Masterlist

absentminded musings.

“can’t stop staring at you, it’s like i forgot that staring is rude.”

(in which he either succors you back to disciplined focus…or simply makes for an attractive and infuriatingly worse distraction.)

characters: albedo, ayato, childe, diluc, itto, kazuha, scaramouche, thoma, xiao

“the fuck are you looking at?” scaramouche sneers at your dazed expression, snapping you out of your temporary trance. you must have lost track during your daily dose of his colorful reproaches and stubborn chiding, at some later point…which wasn’t exactly very difficult to distract yourself with. after all, his face seemed to be a much more interesting subject, and posed for a hundred rather curious questions — starting with how an attractive boy like that just so happened to have one of the shittiest personalities in the world. “…oi, you idiot. you’re doing it again.”

you’re about to plainly retort that you were simply being wrongfully accused once more, but you bite the words between your teeth when he suddenly draws his face closer towards yours, eyebrows scrunched in irritation and a bratty frown pursed on his lips. you feel your breath catch in bewilderment, and find yourself instinctively shying away from the eerily close proximity. besides, scaramouche isn’t particularly adept in the scope of feelings either, but one look at your oddly timid disposition and he knows you’re flustered because you’ve been busy staring at his face. he wonders if you’ve noticed how long he’s been quietly staring at yours too.

“archons, it’s like you lost your manners.” xiao snorts at the dazed look glazed on your features, only rolling his eyes at you when you suddenly meet his piercing gaze with an awkward and surprised expression contorting across your face. you feel yourself scramble to apologize with reddened cheeks for not paying attention to his words…and you felt even more embarrassed when you see his features quirk into disappointment, for you knew deep down that you had covertly spent the last few minutes staring at him instead of actually trying to hear his statements. “honestly, mortals are so damn annoying. maybe this will help you listen better.

you let out an abrupt gasp when you feel him suddenly pin you on the rail of the balcony, caught between his chest and the wood, and his slanted amber irises reflecting the enchanting sunset behind you. you swallow the thick lump forming in your throat, and wait for him to continue speaking where he had left off in the previous conversation. and this time you decide to hear him out, and hope that the sound of his low and comforting voice slowly drowns out the incessant noises that foster quietly inside the depths of your chest.

“see something you like?” ayato smiles, tilting his head curiously at you. halfway through the chess game, you had already decided it was best for you to give up and think about something else to soothe the depressing sense of defeat. ayato was undeniably brilliant, and it could be perceived within each one of his move-sets during the stretch of the game. he was also…infuriatingly pretty, you couldn’t help noticing the way his pearl white hair shone beneath morning sunbeams. you sigh to yourself, muttering an apology and shifting your gaze back down to the board, ready to accept your imminent and rather upsetting fate…when you notice how your queen just so happened to be within the range of ayato’s king on the field. “your move, y/n.”

you can’t seem to hide the joy that begins to spill across your face when you hurriedly make a move with your queen piece to the other end of the board, unable to control the shriek of victory as you jump up from your seating position and raise your arms in excitement — after all these dreadful years, you had finally won a single chess game against ayato! and you’re too engrossed in your unexpected triumph against the boy to recognize how ayato sinks his head in his hand to admire the smile glowing on your face. there’s not many people he can honestly say he doesn’t mind losing to, but he figures getting distracted by you mid-game and subconsciously allowing you to win…makes him feel happier rather than defeated at the astonishing notion of it.

“…are you still listening to me?” albedo muses, an eyebrow raised at your stupor expression after listening to him talk about his experiment for a few hours. which you didn’t actually find boring — in fact, it was rather interesting at first…but then you started wondering about the curious shade of blue in his effervescent eyes, and how his locks of blonde hair began to look oddly similar to a golden aureole. and before you knew it, you were dozing off as you stared at his lips, and albedo was already getting up in your face out of instinctive concern. “apologies. that was probably boring for you, wasn’t it?”

you shake your head with a smile, apologizing to him for distracting yourself with some pre-occupied thoughts. but albedo knows you’ve simply been busy staring at him for the past few minutes, and yet chooses not to mention it aloud to perhaps spare you the vocalized embarrassment. besides, who was he to call you out on the endearing gesture when he had often found himself occasionally staring at you too?

