Hank: CONNOR! Have you seen the alcohol!?
Connor: *burying the bottles* I don't think so Lieutenant. Check the basement!
Hank: Sometimes I wonder what it‘d be like to have my life together. Kinda hard to imagine; I’ve found that drinking helps with that.
Connor: Hank.
Hank: Remember, kids, unhealthy coping mechanisms are always an option.
Connor: HAnk
Gavin: I have made a top 10 list of people important to me.
Gavin, taking a folded piece of paper out of his pocket: Number 10 is "I can tolerate you more than most people" And then 1 is "You could steal a lung, my entire left leg and my liver to sell on the black market and I would probably thank you." So, basically-
Nines, deadpan: They wouldn't take your liver, you've destroyed it with alcohol already.
Gavin: ...
Gavin, unfolding the paper: Tina, hand me that pen.
Gavin: You've just been demoted to number 5.
Nines: Where was I before?
Gavin: 9.
Gavin, editing the list: It's a demotion because the more important you are to me, the more I'll inconvenience you.
Chris: Trust me, you don't want to get to number 1.
~~~A few weeks later~~~
Tina, standing up and getting everyone's attention: Important update! Nines has made it to number 1 and Gavin just informed me that they probably won't be here today. I'm giving $50 dollars to whoever guesses what happened correctly.
Hank: Gavin fell down the stairs and convinced Nines that he broke something so he had to go to the hospital!
Tina, writing it down: Wouldn't doubt it, next!
Captain Fowler, walking out of the break room with fresh coffee: Gavin did some dumbass shit and Nines finally got sick of it so Gavin sent that before Nines killed him
Tina: Creative but very probable!
*Many more scenarios are listed until people run out of ideas*
~~~About an hour later~~~
Gavin, walking into the DPD and clocking in: Hey!
Nines in tow, smirking: We apologize for being late.
Gavin, walking with a small limp: ...
Connor: I KNEW IT! OFFICER CHEN, FORK IT OVER
Tina: DAMMIT, YOURE GOOD!
Gavin: Haha, you ever have that feeling where you're so hungry that you feel full so you won't eat? And then you'll feel light headed? And then you won't have enough nutrition to continue to be conscious for-
Gavin, falling unconscious: Fuck...
The rest of the DPD: ...
Tina, calling over Nines: This happens all the time, he'll be fine
Gavin: What do you think would happen if I took my sleeping medication and then drank an entire Rockstar energy drink?
Nines: I don't know but, please don't find out
Gavin, looking Nines directly in the eye: Only one way to find out.
Gavin, taking the sleeping pill and then drinks the entire energy drink: ...
Nines: You're feral and natural selection is coming for you.