Depersonalisation And Derealisation - Blog Posts
Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.
More horrors to come tomorrow!
Suddenly I was in the shower. I looked down and my legs and my feet weren't my own.
It was like I was watching a movie or a cutscene in a video game.
Trying to put clothes on a dead eyed stranger.
I only post on here when I’m drunk or high.
I feel stuck between life and death, a sort of purgatory. My mind stuck in a realm of fiction and daydream. Is this normal? Surely it can’t be.
I see people around me, going on about their daily lives, the second I bring up the feeling of derealisation, they seem to shrug, unsure of what I’m speaking about.
It is an odd thought, to wish so badly you could rewrite your brain, and yet, another side of you thinking ‘but what will be you without me?’.
And so I sit in purgatory, surrounded by books, movies, character ai…
Never fully there. Never fully aware hat they are living in reality.
It wasn't the fact that everyone else's parents were proud of them, except for mine
It wasn't the fact that my parents never seemed to have time for me, so I settle for watching other kids with theirs
It wasn't the fact that I thought that a loving family was just a tv trope until I was invited over to other people's houses
It wasn't the fact that while other people's parents praised them, mine belittled me
It wasn't the fact that I had to rely on teachers and other parents' praise just to feel like I had someone in my life who liked me
It wasn't the fact that everyone else had goals for the future but I didn't see myself living to adulthood
No
It was the fact that my eyes were slits and my skin was jaundice compared to everyone else
It was the fact that people treated me like a zoo animal for their entertainment
It was the fact that everything I ate was poison compared to theirs
It was the fact that I had nobody else to relate to
It was the fact that I was the only one who didn't experience it
It was the fact that I was the only one who did experience it
It was the fact that my identity was nothing more than a punchline to them, just a joke
It was the fact that I had to pretend everything was fine and laugh
The only thing I can do is laugh, otherwise I'll just cry
That's what broke me
That's why I'm broken