“staring is rude, sweetheart.” kazuha smirks, raising his bandaged hand to gently caress the side of your face, consequently tugging you out of your little daydream. you blink at him in confusion, avoiding his playful and accusatory gaze, while also boldly claiming you had listened to his words loud and clear. when you’re about to move forward from the awkward point of the conversation, he suddenly inches closer towards your body and shifts his fingers to skim over your lips, a sly smile quirking across his mouth as he sees the way your eyes widen at the unexpected action. “that’s real cute, darling. why don’t we hear you repeat what i said again this time, okay?”

and you absolutely loathe the way kazuha coyly simpers when he witnesses you utterly caught in your words, still busy poking and blatantly staring at your lips while you try (and unfortunately, fail) to form the proper sentences to say beneath his animalistic gaze.

“quit dozing off.” diluc sighs for the umpteenth time, snapping his fingers in front of your face. your glazed eyes flicker over to meet his intense scarlet gaze, and you merely smile in apology for allowing yourself to be distracted. but lately, you can’t really seem to help it — despite wanting to truly learn the art of winery, it’s already difficult enough to end up getting tutored and trying to concentrate with your boyfriend’s attractive face in your line of sight. “…did you write that down?”

you hum softly in assent, busy skimming through the entirety of what you had just written based on what he talked about for the last thirty minutes. however, what you’ll eventually fail to notice is how the tables have astonishingly turned — and for the ensuing ten solemn minutes of your diligent review, diluc’s attention becomes completely enraptured and foolishly dead-set on you.

“um, is there something on my face?” thoma awkwardly chimes, scratching his cheek in embarrassment when you finally realize you’ve been staring at him for…clearly way too long. which wasn’t entirely your fault! you were just never consciously aware of how attractive a man could look while passionately chattering about housekeeping, especially when it came to the courteous boy standing in front of you. “sorry, perhaps the concept was a bit confusing. why don’t i say that for you again?”

you hope he assumes it’s just that, to spare yourselves the imminent awkwardness upon realizing that you were actually secretly admiring his face. but when he turns around and you barely perceive the light flush of pink that clouds on his fair cheeks, you think to yourself that…you’re probably fucked, and you’re almost a hundred percent sure he just caught you openly gawking at him. but for some reason, something in his throaty cough and his inability to meet your unwavering gaze, makes it seems as though the feeling is mutual and oddly reciprocated anyway.

“maybe consider taking a photo, darling. it lasts longer.” childe snickers lightly when he sees you scoff at him with flushed cheeks. so sure, the cruel asshole was stupidly attractive and he clearly knew it. and sure, you may have stared at him for a tad too long this time…still! you could admit he was handsome, but you couldn’t bear to accept the fact that you were somehow, and perhaps almost impossibly, in love with such an arrogant and deceitful man. “i was kidding! jeez, don’t get all sensitive on me again. anyways, where were we…”

but you’ve probably never considered the fact that perhaps the reason why childe was so intent on flirting with you, was due to the fact that he had accidentally harbored some romantic emotions towards you as well. he’s normally good at getting to know girls and forming relationships with them, since you had always been more challenging than the rest, as well as difficult to get to open up. and although you’ve made it perfectly clear in your intentions that you would never even think about dating an utter jerk like him, he likes to think that the brief moment of vulnerability in your previously flustered state, gives him at least a sliver of a chance.

“you’re staring awfully hard, shrimp. it’s like you’re in love with me or something.” itto winks in a cheesy manner when he sees you come back to your senses — because the thought that pops in your mind processes as a concept that’s outrageous and utterly absurd. him? please. you’d be insane to want someone as terribly reckless and brute as him. but his horns are adorable, his face is oddly endearing, and deep down he’s actually some kind of silly, big and caring baby towards the people he cares about, including you… “you’re staring again.”

you’re not staring, you emphasize it to him again. you can still hear him right now, how he’s busy rambling about the irodori festival, and you’re too pre-occupied with drowning in his apricot-hued irises to discern how he slyly asks you to accompany him while visiting the merriment held in ritou. all you could do was nod at his request in stupor — and end up chastising yourself over and over later in the night, for carelessly falling for glazed orange eyes and that boisterous man who had walked you home with that stupidly victorious grin that evening.

