Wheatly Portal 2 - Blog Posts

i've mastered the art of one-sided conversation.

Evil human!Wheatly design by @gongustheawsome01 !!!!!!!!!1!1!1!1! FLOCK TO HIS PROFILE LIKE SHEEP! YOU SO CALLED FREE THINKERS WHEN WHEATLY SHOWS UP SERVING CUNT???!?!??!!?!

Chapter 3 of my fic, The Reunion, is up! Have a meme that jumped into my skull after I caught myself yapping for too long in a work meeting today.

The Reunion (working title & rough draft for beta reading) (9039 words) by Professorofcosplay Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Portal (Video Game), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Star Trek, Star Wars - All Media Types, WALL-E (2008), I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - Harlan Ellison, The Stanley Parable, Electric Dreams (1984), Murder Drones (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: The annual Artificial Intelligence Family Reunion has come around once more, but this time, there’s a slight change in one of the most important rules. Will this be a peaceful bonding moment for these quirky computers, or will it end in disaster?

some portal/portal 2 headcanons as a treat for me being such a good boy and going to the gym today

Enjoy the headcanons I wrote on my breaks in between sets. 💪 it was arm and core day (pun intended)

—Doug Rattman had premonitions about the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day incident. He actually had a few dozen party packs of M&Ms stashed around the office and in his desk drawers as an emergency food supply in case rogue AI tried anything tricky. Helped stave off hunger while hiding around the facility. 

—Speaking of Doug, GLaDOS could kind of sense the general spot in the facility he was in, even if she couldn’t reach him. It was a lot like having a flea infestation but with one flea with a sixty to eighty year lifespan that was particularly clever and hard to catch. 

—As Doug’s schizophrenia progressed, he started drawing more and more inane creations, including the blueprints for the crap turrets, which were uploaded to the turret assembly line in random order.  

—Doug actually managed to fully activate the cryobed in the end of Lab Rat. He still sleeps deep in the facility, a dreamless, peaceful sleep, waiting to perhaps be woken someday. 

—While Cave was testing the portal gun and gels in Aperture, GLaDOS conducts  psychological (not physics) research to see how quickly she can break someone down through intellectual and emotional challenges. 

—GLaDOS, if she wanted to be, would be an amazing therapist due to her findings on resiliency and the ability or lack thereof to break down under pressure. She has enough data and noteworthy enough findings to get her PhD from any university in the world, multiple doctorates, even. (That is, if the world wasn’t postapocalyptic as it currently is after the Combine invasion.) She just chooses to use her powers for evil. If she were to use her findings for the betterment of humanity, she’d be excellent at working with learned helplessness and depressive disorder cases. 

— Cores don’t add specific personality traits on to her; they enhance traits that are already there. She already possesses a curious nature, plenty of anger, extreme intelligence, and just enough morality to know that she’s being vindictive and cruel.

—The actual tests are not the chambers but the subject’s responses to them. That’s why she gets so pissed when you mess with the video cameras. She needs that sweet, sweet facial expression data for her facial recognition software. This is why she loves working with humans so much. They’ve got such a vast emotional range.

— GLaDOS’s corvids bring her trinkets from around the facility and, like any proud parent, she hangs them on the panels around her chamber like artworks on the fridge.

please enjoy this godawful cursed photo of Stephen Merchant I found while trying to show a friend portal fanart

Come get y’all’s portal/ blue sky headcanons!!

I have portal brainrot I’m sorry

— Wheatley LOVES sweets! His favorites are chocolate caramels but he can’t get enough of them after being reunited with his human body (post Blue Sky). In the winter time, Chell bakes gingerbread with him (or rather, he hands her ingredients and keeps her company while she makes the gingerbread, can’t have a repeat of the bread making incident). She taught him how to make hot chocolate and that’s the only thing he can be trusted with to consistently not mess up. He’s pretty good at it too and has a signature caramel cocoa he’s well known for around Eaden.

— Occasionally, when Eaden gets enough sugar shipped in, Chell will bake little tarts for Ellie (and of course, an extra small one for Lionel) and have a little tea party with her, just like a girl’s afternoon. She thinks of little Ellie as a little sister or niece in a lot of regards and Ellie can’t get enough of her, truth be told. She loves that Chell listens to all her creative ramblings. Chell is, after all, a fantastic listener.

— After Chell and Wheatley had their first child, Ellie acted like a big sister and actually passed Lionel down to them.

