Smaug - Blog Posts
I love dragons <3
Karat the Golden
"I remember when that dragon was small and frail. Like a mere spark of lightning. How he has grown into a kingdom killing monster; a god. Perhaps it was wrong for Lera to offer him godhood. Some see it that way. I do not. He proved himself worthy."
"In accordance, I would warn you with a threat not to speak ill of him, but uhhh... you mortals... you have those... survival instincts? A little voice in your head that holds you back from casting your hand into the fire? That voice is the same telling you not to insult the equivalent of a miniature star lest you he utterly removed from existence through sheer wrath and lightning."
"He reminds me of a cat you let loose in a barn - one that hunts your royal rats out of their palaces until they have nowhere to hide. Do not insult the gods again... Karat itches to be let loose. Half your continent will burn."
-Prince Charlemagne, God of the Stars, of Wishes and of War, to Colton van Baint, mortal King of Veitryia, in a thorough warning.
Naomi and Cataclysm
dragon practice with our fav golden plated guy
My friend shares a birthday with Wanderer (and Tolkien) so this was their birthday card this year
Yes this is late
Okay, hear me out. The Lord of the Rings…but they’re allowed to use curse words…
“They have a fucking cave troll...”
“I cannot jump the distance! You’ll have to fucking toss me!”
“Merry! It’s Frodo fucking Baggins!”
“Gods damn it…a Balrog of fucking Morgoth.”
“Fool of a fucking Took.”
“Bitch, please. I am no man.”
“Peregrin Took, you little shit!”
“By nightfall, these hills will be crawling with fucking orcs.”
“I think I’ve fucking broken something.”
“Your bodyguard?” “His fucking gardener.”
“I would cut off your head, you little shit, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.”
“You’re late…you look fucking terrible.”
“And for you Frodo Baggins…Elrond’s father in a fucking bottle.”
“PO-FUCKING-TA-TOES!”
Accountant AU where the reader works for a small town firm called “Istari Financial.” Making her living after coming home from college, looking after the books for the following local businesses…
The local vineyard, “Greenwood Acres” which has been around longer than anyone can remember, run by a single father as head of the business and a very dedicated team of young employees. Everyone from college hires to long time employees, but nobody in town can quite tell just how old anyone is.
A local business ring run by the Durinson Family who own nearly every business in town. The local brewery, the auto repair shop, the car dealership, the pawn shop, etc. They run everything as a family, but all answer to the head of the family, a bachelor who’s yet to get married as he’s “married to his work.” Though, he secretly has his eyes set on someone in town. Who though? Nobody knows…
The bakery at the center of town, called “Lorien Confection” where the man behind the counter greets customers, serves icecream and brags about his wife while the white witch in the kitchen rolls out goodie after goodie by the dozen of sugar-coated goodness. The baker earning the title of witch as she always seems to know what people want before they do.
The coffee/tea shop doubling as a wholistic whole foods store run by three best friends who rejected their respected posh lifestyles and struck out on their own straight out of college to bring clean, organic food to the town sourced from local farms. A store called “Three Hunters Whole Foods.”
A fish farming organization called “Bard & Son Fishery,” that works hard to protect local wildlife conservation run by a father of three which provides clean, non-gmo fish, hydroponic-grown greens, vegetables and strives to teach young people about respecting the planet and sustainable farming on field trips for the local elementary school.
And who could forget the local bar/restaurant, run by the Baggins family, Uncle and Nephew, along with their friends who provide an atmosphere of home and hearth hospitality to any and all who cross their threshold…right up until somebody asks them to host a party that doesn’t involve their catering.
And last but not least, the readers worst enemy, “Mordor Credit,” the local bank out to screw everyone over and take their businesses. The reader often times being the only thing standing between them and a hefty audit…or worse, an eviction…

So I am sick and I am in bed just chilling and I just woke up from dreaming. I dreamt that Benedict Cumberbatch Smaug found himself an Indian apothecary. And was all like I’m gonna take it over it I like what they sell. And I’m thinking opioids? Well they aren’t an apothecary they are a candy store like honey dukes in Harry Potter or those old Timey soda shop/ general stores/ pharmacies. So now I just have this picture in my head of Smaug with a horde of candy every color of the rainbow Scrooge McDucking it and he has the biggest silliest grin on his face. I’ll be honest this would make a pretty good crack one shot fanfiction. I guess If anyone writes it tag me please.
Modern Hobbit AU where their quest takes them to the lovely double wide of Gandalf’s friend’s friend’s friend Beorn. Call that an Unexpected Furry send post
"A legendary black dragon said to have prowled these lands from the days of old. Many skilled hunters have sought to challenge it, but none ever return. A monster shrouded in mystery..." Fatalis description from Monster Hunter Freedom 2/Unite --- "My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death!" -Smaug from The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
Some Lord of the Rings pics I love the monsters
Finally enough dragon pics for a full post I have figures of most of my favorite dragons, cool to be able to make art with them
Oh, you can search fad and wide you can drink the whole town dry
But you'll never find a beer so brown (But you'll never find a beer so brown)
As the one we drink in our home town (But you'll never find a beer so brown) As the one we drink in our home town
You can keep your fancy ales you can drink'em by the flagon but the only brew for the brave and true comes from the Green Dragon
Hey oh, to the bottle I go to heal my heart and drown my woe rain may fall and wind may blow but there'll still be many miles to go
Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain and the stream that falls from hills to plain but better than rain or rippling brook is a mug of beer inside the Took!
Blunt the knives, bent the forks smash the bottles and burn the corks chip the glasses and crack the plates that's what Bilbo Baggins hates
Cut the cloth, trail the fat leave the bones on the bedroom mat pour the milk on the pantry floor splash the wine on every door
Dump the corks in the boiling bowl pound them up with a thumping pole and when you've finished if they are whole send them down the hall to roll
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
There's an Inn, there's an Inn a merry old Inn, beneath an old grey hill and there they brew a beer so brown the Man on the Moon himself came down one night to drink his fill
Ohh, the ostler has a tipsy cat that plays the five-string fiddle and up and down he saws his bow now squeaky high now purring low now sawing in the middle
So, the cat on his fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle a jig that would wake the dead he squeaked and he sawed and he quickened the tune while the landlord shook the Man on the Moon "It's after three!" he said now quicker the fiddle went deedle-dum-diddle the dog began to roar the cows and the horses stood on their heads the guests all bounded from their beds and danced upon the floor the round Moon rolled behind the hill as the Sun raised up her head she hardly believed her fiery eyes for though it was day, to her surprise they all went back to bed!