AQUA ✶ AI ✶ RUBY

𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔.

synopsis. how they would react and cope after you left their lives. characters. jing yuan, dan heng, blade, gepard x gn!reader (separate) author's note. congrats, you have made it to the vault (carlyle's version). due to the 1.2 update i will not shut up about hsr and speak now tv. sorry if this was short, the writer's block is still kinda there. lmk if u want any other character!

jing yuan would be a bit more dignified about losing you. after all, after everything he has witnessed in his long, long life, he knew that it would only be inevitable that he would lose you, too. but for the amount of loss that he has experienced, it did not make it any easier for him to cope. your presence always made everything just a tad bit bearable and he missed that sorely. on the outside, jing yuan would make sure that he would seem fine, greeting everyone warmly and nodding to their consolations, but the moment the public's eyes are off him, he'd be devoid of any emotion. you had always likened jing yuan to the sun, he'd remember, before you went on a tangent about his eyes again, but the true sun in his life was you. and you were gone.

dan heng would immediately blame himself. no matter the circumstance, he'd chalk it up to the karma of being with someone like him. it was apparent how much happier you made him when you were together — the astral express would always comment how he seemed to glow around you despite the neutral expression he always wore — that everything just turned dead when you were gone. at least, that's how it was like for him. no more of indulging in the silly romantic antics that you'd drag him in — oh, how he'd give anything for one last adventure with you. dan heng would spend most of his time locked in the archives after this, his mind awake and going over every tender memory you shared with him. his most favorite one was when you sung to him; now, it'd be the only voice haunting him before he fell into the deepest slumber.

blade would not believe it first. you made a promise to him that you would stay with him, no matter how long it takes. you promised that to him, and he does not take the promise of forever lightly. when the undeniable is presented to him, blade would lose control over the overflowing emotion in him. he's in despair, he's seething in anger, he's breaking down in labored cries, even kafka does not want to be around him when he'd be experiencing all these at once. he'd curse his immortality again over and over, wishing that the universe would finally grant him his wish to die, because all he wants now is to be reunited in your arms, your hand gently stroking his hair and your voice whispering to him that you were there and you were fine. he would swear to never love again, not like how he loved you.

gepard would break down at the news. rightfully, it was unbecoming of the captain to react in such a public manner, but he did not care. you had always made sure he was taking care of himself, that he'd just condemn himself for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. he'd work thrice as hard and sink himself deeper into his duties afterwards. as you were no longer there to chastise him for overworking himself to the bone, gepard would be prone to collapsing every time he pushed himself too hard. even when serval would call him out on this self destructive behavior, he wouldn't listen. some nights, he'd swear that he, delirious and sleep deprived, sees you standing right next to him, a frown on your face as he stayed up all night to finish the documents. "don't look at me like that" he'd say, but how he would wish for you to say something to reprimand and snap him out of it.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

the ruikasa sewing incident

ive been thinking of them lately…

short lil aventurine imagines I have in my head..

dark content dni. / also mention nightmares and fem reader!

aventurine who’s really touch starved so he cuddles , hugs you any chance he gets.

aventurine who teaches u how to gamble just in case you two play together.

aventurine who laughs when you call him “rinrin”.

aventurine who haves you on his lap n’ lets you kiss his chips for good luck.

aventurine who wins every round of gambling then thanks you for the good luck.

aventurine who slowly opens up to you about his past slowly trusting you.

aventurine who will kiss you every time you wake up.

aventurine who lets you do skincare on him as your home date.

aventurine who watches horror movies with you on date nights.

aventurine who secretly wants to marry you sooner or later<3.

aventurine who wakes up early to draw doodles on your face as a prank.

aventurine who wants to have a family with you.

aventurine who loves to spoil you rotten.

aventurine who wakes up to nightmares you slowly comfort him<3.

NO ANGST IN MY HOOD BRO😭🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾‼️‼️🗣️🗣️ sorry

Project Sekai + Tumblr Posts

okay, but, please, please— i'm begging on my hands and knees 🛐🛐 give me god!reader with consort!aether please, i'm starving and i'm parched 🤲🤲 he is the plot and nobody can say otherwise, i'm such a simp for him you don't understand— god!reader who had chosen aether from the start and showering him in the overflowing love they has for him??? delicious. absolute delicacy. giving aether the five star weapons (yes, as in, more than one) he deserves, building him on every single element and triple crowning him???? yes. yes. absolutely. anything for my beloved. 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ just, absolute aether appreciation, please. just, god!reader loving aether and aether loving god!reader.

also kisses everywhere, just kisses and hugs and cuddles and holding hands and snuggling and and and and

crowning every element???? babe are you okay??????

but - i mean, i have to just appreciate the simp it's honestly kind of impressive. and Aether's hair looks so soft... but also why he kinda look like he's supposed to be a consort... if that makes sense?

