Church - Blog Posts
My husband and I became catechumens in the EOC for which we are incredibly grateful. Here’s my dilemma though.
I can’t attend Divine Liturgy because of my chronic illness. The priest is very understanding of this and is genuinely trying to accommodate us the best anyone can.
He wants us to get plugged into the community despite my limitations and is thinking of safe ways for us to do so, since I am immunocompromised and my husband (who has lupus) is also facing potential new health concerns. Though we want community as well, I am having debilitating anxiety around it.
My illness is so unpredictable. I have good days and bad days. Some days, I need my wheelchair or another mobility aid (which I don’t like using because I don’t like being vulnerable but I NEED to use them for safety and/or energy preservation). But other days, I do not need anything. Chronic illness has SO MANY facets and triggers and layers of unpredictability! In the past, many people (mostly people from our old church) have accused me of faking my disability when they’ve seen me on a good day, or when they’ve seen me without a mobility aid after needing one a previous day. They’ve told me I’m making excuses, that I’m faking for attention, etc.
No one but my husband ever sees the “details” of my chronic illness, after all. They don’t see me when I’m curled up all night on the bathroom floor bc of gastroparesis agonizing and crying for it all to end, or being SO extremely fatigued due to POTS that I can’t move a limb out of bed. They didn’t see me when I fell that morning which warranted me using my rollator for the rest of the day to prevent another concussion. They don’t see the painful internal struggle of trying to walk in the summer heat without support. Anyone with a chronic illness can relate!
People from my last church (not an OC) said hurtful things and more and told me I’m going to hell for a number of reasons- because I don’t have kids, because I don’t go to church on Sundays etc. i had poured my soul into that parish. Then, everyone left. We felt abandoned.
This served as the catalyst to question our faith -tradition, theology, and everything- and ultimately, everything came together to lead us to Orthodoxy which is a HUGE blessing! But I’m just SO EMOTIONAL because though I’m more than ready to embrace the fullness of faith and the Sacraments when the time comes, I don’t think I can ever be a part of a community.
It’s exhausting to have to try to explain the ins- and- outs of my illness to new people, many of whom wouldn’t even believe me. And I just don’t want to get hurt again. I know it’s wrong of me to assume that every new person I meet will eventually judge me and leave, but that’s just what we’ve consistently experienced. That’s all we know. I have a small circle of friends, and I’ve known all of them for many years - those friendships have stood the test of time and I’m grateful for them.
I honestly don’t know why I’m making this dumb post. I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party, I just need a place to vent and let it all out. I’m also just in a totally bad headspace right now and my anxiety levels overall are insanely high with my husband preparing for a high stakes surgery in a few days and me having side effects from the rescue medication I had to take last night. But if you’re reading this and have any advice, please tell me. And please pray for us. Please pray for peace and healing in our lives, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Please pray that i can stop myself from spiraling into depression - I can feel it happening. I feel like a burden to my husband and the few friends I have and the devil is probably angry that I made the decision to become a catechumen. Please pray that we can find joy this Pascha, even though we are separated from the Church, knowing that we rejoice in Jesus’s resurrection. The pain runs deep but His love runs deeper.
Thank you. 🤍
god’s begging me to sleep.
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Fall 2020, Character & Environment Design
Project 2: Interior and Exterior Finals
Fall 2020, Character & Environment Design Project 2: Architecture & Prop Pencils
Fall 2020, Character & Environment Design
Project 2 Thumbnails and Pencils for a prop, architecture, interiors and exteriors
ALWAYS AN ANGEL NEVER A GOD
(apparently deleted) Day 70:
I am in Prague now. There are some pretty cool buildings and old churches
There are many shops as well, most are expensive though.
The many streets and alleys are surprisingly empty, only few cars or people in sight
I see no difference........
You know, I think it's nice that the story of the Samaritan woman is in the Bible. Like, in those times, women were not often given very many freedoms, and not often mentioned in texts, so I enjoy it very much.
And also, I think it's very nice because Jesus is just hanging out at a well, vibing, as one does, and He offers this lady---whose people hate his people---the love of Christ. Like He is SUPPOSED to not like this lady because of her culture and her people; Jewish people in that time would literally WALK AROUND Samaria just so they didn't have to talk to the people there (That's also what the Disciples wanted to do)!
So Jesus coming to this woman out of the blue, forgiving her of any sins she had committed, and generally being kind to her in a time of sexism cultural dislike is AMAZING! Not only is He defying societal norms by going through Samaria and seeing the people there, He's also speaking with this woman because he wanted to! Because He cared!
Jesus doesn't care what your past is, where you come from, or if you've done wrong in your life. He loves YOU, regardless of what you've done in the past.
And I just
I like that.
my new church is so pretty! here’s the opening hallway and two of my most favorite paintings 🖼 #church #prettychurch #prettypainting https://www.instagram.com/p/BwCZSewHgSv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17irnagdaaf79
Parties at Lake Mohawk
Church luncheons abound at the
Pavilion next to the lakeside beach
Concrete floor, cold against the
Raw, sandy feet of playtime
Coming out of the water for the
Potluck buffet, cheesy potatoes,
Dessert salads abounding.
A prayer goes up for the community,
For the healing of souls, or
For donations for the new church.
Small parties too, celebrated.
Confirmation class completion,
Ready for Easter Vigil.
Pungent incense and sweet oils
Will follow close by, but for now
We feast on our collective meal,
Camrederie with the priest before
Our big day.
like God knows us inside and out, yeah? He knows the things we love and the character traits we have and the weird things we do and whatnot? and so maybe you're hopping on leaves playing the floor is lava secretly even though you're a grown adult and if people knew what you were doing they'd like, scoff, but God is watching and He's smiling!!! He's going "aww I'm so glad they're enjoying those leaves and this nice weather and they're so cute when they do that"!!!!
and like. how amazing is it that we little pebbles down here are cared about so much by GOD that the little things we little pebbles do make Him smile and light up and be so glad He made us :)
isn't it amazing how we can bring God joy?
