dave doesn't like acknowledging things. if you acknowledge something that makes it true, so if he never acknowledges it its not true. simple, really.
if he never acknowledges bro's abuse as abuse, it's not abuse. It's just ironic play and cool hobbies and totally normal older brother stuff.
and he never acknowledged that little crush on john, and then it went away, so obviously that only cements his previous hypothesis that if he ignores things, they go away, and they aren't real.
then, he comes face to face with karkat and dirk.
dirk, who has the face of the man who exists solely in his nightmares. whose voice sends slight shivers down his spine. he half expects to see his face with a blade against his throat in the reflection of the boys sharp glasses.
karkat, who yells and is loud and is brash and somehow sets his heart on fire with every screech and pointed glare. who genuinely listens to his rambles, even if he calls him a "blundering moron" after. he listens.
and suddenly, dave cant go about life not acknowledging things. he sees the brotherly relationship he couldve had in dirk, and he knows he wants it.
suddenly, he cant ignore the feelings of romance that he'd convinced himself were wrong. john was an idea, karkat is real and in front of him, and he knows he wants it.
he knows he wants it. he's acknowledged he wants it, and now it's real. it's real and true and. and it's the truth. and that's the worst part.
i think dave strider smokes. not because he likes it, persay, but because he thinks thats just what people do.
i imagine he smoked his first cigarette on the roof with bro after one of their fights. probably when he was way to young, maybe 10?
bro just sat on the edge of the building and started smoking, wordlessly offered one to the kid he just beat the shit out of.
dave, wanting to be like him and not wanting to be seen as weak, took it and did his best to copy him. he nearly coughed a lung up the very first time.
after that, after every fight, bro would leave him on the roof bleeding. but there would always be a lone cigarette and a lighter waiting for him near the ledge.
he never told anyone, but rose walked in on him painstakingly trying to alchemize a pack when they were on the meteor once. she never mentioned it, thats just what people do.
once, karkat found him on the roof smoking, sunglasses pushed up as his eyes traced the endless starry sky above them. wordlessly, he offered the troll one.
they smoke on the roof together sometimes. its just what people do. what they do. even if they were upset with each other. they never talked about it though.
dirk found him once, smoking and silently crying. they shared a cigarette, quietly, wordlessly. they found comfort in each other.
halfway brothers, leaning against each other as the puffs of smoke sank into their clothes. neither said anything, they both had a feeling that thats just what people do.
the smell of smoke still brings about feelings of comfort to him. he never explained that to anyone, though, mostly because no one asked.
its just one of those things. its just what people do.