What If I Died - Blog Posts
Orv Poetry Series: One Source of Bad Information by Robert Bly [IDs in alt]
GGRRRRHHHFNFJXJ SJWJDGJD
MY EARS ARE SO WIDE OPEN. MY EARS ARE-
completely different people— sonny the soft gentleman on the outside but treats you like the filthiest whore and johnny the hard exterior that cherishes you and treats you like the sweetest, prettiest princess he ever did see
johnny is the one to notice you first, falls first and falls hard—but he’s way too shy to approach you i mean… why would you like him? so he tells his twin brother.
johnny is attracted to you first, but sonny is the first to approach you—and he approaches on behalf of his brother. and you’re always hanging out w both of them anyway, both doting on you. until johnny wants to take ur relationship to the next level
he’s not as experienced, shy and a bit unsure of himself, so he asks if you’d be okay with his brother helping him a bit the first time.
and then after that night u have a talk together about it,, and sonny and johnny have a separate talk before you all talk together—and that’s how the poly starts w the carisi twins 🥹
Career change (nervous breakdown optional)
Feels like a Friday post. But you can on Saturday too if you want.
Either way, you want to chase the hat.
NGL leaving my job after was terrifying.
No backup plan and no health benefits. Just me, a spiked nervous system, a trashcan LinkedIn bio I abandoned circa 2017 with honours.
I spent the first two weeks crying, I did that. Then reorganizing my fridge, using a lot of Windex around the house, checking my email like a raccoon checking dumpster locks. Nothing came. And sigh.
No word from HR. But the world didn’t end. My old boss didn’t send an apology or even a passive-aggressive emoji. Just hot red radish silencio ad absurdum. For a while.
And then something weird happened.
I started sleeping again. My shoulders unclenched for the first time in six years. One day I laughed. Can you / I believe it? Like really laughed. And it was not a coping mechanism sliding into an entropic spat of sob sobs.
It turns out walking away from a place that gaslights you into thinking you were the problem can be the best career move you have ever made.
I’m still broke and scared and still always figuring it out. But at least now when I cry, it’s not because I’m being slowly turned into spirals of flesh-coloured chaff in the old pencil grinder gig 'conomy, know what I mean?
Anyways, freedom’s weird. I think I want to hesitatingly and forcefully recommend it.
Blanetsona doodle something something..
And also something i drew while tired last night
is it an horrific dream?: a web weaving
The Autobiography of Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life, My Tapes by Scott Frost (1991)/ Blue Velvet by David Lynch (1986)/ The Hurting by Tears for Fears (1983)/ The Hidden by Jack Sholder (1987)/ Tibet by Rose McDowall (1986)
my macdennis animation hi everyone
honestly want abby to fall asleep on top of me- snoring n everything. her head on my chest, leg hiked up on my waist n all. i’d neverrrrr let her move.
literally want nothing more than this. abby’s leg hiked up around your waist her head laying against your chest and snores coming from her pouty lips. all of her weight rests on top of you, but you welcome it. you were supposed to leave a few hours ago to meet some friends, but you don’t have the heart to move her. so you just rub her back, run your fingers through her hair, smoothing over the top her head. abby whispers your name in her sleep, and it makes you smile.
it’s never like this with her. she usually likes to be one who holds rather than being held. you take comfort knowing how vulnerable she lets herself be around you. her soft breath on your exposed chest, her hands subconsciously land on your hips as her thin sheets barely hold over her hips and yours, her bare skin feels like heaven. strong, freckled back is a sight to see, and you can’t help yourself watching her. you never want to leave this moment, always want to say right here in serenity with her.