Sidenote - uh... I think this ask awakened something in me... Aether is...so pretty? And he'd be so nice to cuddle? And he'd be so willing to love you?? He's?? Amazing??? haha..

Warnings: romantic reader x Aether, reader uses gn pronouns

Consort!Aether Headcannons

He'd always been your favorite. He was your first vessel and he'd remain the most prominent until finally finally you desended upon Teyvat. Your divine presence became so much more than your hands controlling him through a screen. Your hands touching him, with nothing in between like a screen, your skin on his, was intoxicating and he became a puppy at only your touch.

"Aether!" You had said his name first, before you had called out to any of the others, the many acolytes that would bend to your call. Out of all of them you went to him first, called for him first when he could finally hear your voice in Teyvat. You cupped his face and grinned, "I'm so happy to finally see you in person!"

He had nearly had a heart attack. He would kill almost anyone in Teyvat for you, his god, who had so generously given him your divine gaze. Who had loved him from the start, never letting him go. Even as every vision wielder in Teyvat vyed for your gaze, you never took it off of him.

It was a surprise to nobody but him when you asked him to be your consort. A lovely ring in your dominant hand, the other in his soft blond hair. His face had gone a bright red, he wasn't able to form any words, only able to nod enthusiastically. A dumb, bright smile on his face.

You had kissed his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his lips, his hands, and the ring you had slipped onto his finger.

He so desperately wanted to give back the love you had shown him from the very beginning. All of the artifacts you had put on him, all of the ones you had leveled up and given to him. From the dull one stars to the shiny five stars he now had. Even the weapons you had given him. The best sword you had, and once you had arrived in Teyvat you had stripped your other, stronger, acolytes of their weapons. You had given them to him, bows and claymores he wasn't sure how to use. But if you, his lovely god, wanted him to learn he'd do so!

"Take it." You'd kissed his knuckles, smiling against the skin, "Take all of it Aether, I want only the best for you. My first and only."

But- he was yours! You were gifting him too much and he just wanted to repay you so badly! You'd gifted him artifacts, talent books for every element, more five star weapons than he knew what to do with, you loved him with every ounce of your being. He wanted to repay you for proposing to him, for gifting him everything he could've ever wanted and more.

"Anything you want from me," He pratically begged, his head on your lap, "You can have it, I just wanna repay you for your kindness your grace."

Your fingers threaded through his hair and his eyes fluttered at the heavenly sensation. Though you'd done it a million times he would never get sick of it.

"Just stay beside me," You had whispered to him, "That's all I need, is you Aether."

Aether's heart clenched and he'd lunged for you, tackling you into a hug. Your laugh made his heart flutter and he could hear the stars twinkle happily with your joyous voice. His arms wrapped around you tightly, never wanting to let you go and you held onto him with the same gentle fervor.

His head laid on your chest, his arms wrapped around you so tight so as to not leave any air between you two, your arms around him, your hands playing with his hair, your legs tangled together. He could feel your ring as you played with his hair, and he could feel his matching one pressed on his finger.

He nuzzled his nose into your neck, seeking solace in every inch of your body. Wishing to be glued to your side forever.

You chuckled as his hair tickled your nose and nuzzled your face closer to his soft hair. Breathing him in and smiling softly. Your limbs were tangled and bodies pressed so close together so that you'd never be apart every again.

There'd be no reason for you two to every be apart. For Aether, the Traveler, would follow you to the ends of any world, even ones he didn't belong.

love again

dan heng x gn reader 3.3k words , hurt comfort + second chance romance this was inspired by one of cardan's letters to jude (from the folk of the air series by holly black) but other that than i have no idea where this was going ++ dan heng might be ooc too but this was very fun to write :,)

the astral express used to be your home.

now, it is nothing more than a sore subject; a burden that presses on your being—a constant reminder that perhaps, there are some things you grow out of, but are forever unable to get rid of. it has taken far too much of your life for you to cast aside, and as much as you wish you could permanently erase it from memory, you aren’t sure if you even want to.

