Latest Posts by xyaphrin - Page 2
Epic the Musical: Tournament Bracket!
Week 1: Match 4
Epic the Musical: Tournament Bracket!
Week 1: Match 3
Epic the Musical: Tournament Bracket!
Week 1: Match 2
Epic the Musical: Tournament Bracket!
Week 1: Match 1
Quoll
“You made it,Captain.”
Ares: BEST CHRISTMAS EVER
The duality of humanity:
( @gigizetz )
Some advice
When performing a presentation, make sure to spit all the butterflies out at the beginning. The insects will then return to their host and carry you off, out the window, so as to never do that shit again.
So, when I started writing up a book, I decided, "Hey, I should make up a language for these little aliens, it won't take that long, right?"
"Oh."
"Oh no."
"Oh God, what have i gotten myself into?"
Whenever I see an angry typed face like >:( I can never take it seriously. It looks like a grumpy little guy. It's like he's trying so hard to be angry but can't.
I mean, he isn't wrong.
"Oceans are big soups of death. ...And life."
-Oceanography professor
Scorpion in Your Tent
One day, the US military decided to take a poll to see how the different branches handle a specific situation, in this case a scorpion in a service member’s tent. One representative from each major branch is selected, and each answers privately.
The question was a simple one: “There is a scorpion in your tent. What do you do?”
Army: “I would crush it with my boot and throw it outside.”
Navy: “I would pick it up by the tail and throw it outside.”
Marines: “I’d bite its head off before cooking and eating it.”
Air Force: “I’d call down to the front desk and ask why there’s a tent in my hotel room.”
Neil Gaiman created a show called “Good Omelets” as a sequel to Good Omens and it was literally just the characters showing the viewer how to bake horribly. At least every other episode, the kitchen burned down.
I shall force you to unironically declare that you're 'not like other girls'
I must hand them over.
your ligaments
I'm unpowerhousing your mitochondria
your poor little meow meow fucking bit me
last night i had a dream that i was playing minecraft and i noticed i had 77 blocks of cobblestone in one slot instead of it being capped at 64 and it was so jarring to me that it literally booted me out of the dream. like sure you can fly now and your childhood home is a pharmacy but 77 pieces of cobblestone? unthinkable. wake the fuck up.
A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!”
The man replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m a U.S. congressman!”
The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”
I'll make you accidentally cause a deluge of asks to flood your inbox about a fandom you don't know anything about
meow meow meow mrrrp mrrrow
(an ominous threat for catboys and catgirls)
getting a submission like this is a threat in and of itself
refseek.com
www.worldcat.org/
link.springer.com
http://bioline.org.br/
repec.org
science.gov
pdfdrive.com
100th level spells
Abjuration: Protection from physics. You are no longer affected by gravity, inertia, temperature, etc.
Conjuration: Summon literally every demon (10ft radius)
Divination: Detect whether you are actually a fictional construct taking part in a semi-improvised game narrative or not.
Enchantment: Mind control people so effectively that they were already doing the thing you wanted them to do before you mind controlled them. Some might say this is just you taking credit for people doing things they were gonna do anyway, but what do martials know?
Evocation: BLOW UP THE FUCKING SUN.
Illusion: Send yourself into a fully realistic dream world so you never need to bother with existence again. Good luck with the lich army fuckers!
Necromancy: Animate dead but on all the world's fossil fuels.
Transmutation: Transform the entire multiverse into a no-magic high-tech humans-only world where the real world only exists as a reasonably popular tabletop RPG line.
Universal: Maximum counterspell. Cast on a wizard they forget everything after the day they started wizard school, cast on a cleric or warlock it kills their patron, cast on a druid it causes a global mass extinction and cast on a sorcerer to make all their blood fall out.
“We’re so divided as a nation, we’re so divided as a world, but the one thing that brings us together always is love and smiles and comedy and an outside family that makes you feel a part of it.”
— Andy Greene (The Office: The Untold Story of The Greatest Sitcoms of the 2000s)
“69” is now known as “96”.
Thanks to inflation the cost of eating out has gone way up.
May all your favorite movies get absolutely horrible sequels