part 3

I remember seeing posts about Jason's goons being older than him and them realizing "Oh fuck, our boss is a child"

And now I'm just thinking about Jason venting to them every now and then because they're all collectively like "idk where this kid's parents or emotional support beams are, so ig it'll just be us"

So just imagine Jason returning to his base after a heated argument with Bruce and immediately going to his goons to wail about how badly he's been wronged

Jason, sobbing: And he just doesn't get it! *Sniff* I just wanted him to avenge me to prove he still loves me!

Goon #47, rubbing Jason's back: Mhmm

Jason: A-And I don't even ask for much! I just want him to bash in the skull of the man who killed me! Is that such a hard request?

Goon #47, texting the goon gc and telling them all to get their shit ready cuz theyre about to serve some roasted bat for dinner with a side of clown: Not at all, boss :)