it’s a conflicting dilemma to be faced with. you’re constantly wedged in between two emotions: wanting to forget, and wishing you didn’t want to. there’s something so comforting about holding onto the remnants of the past. and yet, simultaneously, there is also something so devastating when faced with the realization that they belong only to the past; nothing more than a reflection of a bygone time.

still, you’d like to say that you’re faring pretty well. belobog has taken quite the space in your heart, and even though it might only be filling the hole that the express left you with, you’re more than content.

you’ve learned to adapt to the everwinter—the eternal freeze, as they’d call it. and even though it’s sweeping winds have proven to be quite bothersome at times, you don’t really mind. you’ve gotten used to enveloping yourself in a thick coat before exiting the house. and waking up a few minutes earlier than usual to warm yourself with a hot beverage isn’t so horrible.

but most importantly, you’ve begun looking forward to your days, as opposed to letting what happened a few months back tie you down.

it was a moment in time anyone would remember vividly had they experienced it—for a completely haunting reason. even after seven months of solitude; more specifically, seven months of self induced isolation, you can still easily step back into that day, as well as the ones that followed, though those are a bit more blurred in comparison.

when dan heng accused you of being a traitor, you knew there was no going back. in the blink of an eye, everyone on the astral express viewed you differently, and as much as they tried to believe otherwise, they couldn’t shake off the possibility of his words holding some ounce of truth to them; his status was that of a trusted guard, authority held in high esteem.

but he was also your lover.

dan heng was the embodiment of everything you’ve longed for; precious, beloved, sacred. only, that wasn’t enough to quell his misplaced anger towards you. instead, it fueled it even more, and with each day that followed, he made his distaste for you increasingly apparent.

you’ve tried to explain—persistently, and determined to dispel any suspicion he held towards you; desperate to make things right; to make him love you again. but every time you’d catch him alone and free from his duties, he’d glower at you before you could even reach him, and even as you trailed after him with a string of rushed explanations falling from your mouth, he wouldn’t listen. he didn’t want to. he didn’t need it.

he didn’t need you.

and who were you to ask for more? soon enough, even welt and himeko had little to no trust for you. they couldn’t even seem to tolerate you; always making excuses to avoid engaging in conversation, seemingly edging you out of their circle through subtle means.

it was exhausting, and also painful. incredibly so that one silent night, you hopped onto the train, dragging a suitcase from behind and begging pompom to take you somewhere else—anywhere else—and to keep quiet about your disappearance. not that you thought anyone would care, really, but still.

that’s how you ended up in belobog; with a broken heart you’ve tried piecing back together and an unspoken explanation festering in the back of your mind—that you weren’t siding with kafka, simply hoping to reach a compromise with her; a conversation caught and taken completely out of context.

but you’re faring pretty well. and time heals all wounds, apparently, so there’s an obstreperous hope rooted deep in your heart that makes you believe things might just really get better. each day that passes signifies another step inching you closer towards the line of recovery. and perhaps, knowing that one day you might cross it, was enough.

but belebog has been in some commotion lately.

for a reason completely unknown to you, the silvermane guards have been raising a ruckus by the streets every day. causing citizens, in return, to erupt into an uproar in absolute fear of what might follow.

and you’ve resigned yourself to that oblivion. ignorance is bliss, and you had no plan on disrupting the semblance of peace that’s been so graciously bestowed upon you. but the world has an incredibly humorous way of working, and somehow, it seemed hellbent on giving you the answer to a question you had no interest knowing.

“please wait.”

a firm hand encloses itself around your wrist, tightening its grip even further (though still gentle), upon noticing how you were trying to escape.

“y/n—” he tries once more.

“no,” you deny without any hesitation.

everything about this is wrong. the last thing you needed was for dan heng to appear right in front of you, and in belobog of all places. god, this was your home; your newfound sanctuary—did he have to ruin that too? how long until enough was enough?

you despise the way his touch sears into your skin, abhor the fact that even after months, he still manages to get a reaction out of you, and resent that your heart still races seeing the tender look on his face. that treacherous, good for nothing organ.

you level him with a glare before forcefully pulling your hand away from his; the loss of his warmth causes your heart to sink into your chest. “do not speak to me,” is all you say, and then pivot on your heel to walk towards the opposite direction—going to god knows where.

