"you're autism have nothing to do with your Asexuality and Aromantism"
Well maybe not for you, and that's valid, but for me it is.
Disclamer:this is MY personal exprience, i'm obviously not talking for all aroace and not everyone who's autistic is aro or/and ace, saying otherwise would be incredebly harmfull.
As an autistic person, my aromanticism and Asexuality are strongly linked to it. I however knew i was aroace before knowing i was autistic. The lack of attractions, romantic and sexual was the first indicator, but also the fact that i always felt better alone, being with people for too long is really draining to me. I hate being touched for too long, sleeping with someone in my bed is a pure nightmare, and living with someone constantly in my space is just unbearable for me. So in many way i'm not made to live with someone (romanticaly) for the rest of my days. Plus i also have ADHD and i have an organised mess that i love and hate when people tell me to clean up. I don't know if it's my autism or my aromanticism but it seem impossible for me to see real people as romantic partners, i don't really spot the difference btw Friends and Lovers.
I had a girlfriend for a whole year, we were long distance and i didn't know we were together before she called me her girlfriend to her dad...and idk since i wasn't seeing her IRL i just felt like i was playing a game yk? Like a virtual girlfriend or something, i didn't feel like i was with someone. I broke up when it started feeling too Real. I know it can sound really mean but it was genuinely how i felt, i couldn't help it , and i felt so bad, like i wasn't enought.
She was however aware of my asexuality and i think she was okay with it even if she did some sex jokes that made me sometimes uncomfy. My lack of sexual attractions started by "how could someone ever want to touche someone else like that in Real life?" For me it was something made up, that people weren't really doing but yeah.. it was Real and i was just ace. I'm not a touchy person, i hate being hugged for too long and it's even worst with people i don't really know. I hate the Idea of kissing someone, putting my lips against something else's lips? I would rather die. I hate not being in control and knowing that someone will have power over me, i hate knowing that someone could see me as a potential sexual partner, it always make me so fucking uncomfy, that's why it's hard for me to be friends with someone who have flirted with me.
I always thought i wasn't valid in my asexuality or aromanticism because i enjoy reading smut and romance but i learned (with the help of a big community) that it didn't mean anything and i was still valid asf, and so are everyone on the spectrum (asd&aroace).
I understand were people are coming from when saying that a disorder can't define a sexuality, because obviously not every autistic person is aro or/and ace, but personaly it definitly played a role in it. I would still be aroace without my autism but i would definitly see it differently. Everyone is unique and has their way of feeling their identity and telling them they're wrong because of personal belief would be stupid, if you're not causing any harm to a community or someone personnally then were is the issue?
Thank you for reading<3