I'll Probably Delete This Later - Blog Posts

If someone has like $10k-$20k they want to donate to get my life on track with no strings attached, that would help out a ton lol

I cannot stress enough the happiness I feel when a rp blog uses my posts for something because I used to do stuff like that a long time ago and it feels so nice getting to see it still happen in real time 😭

Ok I think I was a bit dramatic over my old art

I'm starting to think both my art (old and new) and me are potent carcinogens

Witchcraft is queer Witchcraft is queer Witchcraft is the struggle of the oppressed Witchcraft is the power of those who don't have power Witchcraft is women who have lost their agency in the land enclosure Witchcraft is people bringing their cultures and religions with them as they are taken to slavery Witchcraft is practices that cling on under colonisation Witchcraft is for those who are marginalised oppressed and otherwise powerless Witchcraft is reversal of power and changing status quo Witchcraft is queer

Exactly.

This nowadays it’s just “normal kid behaviour”, but every single time that I get a video of “did anyone else do this when they were a kid?” (putting a hair clip in the lips; imagine someone running outside jumping over cars and buildings during car rides; “potion making”... and most of the things I did as a kid) I get excited and emotional. Then I read the comments and I see so many people agreeing about doing that... I... I just want to time travel and show it to my 5... 4... definitely probably even younger self (I don't quite remember when all the mocking started, when I was singled out as a target to it all) tell her she is normal (probably some of my classmates also did it, but since I did it first never told nobody and made fun of me with the others), that it’s okay, she’s not alone and shouldn’t be afraid of showing the world who she is.

Maybe even manage to stop her from snuffing the fire in her soul; from changing completely who she is to fit with the others; to help her, convince her to keep shinning.

Because I’m trying to bring it back but I know I'm horribly failing.

I know I can’t bring back that fire because I don’t remember its warmth.

I know I’m still not my old self because my mother keeps telling me that “You used to laugh a lot more when you were younger, what happened?”, “You were never shy when talking to others, why do you keep hiding when I introduce you?”, “You used to be more extroverted”, “You used to love to wear your hair on a pony tail/bun and it looks pretty on you, why are you so against it?”(better not bring attention to myself by laughing because they will stop and they might stop talking about/showing appreciation to it if they see I like it; people can’t be trusted unless they show otherwise; if I’m quiet I won’t bother no one; my classmates don’t like them, better not wear them) , and over years of telling her that's how I am now, it only slips up every now and then, usually when we are looking through a photo album, but I know she misses that little me, if her comments are something to go by, about how we should have moved somewhere else, about “this stupid blasted town”, about some prank or game or anything my younger self used to do.

I know I’m stopping myself from shinning because it was the best way to blend in so it couldn't be used against me, so they wouldn’t laugh at me and mock me; and old and lifelong habits die hard.

So if after my mother went to complain multiple times to the teachers about what was going on without any result; after a couple talks that policemen came to give about bulling with me looking at them hoping they would see in my eyes my fear, my cry for help, my trying to tell them without words “that’s happening right here, I might be the next local kid you speak about in one of this talks” because I was afraid of what would happen if I said it out loud or went to speak with them afterwards (there was never the chance to do so, there usually wasn’t a break afterwards); after trying and failing to completely fit in and befriend my classmates (I stopped calling them “friends” when i was around 6); if after everything failed I decided to embrace the “weird tag” (albeit shyly at first, more strongly after I finally moved schools when I was 11 and made some friends who wore it proudly) and it has become a part of me I embraced and that I refuse to let go.

Because at the end it brought good memories.

So, mx “supreme authority” over what is weird or not, maybe some are clout chasing, but saying that because most everyone did this: (“I pretended to be [animal] with my friends” “I ran on all fours” “I ate [non-edible substance]” “I collected [substance readily available outdoors]” “I thought I had [superpower]” “I had tea parties with [entity incapable of drinking tea]” “I pretended to be [creature that I am not]” “I made ‘potions’ out of [substance that can be readily found outdoors]”) it doesn’t mean they can’t be/consider themselves weird.

Compare weirdness if it pleases you, but who gave you the authority to determine who and what is or isn’t weird.

you cannot all have been weird little girls btw. I know some of you were mostly normal and are just clout chasing