I Was Bored So I Decided To Comedically Describe What Some Of DC Superheroes Powers Are, But Horribly

Jason, in full Red Hood gear: Hey mom, can I borrow one of those new Thanagarian guns you guys got?

Diana: Sure, sweetie.

The rest of the League:

Bruce: *sighs*

The rest of the League:

The rest of the League:

Hal: wtf

modern au: every gang party is pure anarchy, but the aftermath is so much worse.

-javiers asleep…in the bathtub…with water in it…completely clothed.

-someone played sia and now karens in the hospital with two broken legs and a fractured arm because she wanted to “swing from the chandelieeeeer”. had it not been for charles, she wouldve been left there.

-johns all over tiktok and instagram reels for his…”pole dancing”. he made bank though.

-micah chugged a redbull monster protein powder mix and is already out of the house.

-jack is asleep under bills coat on a sofa somewhere.

-bill is surrounded by beer cans in a corner. hes just exhausted from the effort of throwing mr pearson out of the window.

-lenny is wrapped up in an irish flag in the garden, covered in vomit, bloodshot eyes and snoring like hell. the phrase “no balls” has earned him several cuts and bruises, 9 million likes on tiktok, and a deep sense of shame and embarrassment waiting to attack him as soon as hes sober.

-tilly made it back to bed, thanks to mary-beth.

-abigail and molly are both knocked out in dutch’s bed after jumping susan then hiding there.

-reverend brought the real fun (iykyk)

-strauss hjacked the dj booth and played some bangers. it didnt matter the lyrics were in german, everyone still went crazy.

-uncle slept through the entire thing.

-sean is on the floor of mary-beth’s room violently breathing through his mouth as he sleeps because his nose is so stuffed. why? he snorted ‘something’ and then snorted davey’s ashes (lennys fault). he also fell down the stairs, mixed an insane amount of alcohols together, started to flirt with inanimate objects after loosing track of lenny, vomited on everyone and everything, graffitied up the ra on the walls and on trelawny. awful idea considering trelawny owns the hideout.

-dutch and hosea? currently on their way back to their state after arthur got himself arrested 16 hours away.(how arthur. how.)

Dick: So yeah, it really pisses Jason off, which is my main motivation, -- but I did sign Bruce up for Tinder

The JL in literal seconds:

bye to a real one… add your favourite smash mouth tweet

Bat and Super dynamics are interesting and all but Bat and Wonder dynamics are fucking hilarious cause from what I've gathered, when you strip them to their bare essentials you've got;

Diana: You could just kill them and stop them from hurting those you love.

Bruce: I get the urge sometimes, but my moral code-

Diana, understands why he has the code but that doesn't mean she agrees with it: Pussy.

--

Donna: aim for the head!

Dick, knowing full well it'll kill the guy but his faith in Donna overrides his logic: okay!

Dick, after killing him: oh my God :( why did you tell me to do that :( he's dead now :(

Donna: it's okay. He was a horrible guy.

Dick: oh okay. I believe you.

--

Artemis: we're killing them.

Jason: I'm so in love with you that it like physically hurts sometimes.

--

Cassie: we should just kill these fucking people

Tim: hell yeah let's do it

Cassie: not gonna question it?

Tim: why would I?

--

I'm sure there's a case about morality and dynamics to be made here but this is just so funny to me

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

Another chapter of my "The Waynes on Twitter" work on AO3

Masterlist of Tweets

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28 - Human Disaster Bruce Wayne

a collection

Soldier: Calling my superiors by their legal names! _

Soldier: Sup, John Price, staring at him: Don't do that Soldier: ... I'm sorry _ Soldier: How's it going, Kyle? Gaz: Oh I don't like that. Mm, no, sure do not Soldier, laughing: Something wrong, Kyle? Gaz: No no- no likey Soldier: *laughs* _ Soldier: Hey, John, can you sign this doc for me? Soap: Sure- No. No absolutely not Soldier: Please, Johnny- Soap: NO _ Soldier: Hey, Simon, can- Ghost: THE FUCK YOU CALL ME?? Soldier: I'M SORRY Ghost: I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE SLEEPING AT ALL TIMES Soldier: I'M SORRY I'M SORRY- _ (bonus) Soldier: Hey, Kate Laswell: *stops walking and swivels her head around to stare* Soldier: ... This is scarier than LT yelling at me