“this is where you’ve gone to?”

the question falls on deaf ears.

“you do not belong in belebog,” he says.

and you want to whirl around to ask him: where do i belong then? the astral express, where you have all cast me aside? but they remain lodged up in your throat, eventually dying when you realize how meaningless it would be trying to argue with someone who has never been willing to listen in the first place.

you continue walking, and each step you take is so heavy that they echo in his ears. dan heng is at a loss for what to do—has been for the couple of months, but he knows better than to let this opportunity slip through his grasp, so he follows, trailing behind you while keeping a distance.

he tries making small talk; starts talking about how he’s on a mission, accompanied with march and a newfound acquaintance who goes by the name trailblazer—claims that belobog is bound for conflict, and that he’s glad to see you, as if he wasn’t the one who pushed you away.

but you pay him no mind. there is no reason to show him any reaction. all you need to do is disregard him until he gives up.

“herta has been trying to contact you,” he suddenly announces. “she is worried; so are asta and arlan.”

“tell them there is no need. i’m alright.” you reply, voice rushed, wishing to get whatever this was over with.

what follows next are updates about everyone you’ve known on the express: himeko, welt, march, and even a couple of researchers have apparently been worried in regards to your disappearance; asking pompom about your whereabouts, and soon trying to find out the answer themselves. and while it washes away a bit of indignation, it holds little to no value to you now.

so what if they were troubled? for all you knew, they deserved it—they wanted you gone, and so you did them a favor by leaving, but now they want to pretend that they care? incredulous.

in a fit of frustration, you take a sudden halt in your steps, prompting him to take a pause as well; his feet rooted to the cobblestone pavement. when you turn to face dan heng, his shoulders straighten to correct his posture and his eyes search to meet yours, but you’re unhappy—displeased, and quite annoyed.

“leave. me.” you demand through gritted teeth, trying to prevent every other word threatening to escape by biting on your tongue.

but he cannot. because if you’ve been faring pretty well, then dan heng has been faring horribly, and if he made a mistake, then it was up to him to fix things.

“i have been looking for you,” he admits.

“you’ve found me, now leave.”

“my love—” he tries to begin, and it nearly kills you.

“do not!” you yell, every emotion you’ve been trying to keep at bay reaching its boiling point; eyes flaring with bitter anger at the term of endearment. “you have no right to call me that!”

you can’t do this anymore. for the sake of your own wellbeing; your pride and sanity, or whatever is left of them—and for every piece of yourself you’ve slowly been regaining. he is not allowed to strut out of your life and slam the door on you only to come back.

“you have no right to be here! leave!”

“come back to us.” to me, he wishes to say, though it remains in the back of his mind. “i am begging you.”

“i will never go back.”

“you do not belong in belobog.”

“i do not belong in the express either; you have made that very clear to me—all of you have.”

“i was mistaken in my judgment.” he tries to reason. and the turn of events is humorous, because this was exactly what you’ve been trying to do a few months back. and now, dan heng is completely aware of how desperate the feeling is. “but i have explained. they were not wrong to put their faith in me, but i was wrong to accuse you—i am sorry. the fault is on me, but please do not blame them for their suspicion.”

“i don’t care. you don’t get to do as you wish and expect me to follow through. i don’t belong here, yes, but whether you like it or not, this is my home now, and you have no right to take me away from here after tossing me aside.”

gesturing wildly with a hand, you continue. “i have been trying to navigate my way through the aftermath of what happened. and i have resigned myself to that loss—so leave me. you have no right to barge into my life and ask me to come back. you have no right to take advantage of my love after taking it for granted.”

the air stills around you then, temperature seemingly dropping a few more degrees, if that were even possible in this everwinter. helpless, you look at dan heng with quiet agony—defenseless and exposed, but most of all, ashamed.

dan heng stares at you in horror, and it makes you want to cry. you needed to get out of here; needed to lick at your wounds and stitch them back shut. god, where did your walls go?

“leave it. i—” you shake your head, unsure on what to say next. your hands fall to your sides, nails digging into the palms of your hands as they clench into fists.

“tell everyone on the astral express that i am fine. there is no need to worry about me.”

and he hates it; the way you speak of your home as if it’s no longer of that nature, but simply a place you once knew of. he hates how you’re right in front of him, within reach, but still out of grasp. and he hates that there is no one to blame for the consequence of his cruelty but himself.

red rimmed, exhausted, and on the precipice of surrender, dan heng’s eyes burn—perhaps he is being too selfish, but even then he doesn’t think he can stop.