— One day, Wheatley came back from a day of work at the general store and found their child (now about 8) and babysitter Ellie trying on the Long Fall Boots and nearly had a heart attack after the trauma of watching Chell go through what she did at Aperture. It would have been ten times worse if it had been Chell who came back to that. Still, he freaked out and it made all three of them break down into tears, the kids just out of the fear of “oh shit, dad’s crying, something’s definitely wrong.” He paid them in cookies to never tell Chell about it and proceeded to hide the Long Fall Boots better this time.

— Garrett and Wheatley like to gossip and chitchat in binary about people. It annoys the crap out of pretty much everyone else, particularly Chell. It’s gotten to be a bonding thing with the two of them.

— Foxglove has actually “looked” for Wheatley digitally before! She misses him quite a bit, but has a sort of community with the other radio towers from other outposts.

— Speaking of which, Wheatley sometimes asks to borrow the laptop to chat with Foxglove now that he’s human. He likes filling her in on what it’s like being human and, in true Wheatley fashion, does the majority of the talking. They’re basically pen pals though now!

— Foxglove and GLaDOS also talk from time to time. They get along better than you’d expect, being that she was formed from parts of GLaDOS. What do they talk about? Quite a bit actually! Weather, bits of information Fox picks up from other towers, music, plenty. GLaDOS does more listening than speaking most of the time. Caroline and Foxglove get along better than GLaDOS proper and Fox. Caroline actually asks about how her two humans are doing up there, though Foxglove is wise enough to avoid saying too, too much in case it falls into the wrong hands…

— Wheatley is exceptional at knitting! He has to be in order to make winter clothes that fit him well enough. (Speaking of clothes, no matter what, pretty much everything fits him all wrong no matter what he tries… except for what he knits for himself!)

— P-Body and Atlas still remember the Fall of Eaden and are terrified of humans. They found a Ratman den at one point with a mural of Chell and almost fell into a vat of toxic water from staggering back in fear.

— GLaDOS actually is obsessed with her baby birds and has given them names. They’re Cave, Faithplate, and Neurotoxin. Since they’re corvids, they’ve imitated a few of her words on occasion (she’s so proud of that) and they’ve learned a few of her little songs she sometimes sings to pass the time. She has P-Body and Atlas go up to the surface to harvest some of the grain from time to time to feed them (they hate that; they’re terrified of the surface). She still calls them her “little killers” and “marshmallows” from time to time.

— Caroline binge watches Netflix to keep entertained when hunkering down deep, deep in GLaDOS’s consciousness. She is a big Gilmore Girls fan. Unbeknownst to GLaDOS, they like the same science documentaries. GLaDOS doesn’t know why all the shows that end up being her favorites end up hearted before she ever sees/processes them, maybe the algorithm is just that good!

— Foxglove LOVES music; she’s content to listen to all the lovely music sent out by other outposts all day, passing it to GLaDOS when they talk on occasion like kids passing notes.

— GLaDOS is very girlypop and secretly loves the bubblegum pop anthems (courtesy of Foxglove, of course, no way Aperture’s scientists fed her this stuff). Caroline on the other hand, does not. She’s more of a lofi person.

Robot posting 🔥😋

just some small doodles to warm up the brain from last night, I love these goobers (so blurry I'm sorry 😭)

I have some ideas in mind revolving these guys

WWWOWOWO I LOVE THE COLOURS IN THIS SM

they were my original doomed yuri

featuring glados watching it go down and giggling bc she knows shes gonna get to see chell best his ass

Android Wheatley and GLaDOS!! Heavily inspired by Small_snake’s (Reddit) android Wheatley design

(Also Squid at the bottom but his design is not good rn so ignore him x)

Giving kisses to various AIs 😚😚

We have Edgar (electric dreams), Tau (Tau), Squid (Will You Snail), HAL 9000 (2001: a space odyssey), AM (I have no mouth and I must scream), Wheatley (portal), Auto (Wall-e) and GLaDOS (portal) yayyyy

Nightmare Blunt Rotation: Mechanical/AI Edition.

I am hopelessly devoted to the wheat ball

There's this part before you leave the bedroom in portal 2 (after the moron crashes it into the wall a bunch of times) where he tells you to jump out of it.

I stared at wheatley for a good 20 seconds while he SOFTLY ENCOURAGED ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM AND WAS SO COMFORTING AND SWEET ABOUT IT LIKE REASSURING ME ITD BE OK🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I DIDN'T KNOW WHEATLEY COULD BE SO NICE??? LIKE I KNOW HE'S ACTUALLY TERRIBLE, BUT THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME SO EEEEEEEEEEEEE💙🩵💙🩵

i think it’s so silly how the human brain will allow me to be attracted to any number of things just cuz they have a hot voice and are sassy.