I am the safety blanket. When you need me I'm there, I'm so there for you. I'll lend my shoulder for you to cry on, I'll put my own troubles to the side for you, I do it all to see you smile. But the second someone better gives you their attention I'm disappear. You don't need me to make you happy so you push me aside. Pushed in a corner, wrinkled and dirty you leave me. The weird thing isn't that I'm not mad it is because I understand. I understand because you deserve someone better. So I will sit there and watch from afar on my phone you have fun without me. Then later when they leave will I hear all of your stories and problems like before with a smile on my face. I am the safety blanket.
Found the diagnosis to my problems...
Morbid fear of solitude, or of being left alone, abandoned or ignored.
P.S.: Solitude is often good but the rest are just dreadful.
Ever feel like even those you're doing what you love and your happy and you are moving towards a goal, that you're still fucking up? Like right now I want to enroll for my next semester at school but I can't and I can't get a hold of my adviser and I was a shitty student and all I can think is that I'm expelled and I'm never going to get into the school I want to be at and I'm never going to get anywhere in life. and I just don't know what to do anymore. It's been a long time since I fell this hard
lights camera action by lana del ray gives me emotions that I can only describe as the need to peel off your skin and rot on the floor so that you never existed in the first place and not in a good way. Iblike the song its a good song and she sings it beautifully but I can't ever listen to it and even coming across it on tiktok is enough to send me into an episode. I don't know if I even saw it on tiktok but its in my head now and I was tryna have a good day but its hard when you feel the need to eat your own spine rn.