“march has been wearing the clothes you’ve left at your station,” he says. and you have no idea where the direction of this conversation is heading, but something compels you to listen anyways. “himeko has been blaming herself for your departure. welt has been persistent in his demands for an answer from pompom. arlan and asta cannot go one day without mentioning your name.”

there’s a slight pause he takes before resuming.

“you have not left just because you did; you are part of the astral express. you will remain a piece of us forever, so please,” dan heng begs, swallowing against a scratchy throat. “come back to us.” and then corrects himself in a broken voice. “to them, at least.”

“enough!” you snap, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“please—”

“you are asking for too much.”

“i will take anything you give me,” he lets out, strained and miserable; unceasing in his pleads. “you can resent me for an eternity, shout at me all you want, curse me unto death, just come home.”

and it’s enough to reduce you into a foolish mess; the patent desperation of it all—longing in his voice, yearning in his eyes. you’ve always had a soft spot for him. it seems that some things never do change.

“you don’t need me,” you whisper, still in disbelief.

dan heng offers you a breathless laugh.

“i do,” he confesses, wearing a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “more than anything else. and i have tried not to need you—not to even think about you, but it’s a losing game.”

he takes a hesitant step towards you, praying you don’t move backwards in response. and when you don’t, it only spurs him on to continue, so he does exactly that; slowly moves closer until you’re only a breath apart from one another.

“when i found out the truth, i have never been more in dispute with myself. it is humiliating being proven wrong, but rather than shame, i felt sorry for not believing you; for not even listening.”

you have no room to cut in. he speaks before you can let out a single word. “i don’t deserve forgiveness. i don’t deserve to even ask for it, or any of this, but i beg you, come home. i am sorry for hurting you—for driving you away, but i’ll be selfish once more and ask you to come home.” hate me at a nearer distance. just don’t be too far away from me.

and for once, you’re rendered speechless; completely overwhelmed. your cheeks flush with heat, and you feel so much that you begin to cry—pathetically sobbing as you fall into him and weakly punch at his chest, somehow still managing to feel your heart skip a beat at the contact.

“why are you here?” you cry, choking between words and hiccups. “you confuse me. i don’t know what any of this means.”

he pulls you in closer, placing your head on his shoulder with a careful hand, allowing your tears to stain the fabric. “i love you.”

“you don’t know anything about love.”

“i do. i know it because it’s you.”

you sob into his shoulder, shaking. “i hate you.”

“i know,” he says, rubbing small circles on your back to soothe you. “but i love you, forever and always. i don’t think i can stop. i have been too careless with you. if you’re willing to let me, i want to fix that.”

“you can’t. i’m a mess.”

so dan heng says, “i love you regardless. i’ll love you always,” but what he doesn’t tell you is i have been killing myself over your absence. you have the power to destroy me, and you don’t even know it—and i have no idea what to do with that revelation.

you could turn into a criminal and i would still fear losing you more than i would death. i would follow you anywhere, even if it meant i had to throw away all my morals—so long as i’m with you, i need nothing more.

though, he’s still quite relieved you aren’t actually evil.

“you won’t.”

“i will.”

“but you left me,” you murmur.

“and i’ll never do that again,” he promises, words dripping with so much honesty that you can’t refute them; sincerity practically emanating from his body.

your pulse quickens. already faltering in your resolve to push him aside, the lump in your throat expands to a quivering voice as you breathe out his name: dan heng.

the way it rolls off of your tongue enthralls him. it’s enough to send him into a spiral—it’s also enough for him to understand what you’re trying to convey.

he pulls you in even closer, eliminating any space between you two as he presses up against your form, relishing in the way you feel in his arms—something he was starting to doubt he’d ever feel again.

really, honest to god, he was definitely made for you.

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm so incredibly sorry," he apologizes repeatedly while holding onto you. and while his touch is foreign, it is also terribly familiar.

“dan heng,” you call out to him once more.

“yes?” he questions, uncertainty heavy in his tone.

“i cannot go back to the astral express,” you reveal, and he can practically hear how his heart instantly shatters at your words. “not immediately, at least. belobog is a lovely place. i want to stay here for a while.”

and then they piece themselves back whole. “it is nice,” he agrees, arms tightening around your torso like the prospect of letting you go would end him.