I give thanks to the lord for blessing me with this one last last bowl.
Amen.
my favorite takeaway from church this morning -
Grasping the Depth of Christ’s Love (Ephesians 3:18-19)
"...that you may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."
Main Point: Paul’s prayer highlights that the love of Christ surpasses knowledge, and yet we are called to comprehend its magnitude.
Application: We often limit our understanding of God's love by human measures. But God’s love is boundless, and as we grow in faith, we begin to see how His love reaches into every area of our lives.
Illustration: Imagine trying to measure the ocean with a cup. God’s love is as vast as the ocean, beyond our comprehension.
No matter how many trips you make or how many scoops you take, the ocean remains boundless, far beyond what you can capture or contain. Similarly, God’s love is like the ocean—immeasurable, infinite, and beyond our full comprehension.
Psalm 139 echoes the idea of God’s immeasurable love.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
We cannot fully comprehend His vast love. Yet, we are invited into a close relationship with Him, trusting that even though His thoughts and ways are beyond us, He is always with us. Like exploring the depths of the ocean, we are called to dive into His limitless love, finding comfort in His constant presence.
Just as we are invited to explore the vastness of God's love and His countless thoughts toward us, Ephesians 3:19 reveals the ultimate purpose of this journey…
❤️❤️❤️
A grower delivered 40-plus melons to every Church in town! I love small farming towns! My parents got one too! I'm sure whatever grocery chain he was growing for decided they didn't want them. So the grower instead of dumping them to rot parceled them out! God bless him and his back!
You're a Female Doctor in 19th century in London:
applying for jobas
what happens when you apply for a job in teyvat!
includes: hu tao, xiangling, rosaria, albedo
masterlist here.
hu tao
"good evening, kid! what are you doing here?" "i'm here to apply for a job." "ohh, great! we have been so understaffed lately, it's just me and zhongli, everyone else who sees corpses everyday can't stand it!" "haha. i also see corpses everyday, so i will be fine. my whole family is dead." "oh, sorry. anyways, wear our uniform! here, 20 bucks please."
"um.. no. not before i see the salary." "sorry! err... it's $300000 mora a month." "what? are you for real? what a deal!"
hu tao smirked. after all, they only give staff such a high salary because they overprice their funerals. people who think zhongli is poor because he works here are so dumb! someone like him will not ever accept a paycheck.
xiangling
walking to wanmin restaurant, you wanted to talk to chef mao but accidentally read the wanmin restaurant poster instead.
"chef mao, i'm here to be an apprentice." "sorry kid, we don't accept any staff. me and my daughter is enough. and we certainly don't want some stranger to ruin our recipes." "by 'recipe' you mean a fucking slime secretions sandwich? hell naw ywou do your thing. i'll work for the liuli pavilion."
"fine by me. we don't need you," chef mao says.
when he said that, a girl's head popped out from under the counter.
"dadd!!! we are in need of kitchen help. if she will ruin our recipes, we can still let her cut and prepare the ingredients! you won't need to wake up at 4 every morning to shave potatoes again..." "i suppose you're right," he sighed. "welcome aboard. but before that, how fast can you cut a carrot?" "like a normal person. i'm slow, but practice makes perfect, right.."
"yes it does. now please, cut up this chicken into cubes. our popcorn chicken is very popular."
rosaria
"you? work in church? why are you even asking me? when i go to church i don't even sing with my sisters."
"well you were standing outside the church like you wanted to go inside so i thought you were a nun hiring people."
"no, i wanted to go inside because it was burning hot outside. and i was waiting for the nuns to finish singing about bartabatos." "who is that?" "you want to become a nun and don't know who that is? oh gods."
albedo
i'm truly scared of that stone faced alchemist. but i've graduated from sumeru academy, so he can't not accept me right? although i did not pass with flying colours. albedo is always wandering around collecting birds in cages and turning them into geovishaps.. how scary. but alchemy is the only thing i'm good at, and i need a job! here goes..
"hey. i'm someone who likes alchemy. wanna hire me?" "only if you're better than timaeus and won't push this green haired girl and awaken a giant dead ice flower." "umm.. surely not. that seems impossible." "well, it sure isn't. i've experienced it." "i would be surprised if you haven't. you talk about it like it's real."
"turn this boar into a lamb please, it's a test."
after a few hours, you made the boar look like a lamb. "good job. i can surely do things faster than that, but hey, at least you're better than timaeus. all he does is stand near the alchemy table and interrupt people when they want to craft something."
"i feel you... and people." you say.
What Do You Believe In?
I never really knew if the earth went around the moon or the sun around the earth, but I still went to church when you asked me to. I still held hands and prayed with you even though I had questions about your prayers and your God and your Heaven and the stares I used to see your momma give to the Reverend when he sang hallelujah. But I never questioned your truth. I admired you for the fact that you could believe in something so blindly without ever needing proof, and that was enough to make me believe in us. I believed in love.
They say God is love so I thought my love was your truth, and I made sure I loved you exactly how you asked me to. On Sunday mornings at 8:00 am so we could get an early start on repentance for the sins we committed the night before. I was never sure what you prayed for, but I went through the motions with you even though all my prayers were ignored. I prayed for us.
I even turned my back on my own Catholic Jesus to pray to yours, despite the fact he and I still had some unresolved issues between us.
You shunned my philosophy. I held your hand as we believed in all your contradictions and hypocrisy.
You prayed for everything but us. You believed in everything but me.
I never had a religion, but I believed in you and you let me down. So what do I believe in now?