“how long until you leave?”

“i am not too sure anymore.”

you pull away slightly to give him a questioning look, and he smiles at your curiosity. “i’ve told you earlier that i have been looking for you. if you are here, then there is no reason for me to leave now.”

“then you’ll stay?” you ask.

“yes,” he tells you. “i will stay.”

“but you have nothing here.”

“i have you.” and that is more than enough for him.

“but the astral express is your home, even more so than it is mine.”

“no,” he corrects you. “the express is where i reside in at most, but my home is wherever you are. and if that’s in belobog, then so be it.”

“you’ll stay here with me? in this cold?”

“yes,” he assures you, lifting a hand to cup your face. as a thumb brushes across your cheek, he starts leaning in until his lips hover over yours. “i’d like to stay with you, and i’d like to keep it that way forever, if you would let me.”

you don’t say anything else, because truthfully, it’s unnecessary to speak in this moment. instead, you find another way to communicate with him by filling in the gap separating you two with a kiss.

dan heng makes a startled sound, shocked at your advances, especially with taking into consideration the circumstance prior to this. but then realization strikes through him, and soon, he’s kissing you back.

it’s slow at first; delicate, unsure if any of this was actually real, uncertain if he even deserved it. either way, he’s mapping every second of this moment onto his heart, eyes slipping shut as he wills himself to be patient with you. but then sweet longing pierces through him, and the kiss turns fervent, wholly desperate, because it has been far too long—and he realizes that he’s wasted too much time.

so he keeps kissing you, and you let him.

warmth floods from your face to your chest to your fingers, spreading like wildfire. belobog is a region of unparalleled coldness—it is always freezing here; the wind is biting, and there’s a permanent chill that creeps through the air. but right now, you are melting into a lovesick puddle as dan heng kisses you with an intensity you’ve never known before; transferring all the love—all the longing, he’s stored up for you through slightly chapped lips and careful touches.

you think of it all of a sudden; how dan heng told you that home is wherever you are—and in his arms, you realize just how true that statement is.

The woman laid in his arms, her eyes blinded from the attacks in battle. She bled out from the sword embedded into her stomach, but it had been so long that she couldn't feel the pain anymore. He had long since ordered his soldiers to find the medic back at camp, but it was taking too long.

The light, slow, gentle snowfall had been ongoing since the night before, covering the ground in a thin layer of white that was now dyed red all around the two of them. Her sightless eyes gazed up at the snow-filled clouds, a few snowflakes landing gently on her face and melting faster than she could tell.

He promised her that he'd keep her safe.. that he'd protect her, but he couldn't make to her in time.. he was on the other side of the battlefield, but the moment he saw the enemy raise their sword against her, he shoved away the one he was fighting and ran. He ran as fast as he could but he wasn't fast enough.

Now the enemy was gone, leaving a battlefield littered with different bodies of both his team and the opposing, but they didn't even cross his mind when she was bleeding out in his arms. He couldn't even do anything besides press his already blood covered hands against her wound.

She called out his name, her voice holding a small tremor. He immediately looked over at her blood-stained face that was still so beautiful, even with the cuts and show of war..

"It's quiet.."

so was her voice.. he had to lean over to hear her better. He slowly lifted his hands away from her wound when he realized that she wouldn't make it out of this place..

"..Is the snow pretty..?"

he pressed his lips together as he held back tears.. she always loved the snow, but she couldn't even see it once more before she passed. Without even raising his gaze from her face, he spoke gently. His voice was always gentle when he spoke to her, such a difference compared to when he ordered around his other soldiers.

"..mm.. it's breathtaking.. it always is.."

She gave a small, serene smile. She knew he didn't look, and she also knew the hidden meaning behind his words.. he took her hand in his, giving a gentle squeeze, which she was too weak to return.

"I'm glad.. I've always liked the snow"

..'I know'. He let out a shaking, pained breath as he watched her let her eyes fall closed before she whispered one last time.

"I hope you see me when it snows.. I'll be there.."

As he watched her, he could only give a small nod even though she wouldn't see it. The tears finally fell from his eyes when he could no longer see the small cloud her warm breath created against the cold air. He leaned over and pressed his forehead against hers, letting out quiet sobs as he hugged her limp body against his chest.